Help! Need Discipline Ideas

[SDMomChef]

My DS just called 911 AGAIN+ - the first time was about a year ago...I asked the police officer who responded (he was taking a nap in our bedroom because I was washing his sheets) to explain to him why this was really naughty. Since this is a second offense - I'm at a loss to come up with an appropriate punishment!

I did make him write a note of apology and I put his favorite toy in time out...sigh...it was SOOO much easier when he was a baby!

[Goin' Coastal]

How old is he?

[HejazSunKat]

I asked the police officer who responded (he was taking a nap in our bedroom because I was washing his sheets)

Um...what did the police officer do to the sheets? :D

[beacooker]

Without knowing how old he is or what may have prompted him to do this, one idea would be to take him on a tour of the 911 center in your community. Perhaps educating him about what 911 is really for, and what sort of circumstances people call it in, would help.

[Ann1965]

I saw on television where a kid got caught for shoplifting. The police "arrested" him. The store owner and parents were in on it. It scared the kid to death....he was shaking and crying real hard. If DS is old enough, maybe he should be arrested! I know it's illegal to file a false police report but I don't know about calling in prank 911 calls.

[clairea]

How old is your son? I think that will make a tremendous difference in how you would handle this. Since you said you had him write a note of apology, I am guessing he is grade-school age? At this age, he absolutely should know better than to call 911. If one of my kids did this (and I have one that I can see doing something similar :rolleyes: ), I would try to wait until I calmed down (because otherwise I tend to yell), and then give a short, to the point, lecture about why it was wrong, it cannot be done again, and specify a fairly serious consequence that will apply if it does happen again. It has to be something unpleasant enough for your son that it will discourage him from doing this again, but something that you are able and willing to follow through with if he does call 911 again -- what that is depends on the kid, IMO.

[SDMomChef]

He is 7. The first time it happened, he was 5. He is old enough to know better. Last time, we took away his favorite toy for a week. Apparently that was not strong enough of discipline. I'm not sure what type of discipline to do this time. I like the idea of seeing if we could take him to the 911 center. The police officer was nice enough to talk to him about it - and I wish he could have "pretended" to arrest him, but I think his age made that out of the question. Sigh. Thanks for the ideas.

[EmilyK]

My first reaction was to have the police officer give him a stern lecture about not calling 911 unless it's a real emergency (you said you asked the PO to do this, but said your son was taking a nap - did he get talked to by the PO?). On the flip side, you don't want to risk him being scared of the police, because they are the ones he needs to feel safe approaching in case he gets lost, etc.

ETA: sorry I posted this before you responded back. :) Do you think he really "got it" after the police talked to him?

[zwieback]

What did your son say to the 911 operator? Did he just hang up or say hi or something along those lines? Did he phone in an "emergency"?

Perhaps the police officer said this already but, maybe you can tell your son that, what he did prevents the police, firemen, ambulances from going to help someone who really needs their help. Maybe you can put it in the instance of, "What if mommy needed an ambulance and someone else was just dialing 911 as a joke? Mommy might not get the ambulance she needed." Something along those lines. Maybe using yourself, your son or another loved one in the situation might scare him enough??

As for discipline, I'd probably make him help out around the house (more if he already does), maybe in the yard. Can you tell him you were fined by the police for his call to 911 and every time he does that without a good reason, you'll be fined?? Maybe have him "pay off the fine" by working around the house. If he were older, I'd say maybe there is somewhere he could volunteer that might help him learn the lesson that calling 911 for the heck of it is wrong.

[SDMomChef]

What did your son say to the 911 operator? Did he just hang up or say hi or something along those lines? Did he phone in an "emergency"?

Perhaps the police officer said this already but, maybe you can tell your son that, what he did prevents the police, firemen, ambulances from going to help someone who really needs their help. Maybe you can put it in the instance of, "What if mommy needed an ambulance and someone else was just dialing 911 as a joke? Mommy might not get the ambulance she needed." Something along those lines. Maybe using yourself, your son or another loved one in the situation might scare him enough??

As for discipline, I'd probably make him help out around the house (more if he already does), maybe in the yard. Can you tell him you were fined by the police for his call to 911 and every time he does that without a good reason, you'll be fined?? Maybe have him "pay off the fine" by working around the house. If he were older, I'd say maybe there is somewhere he could volunteer that might help him learn the lesson that calling 911 for the heck of it is wrong.

Thanks so much for all the ideas - I am just at a loss. The police officer did talk to him about what if mommy needed help....but I'm not sure that it really affected him. I like the idea of saying I got fined and he has to help work to pay off the fine. Maybe that, in combination with a tour of the 911 center, might make an impression. I just really, really want to stop this behavior before it escalates into pulling the fire alarm at school or something like that.

On a related note, I couldn't help but thinking - oh, no, now I get to explain to the neighbors why the police was at our house!

[Dfen911]

Who is your sons very best friend? I mean his total buddy. Who is his favorite relative? Grandma and aunt?

Now armed with those name call your local police department via the regular business number. Ask to speak with the public relations officer. See if you can set up a time to go down and meet with him/her. They will be in uniform and thus more impressive.

Have them talk to your son about the importance of not trivally calling 911. (Not sure what your sons name is so I've named him Matt in this conversation)

"Matt, I understand you dialed 911 on your phone recently. Why?" (hearing him explain it to the officer will better help you understand and will make him admit outloud to doing something wrong).

"Matt your best friend is David right?" Your son will acknowledge this.

"Matt if David was out riding his bike and got hit by a car you would want him to get to a hospital as quickly as possible wouldn't you? And you'd want the police to get there fast to arrest the person that hit him yes?"

I'm sure your son will agree to all this.

"Matt, by your calling 911 for a non-emergency that officer or ambulance that would have gone out to help your friend David is now having to drive to your house because he thinks you are in need of emergency assistance. But then he gets to your house and there is nothing wrong. Those few minutes wasted because you did that could mean your friend doesn't get the help he needs. I want you to think about that. Because you played witht the phone and dialing 911 your friend David or your grandmother or your aunt may be dialing 911 at the same time because their life is really in danger. But they won't get the help they need. Do you understand why it is wrong? Matt I want a promise from you. I want you to give me your hand and your promise you will never do this again."

[funniegrrl]

I still wonder WHY he called. To me, that's the core of the matter; this is a case where the reason he called has to be taken into account before any "discipline" is decided upon. Was something going on that he thought he needed outside help? Was it just to see what would happen, a curiosity thing? Was it a joke or some sort of thrill-seeking (i.e., wouldn't it be fun to see the police drive up, sirens screaming?) What did he tell the 911 operator?

If he thought he needed help in some way, then doing something that would seem like punishment is, to me, the wrong message. You may think he "knows better" but maybe not. You don't want to do something that would make him hesistate to call if he really DID need them, do you? If it was a prank or just curiosity, that would call for a different approach.

Also, just FYI, there are laws against "interfering with a 911 call." If you ever find him dialing or having called 911 and you have him hang up, you could be arrested.

[clairea]

I like the idea of saying I got fined and he has to help work to pay off the fine. Maybe that, in combination with a tour of the 911 center, might make an impression. I just really, really want to stop this behavior before it escalates into pulling the fire alarm at school or something like that.


Did you get fined? If not, personally I would not lie to my child about that. I would think about the tour of the 911 center, too, and how it would work for your particular child. For some kids it might make the desired impression, but for others going somewhere like that might be "cool" and actually be more of a reward -- not that it would necessarily encourage him to call 911 again, but still would be a "reward" for the behavior.

Is he upset or mad about something? Was he sick, or does he normally take a nap? My guess is he was bored and trying to send you a message (and he did!) Maybe if you can figure out what led him to do this, it will help you figure out the best way to handle it now and to prevent it in the future.

[JJ40]

Kids are just learning empathy around this age so unfortunately, I don't think the whole "how would you feel if your friend didn't get help because you wasted the policeman's time" will work.

As part of the punishment, maybe you can take him down to the police station or dispatch station and have him apologize for calling 911. I remember when I stole a quarter from the teacher's desk in grade 2, my mother made me return it to the teacher and apologize, and boy, that was a deterrant from ever doing it again.

Whatever punishment you do give him, it has to be clear to him that he is being punished as a result of this incident. You should also make it very clear what the consequences will be if he does this again (and be sure that you will follow through).

Good luck!
Julie

[Chefzhat]

Um, he's 7? :eek: And still taking a nap???? Sounds bored to me.

Anyhoo - 7 is way old enough to know better. I'd be doing more than putting his favorite toy in time out. The way you describe the situation I would have thought he was 4 or something.

[zwieback]

On a related note, I couldn't help but thinking - oh, no, now I get to explain to the neighbors why the police was at our house!

This is a good point here. How about you take your son to the neighbors and have him explain why the police were at your house? Maybe that would scare him into not calling 911 without good reason.

I know that lying about being fined is iffy (assuming you weren't), some people don't like lying. I think you have to assess your own situation. I would think in this situation, a little white lie like that might not hurt. I know with many alarm companies, after a couple of false alarms, they will charge you. So, it really isn't out of the realm of possibility to be fined. Maybe, turn it into a fine for him and have him work off a certain dollar amount and have him donate that amount to a charity (fire victims, a hospital, etc.)? That is, if you have some money to do that.

Good luck. I'm sure it is a frustrating situation.

[Chefzhat]

I forgot - didn't give you any advice.

Here's what I'd do (but remember that everyone says that I'm pretty strict) - have the discussion about appropriateness of calling 911 blah blah blah. The take away all electronic/tv/gameboy stuff for a period of time. During that period of time he needs to be helping you around the house - vacuuming, dusting, etc. This accomplishes two things - it takes away what he really likes, he gets a view of what it takes to run a house (which you need to teach him about anyway), and give you some time together working on stuff. You can talk, etc.

And then I'd re-think the nap thing. Unless he was sick, he shouldn't be taking naps.

An aside - a friend of mine requires her kids to lay down in the afternoon every day. They homeschool. The kids are 11 - 16. :eek: And she wonders why they have a problem with that . . .

[tbb113]

I try really hard to make the punishment fit the crime so I would take away the use of the phone for a week or so. That means he can't make or receive any calls. (and I would make sure people called for him like grandparents and hear you say, I'm sorry he can't talk on the phone this week since he used it inappropriately).

I would also have a talk with him about why he called 911 and why he shouldn't have done so. Personally, I think touring the 911 center would be a great REWARD, not a punishment, so I wouldn't do that.

[beacooker]

I originally made the 911 center tour suggestion without knowing how old he was or why he did it. I still don't know why he did it, or how he reacted to what you have done about the situation so far, but given that he is 7, I do think he needs some kind of real punishment. But I still think that a tour of the 911 center, along with a punishment, may be helpful. And a few readings of 'The Boy Who Cried Wolf' :)

Really, I think that why he did it and how he has reacted to it so far are key. Without that, all the advice on this thread are just shots in the dark.

[SDMomChef]

He can't tell me why he called - I think it was because he was bored. Which is why I am so determined to come up with a punishment that "fits the crime" so to speak. :D Normally, they don't take naps - we were returning from errands, and he and his brother fell asleep. When we got home, I told them that if they were still tired, they could sleep.

Good point on the lying - sort-of defeats the second issue with the calling 911 - he and his twin brother, Andrew were both in the same room, and both disclaimed responsibility for making the call. Mark, finally fessed up after the police officer told him it was time to be truthful.

I like the idea of the tour of the 911 center and making him apologize in person. We don't know our neighbors well, so that would be not so good for either one of us!

[SDMomChef]

P.S. His reaction, unfortunately, was pretty bland. He only got upset when I told him I was going to call his teacher at school so they could have a discussion in class about calling "911". He loves his teacher, and so he just started crying that he didn't want me to tell her. My DH thinks I should tell her, but I'm not sure that that type of humiliation is appropriate....but at least I got a reaction out of him.

I honestly don't think he makes the connection that him calling "911" could mean that somebody else could get hurt, i.e. the police couldn't respond to a real emergency.

Again, I appreciate the help! In the past, my "discipline" has been more focused on the postive -rewarding good behavior, so I'm having trouble here - and clearly I need to think about that discipline since this is a second time offense.

[applecrisp]

If your other son saw his brother make the call -- I would think that he should be involved somehow. Teaching him that he should speak up when he sees someone doing something wrong -- especially his brother. Or was he asleep when your other boy made the call and he didn't find out until after?
Good luck!

[Aubergine]

Seven is a very impressionable age, in my experience. someone else mentioned an episode with a second-grade teacher; i had a similar small thing happen at that time--a library book i kept and lied about returning. finally i fessed up to my mother, but to this day i vividly recall the shame i felt about the whole thing.

pls. don't misunderstand; i'm not advocating shaming your son. my embarrassment in that situation was my own; my mother was remarkably gentle about the whole thing, and i don't think she even told my dad. but i certainly knew i had done wrong, from sunday school and our family's general principles.

i wouldn't lie to your son about a fine; if you're trying to help hm learn good behavior, it seems quite hypocritical; but i think you've got that point.

one thing i'm thinking is to find out how often these prank calls occur; the school and the police together might be interested in holding an assembly, (or more than one, for different age groups, or else class-by-class visits). there's no need your son would have to be singled out. in our community the police are very pro-active about stuff like visiting schools to talk to kids.

but i'd also agree that having him make a personal apology to the 911 folks would be a meaningful consequence.

i also can't help but wondering what his twin makes of all of this? twins are in such a unique position; one of my GFs had fraternal twin boys and one was quite the mischief-maker; the other was content to be complicit.

best of luck.

[SDMomChef]

i also can't help but wondering what his twin makes of all of this? twins are in such a unique position; one of my GFs had fraternal twin boys and one was quite the mischief-maker; the other was content to be complicit.

best of luck.

Oh, Andrew got in trouble too for not telling me. Mark tends to be the instigator, and Andrew the co-conspirator. So, he is not escaping punishment. But, he tends to be more sensitive, so I'm not struggling as much with his discipline. That being said, they both can make more of my hair turn grey! :D

I think I've pretty much decided on taking Mark with me to the police station, and making him apologize again in person. He can hand deliver the note that I made him write. That will probably leave the most impression on him.....I HOPE!!! I'll report back.....

Thanks!

[emptyspool]

This is hilarious....(I know, I know. But I have 3 sons.) This happened to my next door neighbor when her son was 10 and was really mad at her one day because she would not let him do what he wanted. So he called 911 but then hung up really quick. But it had already connected and they sent a police officer to their house. She made the boy explain to the police officer what he did and why. What she also told her son, I thought was brilliant. She told him if he called the police to tell them what a bad mother she was then they would take HIM away, not her and put him in protective custody.

Don't think it happened again.

[mbrogier]

Also, just FYI, there are laws against "interfering with a 911 call." If you ever find him dialing or having called 911 and you have him hang up, you could be arrested.

Do what? I believe that would be a real 911 call, not a prank call. I don't think the cop is going to come arrest SDMomChef for interferring with her son's prank calling 911. If you find that you've accidentally dialed 911, stay on the line and tell the operator that everything is ok. Don't hang up and assume that the call didn't go through. No, I've never prank called 911, but I have hit 911 trying to hit 9 for an outside line and 1 and so one. Oh, and 411 and 911 when you're tired. :rolleyes: My husband's company had their phone system programmed to dial 9 for an outside line then 1 and then the number. Too many people dialed 911 by accident and didn't report it as a mistake. The company finally got fined. When Rob changed the phone system, he changed the numbers that were dialed so it wasn't possible to accidentally dial 911 anymore.

I think that hand delivering the note to the police department might do the trick for your son. I'd take both of them down there. It might be a good time to teach your other son that being with people that do the wrong thing will get them in just as much trouble. I have a brother close to my own age, and while neither of us would never have dialed 911 as a joke, we definitely coconspired on just about everything.

[RunnerKim]

I don't have much to add on the punishment aspect but thought I'd mention that when I was in early elementary school that my sisters and I had a fascination with 911. It was a number that was drilled in to us but we were never suppose to call (unless an emergency of course). I don't think we ever called it but I know we were tempted just to see what would happen. My Dad called them for us and did exactly as mbrogier describes. He said he was testing his programmed phone and wanted to make sure it worked etc. He told us that it was important that we not hang up on 911 and why. It instantly deflated a lot of the mystery for us.

Do they get to use the phone to call people? Maybe there's a lot of curiousity about the phone and 911 in particular. Not to say they shouldn't be punished but it might not be a bad idea to address their curiousity either - let them use the phone a few times to call a friend or family (my kids are still young, so if kids are regularly using the phone by age 7 ignore me!), let them call the info number for the police. Ask if there's a non-busy time it would be okay for him to call 911 to see how it works.

Kim

[Becky13347]

Sounds like the two brothers were trying to get each other to do something "funny". It's amazing how 2 kids can plot together and forget to think!! My daughter just turned 8 and she makes me crazy with doing/saying things she thinks are funny but are hurtful or mean. We are dealing with 2 MAJOR issues today so this is timely! I am struggling with developing her empathy for others while being so incredibly mad/sad about her behavior and her not thinking ahead about her actions.

Because of what happened, she lost ballet/tap class this afternoon and her last gymnastics class tonight. (no, she is not over-scheduled, the gymnastics class for her age was 10 classes; only on Tuesdays-these 2 things are all she does).

My point being we took away to activities that she really loves and stood by our decision. We had a calm talk this afternoon about feelings being hurt. I don't think taking away a toy would have worked as much as the classes b/c with the classes she feels she's really missing something when she's not there. She's old enough now that if I took the toy away she'd just "wait it out" til I gave it back. There's no retrieving the "lost" classes and she knows it.

So, if your son has something like that, that is very special/valuable to hm that once he misses it there's no getting it back; the permanency might work for him more now that he's older.

As my friend Susan always says, "Bigger kids, bigger problems" :D

[funniegrrl]

Do what? I believe that would be a real 911 call, not a prank call.

It doesn't matter whether it was a "real" call or not. If you dial 911 and the call is cut off, the police are dispatched to the location of the call, and the person who did the cutting off will be arrested even if there is absolutely zero emergency. I have first-hand knowledge of this through a family member who is now awaiting trial on a felony charge, even though the person who dialed the phone was just grandstanding for attention and had no intention of actually asking for assistance. So, please do not dispute things you don't know anything about.

[SDMomChef]

As my friend Susan always says, "Bigger kids, bigger problems" :D

So true! I feel like I am totally unprepared for the "next" stage of the kids/discipline/hurt feelings, etc. It is ironic that you mentioned that you were going through issues of building empathy and being mad/sad with her behavior. In the grand scheme of things, I am mad/annoyed, but I was telling my mom that I would probably be much angrier if we were dealing with him being intentionally hurtful to somebody else or sibling. The 911 call is more curiosity/boredom, and lack of understanding that it is hurtful.

It sounds like you came up with a good discipline for your DD.