My sweet little Mini, rest in peace

[newcook]

My sweet little poodle died yesterday quite unexpectedly. She was so well and playful in the morning and began to feel poorly at lunchtime. I thought she had a flu or something and she would feel better soon. She was with me at work and I was so busy, I feel so terribly about that now.

I was trying to keep her on my lap and carry her with me, but I saw I was bouncing her around with every step and thought she would be more comfortable in her bed so I put her down in it. She was trying to climb back on me but I would put her back down, so she laid down on the floor at my feet. At around 3 PM I saw she was not lying down the way she normally would so I picked her up and found her so limp and saw blood coming from her mouth. I immediately rushed her to the emergency hospital, but she died on my lap in the car on the way.

They were not able to resuscitate her because her lungs were full of blood. They said it was most likely a recurrence of the anemia she had had some time ago that I had shared with all of you about. They told me they probably would not have been able to save her even if I had taken her at lunch time when I first noticed her not feeling well. Still, I feel just completely terrible that all she wanted in the end was to be in my arms but because I was so busy at work I left her on the floor. It will haunt me for a very long time. Not to mention that I am feeling very bitter about my job because I had been over-worked for at least 2 months and they only gave me help 2 days ago, and because of that I was so far behind in my work that I didn't hold her when she needed me most.

Those of you who have lost pets will know how absolutely devastating it can be.

[acginkc]

I am so sorry. The loss of a pet is so hard. I know you were a great mom to her and she was glad to be near you when she passed. Bella sends her slobbery licks your way. (((newcook and Mini)))

[Lauren]

(((Newcook)))) - I'm so sorry for your loss of Mini. Please don't blame yourself for not holding her. I'm sure she was comforted just being with you, at your feet. Thank goodness you were home with her.

[Robyn1007]

I'm so very sorry. Just last weekend I found myself rushing a dog to an emergency vet so I know just how traumatic that event in and of itself can be. You are both in my prayers.

[stefania4]

I'm so terribly sorry for the loss to your family. Pets have such a special place in our lives and our hearts.

[Beth]

So sorry for your loss. Do not guilt yourself over not holding her -- she was with you and that's what was most important to her. For most folks, being at work would have meant the dog was at home alone all day. Be gratefule what you gave her and she to you.

[mcgeiger]

I'm sorry for the loss of your friend. I'm sure she was thrilled to be with you, even if she couldn't be on you.

Here is a site with info on grief, memorials, dealing with pet loss, etc.
http://www.argusinstitute.colostate.edu/grief.htm

[mmbedard]

((((newcook)))) I am so sorry for your loss; I know how close you were to Mini. Comfort yourself with the fact that you were able to be with her when she needed you. She was fortunate to be able to spend her time with you even when you were at work.

[ErinM]

Oh newcook, I am so sorry... :(

[Chelle D]

I am so sorry for your loss....

[testkitchen45]

I am so sorry for the loss of your pet. You did the right thing by putting her down, as what *she* wanted, to be held by you, would have caused her pain or discomfort--so, by being at your feet, she had the comfort of being with you, plus the physical comfort of not being jostled around. :(

[beckms]

(((newcook)))) I think dogs are quite comforted simply by being in the presence of their owners, so i'll bet little Mini felt nice and safe just by being at your feet.
I'm quite sure there was nothing you could have done to change the outcome, but I know that doesn't make it any less hard on you.

Take care and think often of all of the good times you had with her.

[GingerPow]

I am so sad to read this, Newcook. Don't beat yourself up about anything, I'm sure your Mini felt loved by you, right up to her last breath.

Most people have to leave their dog alone at home while they are at work, how wonderful you were able to have her with you - what a blessing that you were by her side when she passed on.

I am very sorry for your loss.

[Natasha]

Daniele,

I am so sorry to hear about Mini. I know she was a close companion for you. She was very fortunate to have such a compassionate owner and to be able to be with you all day at work.

Many hugs,
Natasha

[gertdog]

I'm so sorry about Mini. From your posts about her over the years, I know how much you loved her. Please don't doubt that Mini knew it too. ((((newcook))))

[SusanPC]

I am so sorry for your loss. Don't beat yourself up, as others said, being with you must have been a huge comfort to her. The loss of a pet is such a terrible thing, my thoughts are with you.

[Salt]

I am so so sorry about your loss. It is so hard to lose a pet. Your pet was blessed just to have you near her yesterday. You shouldn’t feel guilty at all. Most pet owners, including myself, can only hope that we can be near our loved ones when it’s their time to leave us for a better place. You are in my thoughts and prayers.

[Escher]

My heartfelt condolances, newcook

[kcmo727]

I'm so sorry! You and Mini are in my prayers. I read somewhere that the grief we feel when we lose a pet is the price we must pay for choosing to love a creature with a shorter life span than our own. But that love is worth the grief! I wish you peace and comfort in the days to come. Take good care of yourself.

[boisewinesnob]

newcook, I'm so sorry about your precious puppy! I'll be thinking of you.

[LakeMartinGal]

(((((Newcook))))) I had a similar experience with Bailey... it is haunting, but you gave your puppy a great life, and shared a big love. She'll be waiting at the Rainbow Bridge.

There is a bridge connecting Heaven and Earth. It is called Rainbow Bridge because of it’s many colours. Just this side of the Rainbow Bridge, there is a land of meadows, hills and valleys with lush green grass. When a beloved pet dies, the pet goes to this place. There is always food and water, and warm Spring weather. Those old and frail animals are young again. Those who have been maimed are made whole again. They play all day with each other.
But there is only one thing missing. They are not with their special person who loved them on earth. So, each day they run and play until the day comes when one suddenly stops playing and looks up. The nose twitches, the ears are up, and the eyes are staring, and this one suddenly runs from the group. You have been seen, and when you and your special friend meet, you take him or her into your arms and embrace. Your face is kissed again and again and you look once more into the eyes of your trusting pet.

[raka1214]

(((((newcook))))) I am so sorry to hear of your loss.

[Canice]

I am so very sorry, Newcook, that's heartbreaking; I know she meant the world to you. She was fortunate to be with you at work and not home alone, though that doesn't change your loss, I know.
You were a wonderful companion and care-giver to her, to be sure.

[imloulou]

Oh...I am soooo sorry. Your story just touched my heart. I know how special our animals are.

Don't worry over not holding her and thinking that she did not feel your love in her last moments. Just the fact that you had her at work shows how much you love her! Our animals just want to be by us and please us...whether it is on our laps or at our feet...it's all love!

My thoughts are with you and your little Mini...

[KimE]

I am so sorry for your loss (((())))))

Kim

[birdyone]

Newcook - I am so very sorry. I have lost too many and it never gets easier. You cannot beat yourself up - you did everything you could. Things happen for a reason. Time will heal.
Hugs,
Elaine

[luv2cook]

At least she wasn't alone when she died. I consider myself a great pet owner and I still feel guilt about what I should or shouldn't have done w/Cassie, Dixie & Teko. You do the best you can w/the situation you have at the time. you didn't know she was going to die on you!

[SusanL]

More prayers and hugs coming to you both! Our pets ARE familly members and we love them dearly! Hugs!!!

[memartha]

(((Newcook))) I'm very sorry about your loss.

[armel]

oh, I can't imagine how you feel. it is always so sad to lose a pet. I can tell though that your little Poodle must have had the best life possible, just having you. Gigi and I send hugs. (((Newcook)))

[newcook]

Thank you all so much for your comforting words. I have been remembering the good things to try to lessen the tormenting thoughts. I remembered how I just put on my duvet on my bed a few days ago because it is a little chilly, and how that very morning when I got up and saw Mini all cuddled up, warm and toasty in the duvet (getting up early in the morning was just for the sucker who had to get ready in the morning before going to work, she stayed in bed until the very last second), I had covered her with her little blanket and kissed her while she slept and told her I loved her. These kinds of memories are comforting to me. I am trying to take it a day at a time because I can't see myself living alone without her. I found a picture I had taken in the spring when I got up in the morning and saw her sleeping while I was getting ready for work, and it reminded me of the good times we had. I will try to post it.

http://www.imagestation.com/picture/sraid216/p9a3e4f0df946de7f82f0d6bacc4c7560/eca78dd9.jpg

http://www.imagestation.com/picture/sraid216/pd04888e5f82ea22d0b69b8577fe41b21/eca78cd5.jpg

[GingerPow]

Awwww, what a cutie she was. Eventually, sadness over her loss will give way to smiles from your memories. Takes time.

[Canice]

What an adorable little dog, and such sweet photos!
I do hope you can find some peace, and even a little satisfaction in knowing that you were a wonderful friend and companion to HER, too.