Wedding gift question

[Middydd]

When we got married my husband's sister gave us a nice (not exorbitant, just close family wedding gift amount) amount of money as a wedding gift. She also gave us a coffee table type book. She told us to tell their mother that the book was the gift and "Don't tell Mom about the money."

Their mother never did ask about it.

I've always thought that was a wierd way way to give a gift. Any opinions?

I'm still sorting out my relationship with this woman and tend to think there's been manipulation going on forever.

[Peweh]

A manipulative SIL!?! :eek: Who ever heard of such a thing?!? :D

Maybe their mom has something against cash gifts? That's all I can think of. I agree it's a very strange thing to say to someone you're gifting!

[beejayw1]

I've always thought that was a wierd way way to give a gift. Any opinions?

I'm still sorting out my relationship with this woman and tend to think there's been manipulation going on forever.

Manipulation by whom? Your SIL? Your MIL? Why would SIL be worried about MIL knowing about money? :confused:

And - more importantly - why should you care? ;) Hey, you got a present, and it (the book and money) sound nice.

I'd forget about the rest of it.

(I know someone whose mother is forever telling her not to spend a lot on gifts for relatives who don't have a lot to spend; makes my friend cringe. So she doesn't discuss money with her mother.)

[erinlovesmarc]

From experience (just got married a few weeks ago)...there is always some manipulation when it comes to weddings...I am still trying to figure some of the situations that were thrown at us...alot of in-law situations will forever be a mystery!!! :p

[jtoepfert100]

...alot of in-law situations will forever be a mystery!!! :p

Ain't that the truth. . .and if they aren't, sometimes you wish they would be. :rolleyes: ;)

[leebee]

In my family, one particular sibling of my DH is in a position to make "generous" gifts. However, if MIL/FIL & another sibling found out about it, they would feel compelled to one-up them (and loudly, too), which they are NOT in a comfortable position to do. So, if the first sibling wanted to make such a gift, they have to be rather hush-hush about it to avoid a messy situation. Could it be something like that?

[mst]

I wouldn't make too much of it. Money makes people do odd things.

[mmbedard]

or, maybe SIL has borrowed money from MIL and has not yet paid it back...

[Becky13347]

It's hard to say what could be the driving factor. It depends on the family. My father's family is a large farming/small town group. They are not poor but no one has alot and the family is very large. When we got married most of these relatives sent us $10-$25 as a gift. But I was not offended. Most of them also made the trip to Chicago for the wedding, paying for hotel, etc. I knew this was alot for them money wise and was thrilled they came to the wedding. But my cousins who no longer live in the small towns and have high paying careers gave us larger money gifts and I heard about some tension between parents and children about the gifts given (they must have discussed among themselves b/c we never said who gave what to anyone). The elder relatives felt that too much was presents and not presence.

Does the mom come from a family where spending alot on a gift is not "done"? Are there other issues that have happened with this SIL since the wedding that are making you think she is manipulative? Maybe they had a disagreement about gift giving before the wedding?