Per Your Request - The Mammogram..

[Dfen911]

Ok so I go to my OB/GYN for my annual visit. No biggie everything goes as normal...well that was until he dropped the bomb on me.

"Well let's see you're over 40...hhmm I think it's time for your mammogram."

*thud*

As I'm leaving the doctors office the nurse is very pleasant -

Nurse - Ok, lets see he wants you to have a mammogram. Ok..well where would you like that done?

Me - My feet.

Nurse - *confused look on her face* (obviously not a big sense of humor).

Me - *nodding* Well you asked where..

Nurse - No I meant Lab X or Lab Y.

Me - I've never had one done...how would I know which one to choose?

Nurse - Oh it's your first one?

Me - Yes..as the chart you have in your hand indicates.

Needless to say we get it scheduled. The doctor comes out from another room and walks up to the nurses station. I decide to lay it out there. I'm not a busty woman....lets say Victoria Secrets is my friend. I calmly explain to the doctor that while I realize things should be checked...I really don't see how this test is going to help me. Hell Doc...let's go to Home Depot..get one those big Mag flashlights...why I just know if you turn that thing on and hold up to the side of my breast you could see clean through it...

He didn't buy it..laughed a lot but didn't buy it.

The day of the exam arrives. Now I must say this was one of the more interesting appointments I've ever had. You walk in and pass several chairs in a waiting room. But before you get to the nurses desk where one would think you sign in; there is a mat on the floor that says STOP and WAIT HERE. It actually has 2 foot prints on it so in case you didn't know exactly where to stop they'll help and give you proper foot placement. Next is a little stop sign. I mean a full on replica of a standard stop sign.

Not being intimidated I stop and await the call up to the desk. "Next". Yeah it's my turn...so up to the desk I go and meet Ben. This does not bode well for the exam. Ben is wearing some really cute scrubs...with bugs on them. I am really hoping that in his spare time he isn't trying out for Fear Factor. He asks for a picture ID. Being nervous I of course pop off with "I hope my drivers license will do because I don't have a photo ID of my breasts on me..." All he does is blink and then tells me he also needs a copy of my insurance card. Well ok 'Ben' here you go. He gives me this form to fill out....let's see age? Ever have children? Did you nurse? Seems pretty standard. The only thing that really draws your eyes to the form, and everyone else in the waiting room are the drawings of very large breasts on the bottom. Nice that everyone in this room knows why I am here.

They call out my name and then 'Window 5'. I'm like wth? Ok...so I get up and see that indeed there are other windows so off to #5 I go. She takes my form and looks it over. I of course feel the need to tell her those drawings are not of me...but I did add jewelry to them. She has me sign and initial some other forms..all pretty standard. I asked her for a valium and she said "a what?" Then she sends me back to the waiting room. Wow they weren't kidding when they said get there at least 30 minutes before you appointment. Ding! It's my turn to go in...

So into a white sterile room I go with 'Helga'. Very nice woman I might add. Considering I almost threw up on her blouse the minute I saw the 'beast'. Helga informs me that all is well with the world and tells me to imagine myself in a "dance" in which I am Ginger Rogers and she is Fred Astaire, because she has to lead. Position 1 - Right breast in - Holy Mother of God her hands are COLD! Turn my head to the left, chin slightly up...some more molding of my breast, I actually think she should of bought me dinner first...and here comes some pressure...ok not so bad....and some more pressure....ok..bad but not dying...and yet more pressure...god almighty it's got to be paper thin by now! Now she tells me "hold your breath", like I could breathe right now if I had to, and walks back to snap the shot and then blessed relief. That's 1 shot....only 3 more to go!

All in all it wasn't that bad. As I left the room and went back to the waiting room a small child, I'd say he was all of 6 looks up as I'm walking by and asks me if my boobies are ok. All I could do was smile and say I sure hope so.

I guess the alternative is a lot worse. So the Moral of this story is....get your exams...find a way to laugh through it and you'll be fine.

[wallycat]

I have sensitive breasts and still, I have no problems with mammograms.
My tech is always amazed that I tell her to feel free to press down more and more and more until she finally has to yell out ...WE DON"T NEED TO. It makes her day.
I am ensured I won't need reshoots.

The only thing I hate is waiting for the results.

Glad you went.
I wish there weren't so many mixed messages about benefits of mammograms and earlier detection. ...but that is another thread.

[HejazSunKat]

The day of the exam arrives. Now I must say this was one of the more interesting appointments I've ever had. You walk in and pass several chairs in a waiting room. But before you get to the nurses desk where one would think you sign in; there is a mat on the floor that says STOP and WAIT HERE. It actually has 2 foot prints on it so in case you didn't know exactly where to stop they'll help and give you proper foot placement. Next is a little stop sign. I mean a full on replica of a standard stop sign.


This is my favorite part. :D The place I go, a very well respected 'breast center' (things that are 'centers' annoy me right off the bat with their pretensions - 'breast center', 'birthing center' - it's the mammography room and the maternity ward OKAY!? There is no champagne served here!) has a receptionist sitting at the registration desk but you aren't supposed to talk to her. It's like we're all from this weird tribe where, if we acknowledge each other we'll make the Gods angry. There's a sign up that you are to sign in and then meekly and quietly take a seat until they're ready to check you in. Sheesh, right I get it, you're busy but would it really kill you or slow down the department to look me in the eye, smile and say hello? Have you forgotten how scary these can sometimes be?

After it's over you wait (in your Johnny so you're already literally stripped of your 'armor') for the radiologist to read your films. A friend of mine told me that when they called her name the tech who she thought was to lead her to the radiologist put his arm around her like he was going to give her bad news and then told her - 'Everything's fine'. What a moron. :mad: :rolleyes: Not funny.

[fancyn]

I know this is serious stuff, but thanks for the play by play - You have given me a great chuckle on such a mundane work day!! :D :D :D

[BucknellAlum]

Needless to say we get it scheduled. The doctor comes out from another room and walks up to the nurses station. I decide to lay it out there. I'm not a busty woman....lets say Victoria Secrets is my friend. I calmly explain to the doctor that while I realize things should be checked...I really don't see how this test is going to help me. Hell Doc...let's go to Home Depot..get one those big Mag flashlights...why I just know if you turn that thing on and hold up to the side of my breast you could see clean through it...

.

Here is my story. I am similarly. . .unendowed. . let's say. I started to get mammograms early in my 30's for medical reasons. At my first one, I made a similar joke, that I hardly had anything to "put" in the machine.

The kindly tech just smiled and said, "I'll be able to handle you, I've given MEN mammograms!"

Well, thank you very much. I guess Victoria's Secret is money well spent!

[Aubergine]

glad you got over your fears and got it done. my 78-y-o mother is a breast cancer survivor of 16 years; a friend of mine died from it at 43.

Ladies, LADIES!!! we've gamely subjected ourselves many, many times to the indignities (or not) of the ob/gyn's office...what's the squeamishness about taking off your top and putting some of your upper flesh between two plexiglas plates for a few seconds...??? with a female tech? mine are small (as were my mom's), and i have fibrocystic disease which sounds awful, but means nothing (in case anyone is told they have it).

i had my first mammo at 36, when my mom was diagnosed; i've had one every 2 years since and, let me tell you, the technology has gotten a lot better.

please don't be afraid of getting one. please.

[Robyn1007]

I've emailed your story to a few friends, it was great!

But, adding to the public service message, get your exams, do your self exams and trust your instincts! My aunt found her lump because she woke up in the middle of the night with her hand on it. We still believe it was a sign from above.

[tbb113]

Also, if things don't seem right after the mammogram, insist on an ultrasound as well. My mother's cancer wasn't found in the mamogram but did show on the ultrasound and subsequent biospy.

[karen w]

I am what they call a "carpenter's dream". . . .flat as a board! :D (Old joke, I know :rolleyes: ). But apparently what is there is ALL breast tissue so I always need an ultrasound with my mammogram. I am fortunate, however, that DH is a radiologist so after my yearly "smooshing" session and ultrasound, I just get dressed and walk over to his office to view the results with him. As he says...."I have some of the densest breasts he has ever seen." I just tell him at least it's the breasts and not what's further up north! :p

Karen

[mbrogier]

I'm 28 and have already had an ultrasound. I have fibrocystic breasts. They would have biopsied the fibrocystic lump, but I was on coumadin so the doctor thought I'd bleed way too much. The lump went away the next month, so it wasn't even necessary. This stuff isn't too bad on the loss of dignity scale. Try having a bladder disease and having to do tests down there with 20 people present. :eek: Yeah, breast stuff, not so bad.

[Canice]

I had to have one last year and I must say, I actually felt a little bit angry afterward. Not about the procedure, but about a lifetime of bad jokes (and worse cartoons) about mamograms, and all the women gleefully talking about how AWFUL they are. It took 2 minutes and was no big deal at all. I wonder how many women don't have them done because they've been listening to all the jokes and horror stories and are too afraid to go.

[Lauren]

How timely! I'm sitting here with the laptop recovering from day surgery yesterday. I had a lump under my arm removed. I had my annual mamo in December and all was fine. I had pointed out the lump and my Dr. suggested I see a surgeon. So, it was removed yesterday. The good news is that it was benign and DH has to wait on me! :D

I have very dense breasts too. Is it true that coffee/caffeine makes it worse?

[Peggy]

If you have fibrocystic breasts, caffeine can make the lumps worse and more painful. My sister does and when she gave up caffeine, the pain and size of the lumps reduced significantly.

Peggy

[Andrea_2]

I had to have one last year and I must say, I actually felt a little bit angry afterward. Not about the procedure, but about a lifetime of bad jokes (and worse cartoons) about mamograms, and all the women gleefully talking about how AWFUL they are. It took 2 minutes and was no big deal at all. I wonder how many women don't have them done because they've been listening to all the jokes and horror stories and are too afraid to go.

I felt the same way after mine! I was worried after hearing all these jokes and horror stories about them to a point that I really didn't want to go. I found it to be no problem whatsoever though, and really wonder how many women don't go because of all the stories.

[Food Fussy]

I had too had to have "it" done when I got to a certain age. I think I was probably in my mid to late 30's at the time. Doc said there was a slightly higher incedence of breast cancer in my area so he thought it wise. The tech I had was very nice but impersonal. I am also not a large woman, and so I wondered if it would hurt a bit. Yes, it does. I've never had a man handle my breasts the way she did--up a little this way, over a little this way, smoosh, smoosh smoosh like it was modeling clay. Then she brought down the top plate and clamped me into place. Then she tells me "don't move"! Where am I gonna go? You've got my breast in a vise grip!

That said, it didn't hurt too much and it was over fairly quick. My results were negative, for which I am thankful. I've had another one since then and will have more in the future. Just one more indignity to go through for the sake of Womanhood.

To be fair though, my husband went through something even worse, in my opinion, when he had his colonoscopy (sp?) done. Imagine lying on your stomach while they snake a tube up your a** , blow air up it, and then make you lie there and watch your innards on a video screen. Ugghhh.

[jmarie]

To be fair though, my husband went through something even worse, in my opinion, when he had his colonoscopy (sp?) done. Imagine lying on your stomach while they snake a tube up your a** , blow air up it, and then make you lie there and watch your innards on a video screen.

The worst part of a colonoscopy is the prep. And it is an indginity that men and women must endure. (and more than once in a lifetime)
Joyce

[Cookin4Love]

I call it my annual "Seize 'em and squeeze 'em" appointment, always scheduled in conjunction with my "Isn't it great to be a woman?" appointment. ;) The tech at the facility I use is very good and the discomfort is minimal. I had a mammogram 15 years ago that was much more uncomfortable than the ones I have today. My mother, who has a high incidence of breast cancer in her family history, refused to get hers because of how incredibly painful her first one was--many, many years ago. When I finally got her to go again, she was amazed at how much better the experience was.

All that said, though, the story was hysterical, and I don't think it would really put anyone off of going. What bugs me are the people who pull you aside and tell you with glee and gusto how much it's going to hurt and how awful it is. They're the ones that personally try to get into your psyche and build up dread. Tsk, tsk.

[Robyn1007]

The worst part of a colonoscopy is the prep. And it is an indginity that men and women must endure. (and more than once in a lifetime)
Joyce

Ugggh! Yes, the prep is much worse, I barely remember the procedure but the memories of the prep still gives me the creeps. I was 26 when I had it done (on my birthday actual :rolleyes: ).

[Canice]

Three months ago my sister died a horrible death from colon cancer (she was 46) so the colonoscopy is another "indignity" I will undergo as prescribed by my docotor. No horror stories from me on that one either.

[ChristieinMB]

I agree with others, I don't get the trauma about mammograms, I've had many, no problem. Same with colonoscopy, the prep was ugly, the procedure itself, hmmm... I was out. I'm all for preventative medicine, bring on the tests!

[Aubergine]

I agree with others, I don't get the trauma about mammograms, I've had many, no problem. Same with colonoscopy, the prep was ugly, the procedure itself, hmmm... I was out. I'm all for preventative medicine, bring on the tests!

yes, preventative testing is key; sadly, many insurances don't pay for it. i rather thought that Katie Couric had done a terrific job about informing the public in re: colon screenings.

fwiw, if your insurance doesn't cover a mammogram, watch for April; the ACS offers free screenings all over the country; that's how i had my first one done. moreover, they give you a brief ed about BSE, complete with several models of breasts that you are encouraged to palpate in order to realize what a suspicious 'lump' may feel like...and it may be as small as a peppercorn.:(

i've thought about my post since, and i believe it's the "big 'C' word" that scares people more than anything, although i wasn't aware of tales circulating about the procedure. still, i'd bet that the women passing those tales have been to an OB/GYN, probably thru childbirth, etc. so i think it's the terrifying C denial.