Stessed: overweight DD/underweight DS

[memartha]

DS (age 11) had/has Strep Throat this week, so DH took him to the doctor's. When they weighed him, they discovered he has LOST 4 pounds since his last check up. (He only weighs 68 lbs at age 11.) The child eats next to nothing despite my efforts. DH always says to me, "Relax, that's just how I was as a kid." Well, since DH was there at the weigh-in and received the nurse's wrath, he went out and bought DS PopTarts, Pringles and apple turnovers. :eek:

Meanwhile, DD (age 8) wears plus-size clothing, eats anything and everything I put in front of her, and has to be constantly told not to eat too much. At her last checkup, the doctor recommended smaller portions, no juice, no sweets/desserts, and more exercise. (She weighs almost 90 lbs.)

I do 100% of the cooking, meal planning and lunch packing around here. I am very focused on healthy foods, which seems to be doing no one any good at this point. I'm ready to resign! Any one been there/done that and have some advice for me? TIA. Martha

[Angelina]

Hmm...what kind of activities does your DD do? Is she getting food outside the house and away from your supervision? What do you feel is causing her weight gain?

Angela

[TerriS]

Haven't been there, but I can't imagine letting DS eat junk food is going to be good for him or for your DD. Hide that stuff.

Couple of links that might help:
http://www.ext.vt.edu/pubs/nutrition/348-271/348-271.html
http://www.ext.vt.edu/pubs/nutrition/348-273/348-273.html
http://www.co.mohave.az.us/WIC/underweight.htm
http://parentcenter.babycenter.com/refcap/preschooler/pnutrition/64368.html

Good luck.

[foodlady]

(((memartha))) What a huge stress for you!

My SIL has a very similar problem w/ her girls. Her youngest (7) is very underweight...and has had eating drama since she was a baby (long story). Her older sister (9), who picked up on all of the eating stress, became a champion eater. This has caused my SIL a tremendous amount of stress, and well-meaning advice from all kinds of people have driven her a little bit nuts....

The thing that has really helped her is seeing a nutritionist to help her form a "plan" for her families meals, and seeing a child psychologist for advice on what to do.

Take good care, and don't give up!!

[food girl]

As a registered dietitian I would recommend that you call and make an appointment with a registered dietitian, specifically one who works with pediatrics. Call your local children's hospital, they will have several RD's on staff.

I would stronly recommend the book "Feeding your child with Love and Good Sense" or "How to get to get your child to eat, but not too much", both by Ellyn Satter. She is the *expert* on child nutrition and eating behaviors. I give her books as gifts and I constantly refer to my own copies! (you can get them on Amazon.com)

Good luck,
Lisa

[memartha]

Thank you very much for your responses. Since two of you recommended talking to an RD/nutritionist, I think I will do that. It will also ease the stress between DH and myself (Mr. Junk Food vs. The Food Police!). Thank you.

[tbb113]

Martha - my younger son is overweight. Alex and I did an entire program with a nutritionist with absolutely no effect since Alex really doesn't want to 'suffer' in anyway to lose weight. Make sure your daughter wants to go, otherwise, IMHO, you will be throwing your money away.

Michael thought about doing the program as well, but when it was explained to him, he was resistant. We didn't sign him up for it.

Let me see if I can find the program we used....

[tbb113]

Found it :) It's called Shapedown. Here is the thread (http://community.cookinglight.com/showthread.php?t=40835&highlight=overweight) I did when we attempted the program.

[RunnerKim]

I'll second the books by Ellyn Satter. I've read (several times - at least in parts) her book "Child of Mine" which talks about feeding kids of all ages (baby through youth). I've found her philosophy to be very helpful in keeping tension down around food issues. I have weight problems and have all my life and wanted to to what I could to not pass that along to my children. I can't say I follow Satter's philosophy 100% of the time but fairly close. My kids are too young to related to your specific issues but the book(s) I think could really help you and your DH come up with a game plan, so to speak. Your public library most likely has them.

Kim

[karen w]

Memartha,

I can relate to your situation. I have three kids. DD and DS#2 are normal weight and very active/high energy, but DS#1 is more sedentary(my couch potato if I let him get away with it :( ) and what I would call "pleasingly plumb" or perhaps it is a bit of pre-puberty chubbiness(at least, that is what I am hoping!!?? :eek: ). I, too, am the primary cook, lunch packer etc... All of my kids are quite healthy eaters. They eat a variety of foods including lots of fruits and veggies(DD, the youngest, is the pickiest of the lot, but she has improved a bit lately). They love to try new things, too. My DS#1's main two problems are he eats way too fast and he tends not to stop when he is satiated. Yes, it is a struggle. My main suggestion besides seeing a R.D. is just don't give up and try not to make it a battle. I try to educate them on choices so that when they are older and making food choices on their own they can make educated ones. Good luck,

Karen

[memartha]

Thanks again. I will look for the Ellyn Satter books. Tyra, I remember your posts about Shapedown. DD is motivated but it's hard to have her eating one way (small servings, no seconds, no desserts) while I'm telling DS to eat, eat, eat.

[Kathy B]

Martha, Lots of good advice already. If your daughter is motivated, I would try to emphasize being more active as much if not more than eating smaller portions. In addition to organized activities, you could get her a pedometer and encourage her to see how many steps she can rack up in a day or just make a game of finding ways to add fitness to her day in small ways (a walk after dinner, taking the stairs, getting YOU to park further away from the entrance, etc....). You are already setting a good example for her with your own exercise habits (see daily exercise threads :) ), so maybe she would even like to join you in some of those activities. Good luck, and hang in there!

[mommycook]

Hi Martha,

My DD, 11, is also a light weight. She is up to a whopping 64 pounds now! We took her to see an RD several years ago who recommended she eat protein at every meal and every snack. We have a lot of cheese, peanut butter, deli meat, and yogurt around for her. DS, 9, has a huge appetite and eats all day long. We have found him in the closet eating an entire box of cereal! It is not uncommon for me to find wrappers, apple cores, and banana peels in his bed! :eek:

Every single time we are at the pediatricians office I mention my DD's weight. He is not concerned, says she seems to eat enough from all the food groups and not to worry about it or stress about it too much at home....this could cause serious food disorders when she gets to be a teen. The MD says that since she has been light since she was a baby and there is no change in the pattern that I should not worry. Easier said than done! :D

My kids are both active in sports and ride their bikes/scooters/skates/skateboards daily. We have a trampoline that the kids go on daily...even in the cold and rain! For Christmas they got a dance pad thing for their playstation that keeps them physical too.

Since you are focused on healthy foods maybe increasing your DD's activity will help. Your efforts ARE doing good, keep it up! Don't resign!

[memartha]

Mommycook,

Thank you for that response. It seems you have a similar situation. My pediatrician said the same thing about my big DD... she's been big from the get-go; her BMI has been the same for years. It's just that she's starting to wonder where her waist is and I'm trying to tell her, we're all built differently, but she's desperate to have a waist! At 8 years old!

DS is just plain picky. He doesn't like most protein; he craves sugar and DH gives it to him all the time, which I think sets him up for poor habits and poor appetite when meals are served. He's incredibly active, where DD is more of a couch potato.

Anyhow, the pediatrican gave me the number of a nutritionist to call. I think DH and I need to be on the same page first of all, before we can help/support the kids' efforts. I don't mind if one is thin and one is heavy; I just want them to be healthy and have good eating habits that will endure.

Thanks for letting me get that off my chest! I could go on, but I'll stop now.