Them's fightin' words!

[tamawrite]

A friend and I were discussing the other day how spousal spats tend to be about the same old issues, over and over. So I'm curious...what are the recurring fights in your relationship about?

Ours tend to center around my "get things done" attitude vs. his "wait and see" attitude. For example, when he is job hunting, it makes sense to me that he should research thoroughly and follow up on all possiblities. He'd rather focus on one potential job and get an answer about it before applying for others. :rolleyes: :confused: :D

[greysangel]

This is our recurring theme as well...and I keep pretending that everytime it comes around it will be the last but I'm afraid it isn't so. The job thing I have just resigned myself to the fact that he will wait until work is absolutely unbearable before he works hard enough to find something else. But other issues like contractors/house projects makes me crazy sometimes. I am on the contractor like white on rice until they show up. His approach is letting them come to us which then makes the project endless (if it even gets started) vs moving in a timely manner. He doesn't get it :confused: or maybe I'm just too anxious/eager/directed etc.. :confused:

A friend and I were discussing the other day how spousal spats tend to be about the same old issues, over and over. So I'm curious...what are the recurring fights in your relationship about?

Ours tend to center around my "get things done" attitude vs. his "wait and see" attitude. For example, when he is job hunting, it makes sense to me that he should research thoroughly and follow up on all possiblities. He'd rather focus on one potential job and get an answer about it before applying for others. :rolleyes: :confused: :D

[SheRa]

he's a neat freak, i'm not. 99% of our arguements are about cleaning. hahahah!! i'm no slob, but he's CRAZILY neat. :)

also, the occasional, "we need to save money for the wedding" comes into play. ::sigh:: i can't wait till it happens so we can stop being so worried about it!

[sneezles]

DH doesn't like to argue so we don't...it was pretty weird at first but after 27+ years I've adjusted :rolleyes: though I do have a lot of arguments in my head! :p

[MISSINDI]

DH doesn't like to argue so we don't...it was pretty weird at first but after 27+ years I've adjusted :rolleyes: though I do have a lot of arguments in my head! :p

LOL - sounds like us. Never had an argument yet, though I do get snippy at times in the conversations in my head too. ;)

Our biggest difference is that he is really laid back, and I tend to be go, go, go. I'm a bit of a nag, I hear, but like I tell him, if you did what I asked you the first time, I wouldn't have to ask again (hence, no nagging), but it never works...

Why is it men never see the garbage needs to be taken out? Laundry needs to be folded, etc.? He does help a lot, so no complaints though. :)

[Hammster]

Why is it men never see the garbage needs to be taken out? Laundry needs to be folded, etc.? He does help a lot, so no complaints though. :)

Missindi,
Please don't tar all us men with the same brush. ;) I cook every day. I unload and load the dishwasher. I perform the maintenance on the hot tub, yard work, among other things. DW washes all the laundry because she prefers to. I fold my own whites. Some things we both share just depending such as vacuuming, mopping, taking out garbage, etc. Just tootin my horn a little. :D

I'm not angry in any way, just hate to see generalizations made. :)


And to answer the thread question. DW and I do argue from time to time. It's good to do that once in a while I'm told. No details as to what we argue about though. That's nunya. LOL. :D

[MISSINDI]

Hammster, didn't mean to, sorry. I know, there are LOTS of exceptions, my DH included. It just seems like some men can walk past an overflowing garbage a dozen times, without giving a second thought, you know? Not complaining about my DH in the least - I'm lucky - I just think sometimes women tend to notice things that escape men's attention, you know? ;)

[Hammster]

I just think sometimes women tend to notice things that escape men's attention, you know? ;)

no cigar. After I said I dislike generalizations did you think I'd fall for this one??? LOL.
:D

[LakeMartinGal]

We have always disagreed about money -- he's followed by the 'black hole' where we have to live on the street, and I am sure that everything will work out for the best.

He believes that a process will get good results each time, or the process is wrong -- I'm impulsive.

He always changes the goal, just as we get there, and doesn't stop to enjoy the reaching of a goal! I'll bask in the reached goal -- I don't like change, and he's 'continuous improvement.'

Gee -- why have we stayed married 37 years? :p

He never wanted the same meals every week, now he's asking if we can't repeat some of the meals! :D That'll teach him -- I belong to the CLBB now, and have LOTS of new recipes to try! ;)

[colleency]

Cleaning. He doesn't care for it. I wouldn't mind doing it all if he made enough money so I could stay home and do it.

[stacy7272]

I just think sometimes women tend to notice things that escape men's attention, you know? ;)
I think it's because women have evolved to find a small berry in a bush and men have evolved to spot a huge woolly mammoth lumbering down an open plain. :D

[jmarie]

I learned not to argue with my DH. when you do, he goes for the jugular. Like sneezles, I have a whole lot of arguments in my head.....some name calling too! :eek:

[MISSINDI]

I think it's because women have evolved to find a small berry in a bush and men have evolved to spot a huge woolly mammoth lumbering down an open plain. :D

LOL - perfect. :D

[Kristilyn1]

We are mostly cranky spat-sters. Meaning we might be overtired and snipe at each other over nothing. No big deal. What we fight about? I'd have to say, coming from MY perspective is this:

my dh has this really annoying habit of having conversations in his head, deciding things in his head without letting on to me in any shape or form what he's decided and then act like I'M crazy when he announces this fully formed plan like we've talked about it a thousand times. For example. We might have 10 conversations about buying a tv. I'll do a bunch of research and suggest we go out on Sunday to buy it at x store. He will enthusiastically agree with this plan. We'll get to the store, be looking at tv's. We'll see one we like, spend a bunch of time with the salesperson and then after all our questions are answered I'd say "well, how about we buy this one?" He will look at me like I'm insane and make some announcement like: "I thought we were going to wait for the after-Christmas sale! Why would we buy one today at full price?" I will then pop a vein and after an hour of arguing about what the heck is he talking about, it will come out that AFTER we had decided to buy one now, he was driving home from work last week and it occurred to him that we could get a much better deal if we wait until after Christmas. He will argue like this is the most logical thing on earth and how could I possibly think we'd do otherwise, until I pound it into his head that he NEVER SAID ANY OF THIS OUT LOUD. Furthermore, he had agreed with everything I had said about the purchase and he will finally admit that yes, it's a little confusing to decide one thing together and then based on the little voice in his head, have him decide something different. While he will always admit AFTER the fact that it shouldn't have gone this way, he will continue to do the same exact thing---time after time after time.

Kristi

[annette1rn]

My spouse and I have a blended family and use to bicker about small things...leaving the cap off the toothpaste, my clothes on the floor...you get the idea! We never argued about how we would raise our individual children...an agreement that has done us a world of good. But, it wasn't until we watched the remake of Yours, Mine & Ours with Dennis Quaid and Rene Russo that we really talked about the differences in raising our children. My husband has a military background and I am a free spirit...hence you can imagine our viewpoints on life and raising our kids. My husband verbalized, after the movie, that he finally got it that it was okay we had differences on our life perspective. He has come to appreciate my joy of life and ignoring my clothes on the floor :D Thank god for that! I've always enjoyed his bringing order to my chaos, but now he has a little more chaos in his tight sense of order...and we no longer bicker about the cap off the toothpaste. BTW...all the kids have turned out just fine! :p

[tamawrite]

We have always disagreed about money -- he's followed by the 'black hole' where we have to live on the street, and I am sure that everything will work out for the best.

He believes that a process will get good results each time, or the process is wrong -- I'm impulsive.

He always changes the goal, just as we get there, and doesn't stop to enjoy the reaching of a goal! I'll bask in the reached goal -- I don't like change, and he's 'continuous improvement.'

Gee -- why have we stayed married 37 years? :p



LOL, Kay -- Are you married to my EX??? :eek: :D (Okay, it's not why he's my ex, but your description reminds me of him!)

[Jewel]

In the nine years Dave and I have been together we have never had a fight. We've disagreed, but never had an actual arguement with voices raised. Almost sounds like I'm missing something. :p

The only thing we consistently 'disagree' about is clutter. If there is an available flat space, my husband will fill it with something....stacks of newspapers I can't recycle because "I still have to go through those...". Books, work stuff, you name it. His pockets are the same way. I have to empty his pockets before doing laundry, and I'm constantly finding electrical components, cable ties, the ever-present toothpick, and the occasional Q-tip. I feel like he's a 10 year old boy and one of these days I'm going to pull a frog out of his pocket. :rolleyes:

I'm not the cleanest housekeeper on the planet because I get frustrated not being able to get to it to clean. Countertops, coffeetables, bathroom counters, dining table, kitchen table, dresser, his desk....it's all covered, so it's a pain in the patoot to clean. If I try to move stuff, it ends up in one giant pile in his den, and he says he can't find anything. :confused:

I've learned to adjust to the clutter, and it's obvious that he has learned to adjust to me not cleaning every day because of it! ;)

[sneezles]

my dh has this really annoying habit of having conversations in his head, deciding things in his head without letting on to me in any shape or form what he's decided and then act like I'M crazy when he announces this fully formed plan like we've talked about it a thousand times.

Kristi

OMG! My DH is the exact same way!