At What Age

[Curiosity Hears]

Please help. At what age should the kids start being able to come up with their own ideas for parent's birthday and other holiday gifts?????

Today I am feeling frustrated with the dds 12 & 14 because for weeks I have been asking them to come up with some ideas for dh birthday. They have no trouble making lists for themselves. Is this typical (I am not the biological mother to either and have only been a parent for about five years now so sometimes I really don't know)? How does one get them to start taking this responsibility more seriously, like it matters to them???

I sorry for the vent within this question, but I really need some guidance!

[jmarie]

I think I was in my early 20's when I figured it out. I think I have made up for my late blooming ways.

My children are in their early 20's and are just now figuring me out. They always remember their dad because I always shopped with them and reminded them, back in the day, but he never did that for me and so it has taken awhile longer for them to realize that I like the gifts too. But they are coming around.

You may not be the biological mom, but I think you must be a swell person to make sure that they remember their dad in a way and that is in their own special way.

Hang in there!

[Terri_A]

I still call my mom for ideas for my dad. I think dads in general are tough to buy for, but I think it's pretty typical for kids to not do this on their own until college...sad, but true. ;)

[ErinM]

Same here. And I ask my dad for ideas for my mom.

I am so uncreative.

[Blissful_in_TX]

I still call my mom for ideas for my dad.
Same here. And I ask my dad for ideas for my mom.

Hey, at least you guys go through a middle-man. After the Horrible Dress Incident of 1997 (http://community.cookinglight.com/showthread.php?t=83038&highlight=horrible+dress+incident) I get gift ideas straight from the horse's mouth. Does it take some of the surprise out of it? Yes. But now everybody goes home happy. (Unlike the one Christmas I spent at DH's family where every single person, except his sweet Great Aunt, b!*ched and moaned about their presents :( They all get gift cards now :rolleyes: )

[tbb113]

I think it depends on the child. I remember buying my mother cheap drugstore cologne when I was between 7 - 12 and a 'sexy' nightgown when I was 11 or so. I don't think I was told what to buy since I know I was at the store by myself making the purchase.

My younger son has bought me gifts on school field trips (when he was in 4th grade). I don't think my oldest has EVER bought me a gift by himself (he is a senior in HS)

[mbrogier]

I would go with my dad to help pick out gifts for my mom. I'd also get stuff for my dad on his birthday and other special days, too. At 14, I had my own money, so I bought presents myself. When I was smaller, I would make cards.

I've always been an overacheiver, though. ;) :p

I started cooking at 3 or 4 by pulling out the bottom cabinet drawer and standing on it to reach the counter. I'd make the birthday cakes or whatever that particular person wanted on their special day. Dad liked Blueberry Delight: pecan shortbread topped with cream cheese, blueberry filling and whipped cream, Mom liked different things--once I figured out cinnamon rolls, that was her favorite, and my brother was Hershey's Chocolate cake.

[newtricks]

Oh good lord! We still have to remind my 49 year old brother :D Luckily, it's absolutely no reflection on how much he loves our parents - just not one of his strengths.

[lindrusso]

Gift buying is hard, even as an adult, so you may need to cut them some slack, especially for Dads! :)

Could you and DH get your heads together and give them a list that they could use for gift giving - with ideas that they could kind of rotate?

Like a gift certificates to favorite restaurants, movie tickets, gift certificate to a bookstore, etc. My MIL and mom always ask for a list, but they know that if I don't give them one, they can always give me a gift certificate to the local nursery (for spring planting and such), a gift certificate to cooking classes, and several other places that they know I frequent regularly.

If you have a computer at home, DH might also look into setting up a wish list on Amazon. He could cruise around and see what catches his eye and then DDs could pick something out from the list.

Giving a list of ideas may take some of the surprise out of it, but it's got to be better than turning gift giving into an unpleasant chore, right? :)

[Beth]

We still have to do family hints, but I'm teaching my boys with every birthday party and holiday season to consider what the other person likes, their needs, how they like to spend their time and what might make their jobs or hobbies easier -- as well as the appropriateness of the amount spent. We talk about what they would buy for themselves as well as what things that person would probably not buy for themselves. I teach them to consider whether the person can return the item if we are wrong. Even if we get a gift certificate, we try to do something fun or different with it. They are doing more help with selection, but I haven't turned them totally loose yet (they were 9 and 12 last round of gift giving events, now 10 and 13). I'm not sure when I'll give them free reign.

Sometimes they will see something they think someone else will like and want to buy it even though we are not shopping for a gift for that person -- so I know they are leaning in the right direction. I think some folks have a knack for gift selection, but for most folks, I think it's a learned skill. Or unlearned in the case of horrible dresses, etc. ;)

[Kathy B]

One thing we have also talked about is "generic gifts" or things that almost anyone would like or could use. That might include things like coffee mugs, food items (which could be somewhat tailored to taste if known), pen/pencil sets, desk supplies, cologne, movie cards, etc. Sometimes it is possible to get bogged down trying to find the "perfect thing" when the truth of the matter is that their dad will probably be happy with almost anything because it is from his children.

I might approach it by telling the girls that on a certain day I would be taking them shopping to get something for their dad's birthday, so they may want to figure out some ideas. (They could ask him, ask their friends, google gift ideas, or whatever). Then leave it at that. When you take them, turn them loose and tell them how much time they have to make their selections. Then let them do it. Even if they come to you with only 10 minutes left and no purchase, you can just run through some of the generic type ideas and tell them "You decide, but you need to go get it now, because we are leaving."
They will come up with something, and they will gradually become more comfortable doing it.

And on the off-chance that Dad isn't exactly thrilled with their choices, maybe next year he will be more forthcoming with ideas for them! ;)

One other thing that my DD has always enjoyed doing for her dad is making him hunt for one of his gifts with a treasure hunt. She writes several clues, each one leading to the next one, until he finally arrives at his gift. DH is a very good sport about it and always gets into the spirit of the hunt which makes it fun for everyone. You could have them do that with any gift, whether it is from them or from all of you. That way they are involved in the planning of making it a special day even if they didn't necessarily help with gift selection.

[Curiosity Hears]

Wow! Thank you all for your responses. Please keep them coming too if you like. I can't tell you how much you have helped me. :) Thank you sincerely, I still have so much to learn.

[Canice]

I don't recall my parents helping me pick out gifts for each other or my siblings at all. When I was little, little (like under 7) we had a holiday fair at school -basically a white elephant party of sorts- and we could go and pick out gifts. I think there were just three price levels, topping out at a big 25 cents.
But like Tyra, I recall going to the shops by myself pretty much after that to pick things out. I know kids aren't allowed to do that anymore, but why not think about the things the parents like/interests/hobbies and go from there? :confused: I don't think there's anything wrong the price of the gift being commensurate with the child's age. I wonder if that's part of the problem?

[erinl]

I agree with Canice. I remember going to children's rooms at craft fairs and at school and picking things out for my sister and parents.

DD, who is 4, just told me today that she had a great Christmas idea for her little brother. It was a very good idea, so I told her we'd go shopping some time and she could pick it out. She doesn't have her own money yet, so I'll pay for it, but it was a reasonably priced idea. At this age, I'll also encourage making gifts. At 12 and 14, they'd probably be able to make some pretty cool things. Knitting, cross-stitching....ooh, have them make dinner and dessert--they shouldn't need too much supervision, but they could pick the menu keeping dad in mind, go shopping, etc.