RSVP - a rant

[Terri_A]

Okay, so our society is becoming more lax every day and it seems that RSVPing has gone away. BUT, here's my beef today. I play a game called Pokeno once a month with a group of girlfriends - think Bunko with cards instead of dice. It's always the 2nd Wednesday of the month. We always send an Evite out to make it easy to reply. Today is Pokeno and I'm hosting. I'm making a fairly elaborate Halloween-inspired meal ( I'll post my menu on another thread) and several items are individual things that I don't think I should have to make "extras" of just in case someone shows up that didn't reply. 4 women have not replied. It is sooooo darn easy with evite - when you view an invitation, you check a box and hit reply. You can do it a 3am in your underwear. You don't have to call anyone. You don't have to even type an email. So why is it that people can't even handle this one little tiny nicety?

EEEEERRRRRGGGGGHHHHH! Can you tell I'm irritated????

[ErinM]

RSVP'ing is nice. I tend to forget to do it, but I try.

But here's what gets me...

My sister is getting married in two. I'm a part of the wedding party. Will someone PLEASE explain to me WHY I have to RSVP for the rehearsal, the wedding, AND The morning after brunch? I'm a part of the thing! Can't we just assume I'm going to be there??? I mean, it's not like I'm going to forget or anything, my whole dang family is going to be in town. I understand they may want a headcount, but count heads of the people who are optioning to come, not those who are "required" to be in attendance by virtue of being a member of the cast!

[donleyk]

Okay, so our society is becoming more lax every day and it seems that RSVPing has gone away. BUT, here's my beef today. I play a game called Pokeno once a month with a group of girlfriends - think Bunko with cards instead of dice. It's always the 2nd Wednesday of the month. We always send an Evite out to make it easy to reply. Today is Pokeno and I'm hosting. I'm making a fairly elaborate Halloween-inspired meal ( I'll post my menu on another thread) and several items are individual things that I don't think I should have to make "extras" of just in case someone shows up that didn't reply. 4 women have not replied. It is sooooo darn easy with evite - when you view an invitation, you check a box and hit reply. You can do it a 3am in your underwear. You don't have to call anyone. You don't have to even type an email. So why is it that people can't even handle this one little tiny nicety?

EEEEERRRRRGGGGGHHHHH! Can you tell I'm irritated????

Terri- I would have thought that since this is a reaccuring thing that everyone would RSVP. Surely if everyone takes a turn hosting then they'd know how important it is to RSVP. It's incredible to me that people don't bother with something so easy and it happens every time I host. Dear Abby or one of those had an article this week or last regarding how rude it is. Sadly it won't help a bit!

I am interested in seeing your menu. I didn't have anything to contribute when you put out your halloween type food thread earlier.

[IndyKF]

EEEEERRRRRGGGGGHHHHH! Can you tell I'm irritated????

Yep...and rightfully so. This is one of my biggest pet peeves. It IS so easy to RSVP, especially with something like Evite. Most of my close friends are pretty good about it, but DH's family - forget it.

[funniegrrl]

RSVP'ing is nice. I tend to forget to do it, but I try.

But here's what gets me...

My sister is getting married in two. I'm a part of the wedding party. Will someone PLEASE explain to me WHY I have to RSVP for the rehearsal, the wedding, AND The morning after brunch? I'm a part of the thing! Can't we just assume I'm going to be there???

No, RSVPing isn't "nice" -- as in, you're doing the host some sort of grand favor, it's not something you do if you get around to it and get in the mood to do so. When you are invited to something, you are then obliged to let the host know whether or not you'll be there. It is the RIGHT thing to do. It is RUDE and thoughtless not to.

As for being in the wedding party absolving you from RSVPing ... uh ... no. You still have to be included in all of the counts for food, etc. and you should not expect that the organizers should just be able to keep in their heads that you and all the rest of the wedding party will automatically be there. Why not make it easier on them and respond in the requested fashion so that your little card or hash mark our database checkmark will be included with all the rest? Organizing any sort of party can be complicated and harried -- forcing the host / caterer / whoever to keep up with Your Important Self above and beyond the other guests is, again, rude.

[Andrea_2]

I just don't think there is any excuse not to RSVP. It requires very little effort, and I think it is just extremely rude to not do it.

[Grace]

I can tell you why people don't RSVP (at least one of the big reasons, maybe not the only reason). When they get the invitation, they don't know if they're going or not. People tend to wait until the last minute nowadays to decide whether they want to go to something or not. My Mom calls it "waiting for a better offer" syndrome. Not so much that they're actually waiting for a better offer, but they don't know yet what they'll be doing the third Thursday next month, so rather than commit to you, they wait to see what their schedule will be like (and if something else for that day comes up in the meantime that they'd rather do, that's what they do).

That's my theory anyway. And it's definitely rude.

[sugarbaby]

I HATE it when folks don't RSVP! It's not difficult!

What I hated even more was when I invited one of my mom's friends to my wedding (I didn't know the lady), and shortly after the invites went out she went crazy on my mom and called her an f*****g female dog, and RSVPed that she wasn't coming to the wedding, so she wasn't included in the final headcount. But guess who showed up at the wedding and reception? What a wench! :mad:

[Kathy B]

Not so much that they're actually waiting for a better offer, but they don't know yet what they'll be doing the third Thursday next month, so rather than commit to you, they wait to see what their schedule will be like (and if something else for that day comes up in the meantime that they'd rather do, that's what they do).

That's my theory anyway. And it's definitely rude.

Well it may be that they aren't waiting for a better offer, but rather waiting to make sure they don't have a conflict. There is a difference. With two active teenagers and a school system that often doesn't notify parents of things until the week of or even a week before an event, I can't always be sure that a "free day" won't end up with mandatory school obligations and/or kids needing transportation. Sometimes I can work around them, not always.
I DO try to respond, but may not do so right away so that I don't agree to something only to find that I have to cancel.

I agree, though, that it is rude to never respond at all. I've been on that end of it, too, and it's very frustrating!

[Terri_A]

I understand waiting to reply until you have a sitter, know your schedule that day, etc. But the event is TODAY. Also, on evite, there's a maybe option. I have 2 maybes for tonight - they just wrote what the circumstance was so I'd know the odds of them being there - very kind. No reply at all - not nice!!!

[boisewinesnob]

I HATE it when folks don't RSVP! It's not difficult!

What I hated even more was when I invited one of my mom's friends to my wedding (I didn't know the lady), and shortly after the invites went out she went crazy on my mom and called her an f*****g female dog, and RSVPed that she wasn't coming to the wedding, so she wasn't included in the final headcount. But guess who showed up at the wedding and reception? What a wench! :mad:

sugarbaby, I can't believe that! Wow that woman has no class :eek:

[SDMomChef]

I'm an oddball here...I don't mind RSVPing by e-mail, but I really don't like to RSVP by telephone (i.e. kid birthday parties) - I always feel awkward talking to somebody whom I don't know. I know - I'm weird.

That being said, I do try to remember to RSVP, but I'm not the most organized person, and if I don't do it right away, I have forgotten in the past (just for kid birthday parties).

In the reverse, when I send out invitations for the kids, I always specify RSVP - Regrets only to avoid those awkward telephone calls. Hmmm....I should include an e-mail address next time.

I guess, if you are doing something special like this - I probably would send an e-mail to those 4 asking if they are attending so you can plan - uncalled for, yes.

[funnybone]

People tend to wait until the last minute nowadays to decide whether they want to go to something or not. My Mom calls it "waiting for a better offer" syndrome.

That's my theory anyway. And it's definitely rude.

I can see where this is the case sometimes, but our Bunco group has the dates/hostesses for the entire year already set in stone. We still send out invitations and ask the rsvp to be until about 2 days prior to the event. Still, there are those who just can't rsvp, or do and then last minute don't show up. We have each player bring a dish, so it isn't so much about how much to make, but with how many tables need to be set up. Sure last minute changes occur, but a "maybe" is better than an ignore. If you change your mind, let us know. It's just courtesy.

[Varaile]

My sister and I hosted my SIL's baby shower back in Aug. The SIL's guest list was 50 people and we decided to hold it at a hotel and have it catered.

I wrote on the bottom of the invites, "A Response is Required Please". I only had to call about 10 people when the deadline arrived.

The sad thing was, out of 50 people only 11 responded yes and 4 of those were family. :(

[newtricks]

I'm an oddball here...I don't mind RSVPing by e-mail, but I really don't like to RSVP by telephone (i.e. kid birthday parties) - I always feel awkward talking to somebody whom I don't know. I know - I'm weird.

But then isn't it *really* awkward if you don't rsvp?

You caught me on a day where I'm supposed to call a few people and ask them to do something - which is one of my most hated things to do. So I'm psyching myself up by saying "rationally, what will cause me more anxiety. Calling the person? Or not calling them and failing at this task?" So I pass that along to you. ;) Would you rather feel awkward for a second or be "that mom who never rsvp's :eek: ".

[luv2cook]

Today is Pokeno and I'm hosting. I'm making a fairly elaborate Halloween-inspired meal

Hmmmm. I'll take the place of your inconsiderate guests and help eat your Halloween menu!!! :)

[Robyncz]

I'm a part of the wedding party. Will someone PLEASE explain to me WHY I have to RSVP for the rehearsal, the wedding, AND The morning after brunch?

I would assume (although I know I could be wrong) that the three events are being hosted by different people, and that's why you would respond to three separate invitations. While you think it might be obvious that you are going to attend each event, it may not be obvious to the host. Sometimes members of the bridal party are unable to attend the rehearsal dinner a morning-after brunch.

Erin, I swear I'm not trying to pick on you after you've been completely honest about how you feel, but what I don't get is why responding to the invitations is so difficult--especially the self-addressed stamped cards. How hard is it to put one in the mailbox?

Personally, I try to respond to invitations immediately--especially if I know we can't make it because of a previous engagement. I think if you let an invitation sit for too long, you're much more likely to forget to respond to it.

[summer02]

Maybe it's just me, but when I host a party, I consider it part of the job to follow up with the people who don't RSVP.

I know that some people are too shy, inconsiderate or whatever to RSVP, but sometimes invitations are lost in the mail or evites are treated as spam and deleted. Better to give the benefit of the doubt and make a follow up phone call than to create friction in a friendship over something so easily taken care of :)

I'm not so tolerant of "maybe"s though - it's either yes or no. Chances are I've set the RSVP date as late as possible to give you time to decide so if you think that you can't be there or that you'll have something better to do, then please just say "no thanks" and be done with it.

[ErinM]

I would assume (although I know I could be wrong) that the three events are being hosted by different people, and that's why you would respond to three separate invitations. While you think it might be obvious that you are going to attend each event, it may not be obvious to the host. Sometimes members of the bridal party are unable to attend the rehearsal dinner a morning-after brunch.

Erin, I swear I'm not trying to pick on you after you've been completely honest about how you feel, but what I don't get is why responding to the invitations is so difficult--especially the self-addressed stamped cards. How hard is it to put one in the mailbox?

Personally, I try to respond to invitations immediately--especially if I know we can't make it because of a previous engagement. I think if you let an invitation sit for too long, you're much more likely to forget to respond to it.


It's OK, I know you're not picking on me, but I think someone up thread was. Not that I care too much, because I'm not going to go there.

The wedding did have a SASE which I did get back. The other two events are being held by the same person. There is no card to send back, I have to call or email. If I was just a member of the family going to this wedding, or even a friend, I'd RSVP. But I'm part of the thing, so why can't we just assume I'll be there?

What I prefer, and this is what my sister did for the shower, was to have people RSVP only if there WEREN'T coming. For me personally, that works better, especially being a member of the wedding party. I think it takes pressure of both parties, the hostess doesn't have to follow up with a lot of people to find out if there are coming, and people are more likely to let others know if they CAN'T do something than if they can, since they know they are being counted to be there, and will feel much worse if don't honor it. I have a much easier time letting someone know I CAN'T make it than if I am. Maybe I'm just so full of myself that people should just KNOW I'll be at their events! :D

Like I said, it's just me. I'm a go with the flow type of person.

[misskitty100]

Maybe it's just me, but when I host a party, I consider it part of the job to follow up with the people who don't RSVP.

I know that some people are too shy, inconsiderate or whatever to RSVP, but sometimes invitations are lost in the mail or evites are treated as spam and deleted. Better to give the benefit of the doubt and make a follow up phone call than to create friction in a friendship over something so easily taken care of :)

I'm not so tolerant of "maybe"s though - it's either yes or no. Chances are I've set the RSVP date as late as possible to give you time to decide so if you think that you can't be there or that you'll have something better to do, then please just say "no thanks" and be done with it.


I do this too. If I am hosting an event and certain people do not respond - I will hunt them down :eek: and find out -- Yes or No -- if they are coming.

However, the OP stated this is a monthly get together so I doubt it is a case of others being too shy to respond or emails getting lost or deleted since they would know about the get together even without an evite.

Terri: I would love to come to your house for your yummy meal. You really went all out!!

[lisas3575]

Terri, you've hit on my #1 pet peeve. I agree with Grace, most often it's people waiting for a better offer. My dad does this at every holiday-- doesn't RSVP until the day before, when he'll say, "so and so invited me so I'm going over there instead." :mad:

And Erin, I just can't cut you slack on this one. :D It's a phone call or an e-mail. Takes all of 10 seconds either way. You are still considered a guest even though you're in the wedding party. There were members of my wedding party that couldn't attend the rehearsal dinner the night before because of a conflict-- it happens, and people need to plan food, chairs, seating etc.

Kathy B, I'm not going easy on your situation either-- everyone has things that come up afterward. I'd much rather a guest replied yes and then called later if something urgent comes up. But I was also raised that if you accept an invitation, then things simply get scheduled around it (except sickness and emergencies, of course). Kids school activities included. There were things I couldn't participate in because we were expected somewhere else that night.

Truly, I'm not picking on you guys, this is just a huge hot button issue for me and you guys gave examples. :) There is no excuse for the rudeness of not replying or replying at a really late date.

[newtricks]

But I was also raised that if you accept an invitation, then things simply get scheduled around it (except sickness and emergencies, of course). Kids school activities included. There were things I couldn't participate in because we were expected somewhere else that night.

Oooh so Mean!?! :p Good points all.

But the kid school activities thing. For better or worse things have changed. A lot. Kid's activities/ sports, etc. seem to take precedence over their parents activities. I can't imagine my parents, ever, missed a social occassion for our stuff (excluding plays, concerts, etc.) We have some good friends who we haven't seen socially in years because their son plays hockey. (Yes, they do like us, stop thinking like that ;) . I just had lunch with *her* today.)

[Grace]

But I was also raised that if you accept an invitation, then things simply get scheduled around it (except sickness and emergencies, of course). Kids school activities included. There were things I couldn't participate in because we were expected somewhere else that night.


This is exactly how I was raised! My mother would never let us back out of something we'd already accepted an invitation to. No matter how great it was. I am still that way now as an adult and some people have been mad at me for it!

My new boss was getting married and invited me after the real invitations already went out (because I just started there when the invites went out and she didn't really know me, but we became friendly pretty quickly so she said she'd love it if I came to her wedding). I had a backyard BBQ to attend that evening. When I told her I could come to the church service, but not the reception she was incredulous. She couldn't figure out how I would rather go to an informal backyard BBQ than to her big wedding! It wasn't that I didn't want to go to her wedding, but I'd already told my friend I'd be at her BBQ. I wasn't about to call her and say I'd been invited to a wedding in the meantime, so sorry, I wasn't coming after all. Would the hostess have been hurt if I had? Probably not. Could I have lied and said I had the wedding all along but forgot about it? Sure. I wasn't the guest of honor or anything at her BBQ. But it was just how I was raised. My boss still to this day thinks I'm wierd for that - she brings it up now and then (five years later).

[Kathy B]

Kathy B, I'm not going easy on your situation either-- everyone has things that come up afterward. I'd much rather a guest replied yes and then called later if something urgent comes up. But I was also raised that if you accept an invitation, then things simply get scheduled around it (except sickness and emergencies, of course). Kids school activities included. There were things I couldn't participate in because we were expected somewhere else that night.

Truly, I'm not picking on you guys, this is just a huge hot button issue for me and you guys gave examples. :) There is no excuse for the rudeness of not replying or replying at a really late date.

Oh, I agree. As I said, I have been on the other end, and it is very frustrating. I was offering another idea, however, why people may wait to reply besides the idea that they are just "waiting to see if something else comes up they would rather do." I wouldn't wait until the last minute, but if the event is 3 weeks away, I may not call right away. I guess if you need to know sooner it would say so with the RSVP, right?

But the kid school activities thing. For better or worse things have changed. A lot. Kid's activities/ sports, etc. seem to take precedence over their parents activities. I can't imagine my parents, ever, missed a social occassion for our stuff (excluding plays, concerts, etc.)

I think that may be partially because parents are a lot more involved with their kids activities than they used to be. I am DD's GS leader, DH has been DS's coach in the past. We are also their RIDE to many activities and always their personal cheering section. :) That is how we have chosen to spend the years that our kids are at home, so we DO accept fewer social invitations than we did pre-kids. OTOH, my two will be up and out in fewer years than I care to think about, and I know I will not regret the time spent with them in their various activities. We don't make it to everything, but I know they appreciate our presence when we ARE there, and that makes it worthwhile.

On a side note, kids school activities HAVE changed from when I was in school. Teachers, coaches and even the school administration seem to think nothing of scheduling mandatory things outside of school hours (for example, early morning band practice, weekend rehearsals), or changing dates of sporting events, and often with little notice. This can really wreak havoc with our schedule and create additional conflicts. But that is probably a topic for another thread...... ;)

[Kiwismommy]

"What I prefer, and this is what my sister did for the shower, was to have people RSVP only if there WEREN'T coming. For me personally, that works better, especially being a member of the wedding party. I think it takes pressure of both parties, the hostess doesn't have to follow up with a lot of people to find out if there are coming, and people are more likely to let others know if they CAN'T do something than if they can, since they know they are being counted to be there, and will feel much worse if don't honor it. I have a much easier time letting someone know I CAN'T make it than if I am. Maybe I'm just so full of myself that people should just KNOW I'll be at their events! "

That might be what you would prefer........but in this case you are not the one setting the parameters!

In planning many events myself.....if you don't hear from someone.....maybe they didn't get the invitation due to the mail (or whatever). therefore I need to follow up with a phone call.

To me, it is plain & simple...if the invite says "RSVP" then, please, RSVP.

If the invite says "Only RSVP if you can't attend"......then RSVP if you can't attend!!

What is difficult about that?

[lisas3575]

<virtual high-five> :D

[Gecko]

This is exactly how I was raised! My mother would never let us back out of something we'd already accepted an invitation to. No matter how great it was. I am still that way now as an adult and some people have been mad at me for it!

Me too. And to this day I do not back out of a committment I have made unless either me or one my girls is very ill. It is just bad manners to cancel, especially if your reason is that you got a better offer - how rude.

I deal with this all the time at work. We hold a lot of social events and you would not beleive the amount of people who do not RSVP (well I guess you might ;) ) and I have to go to the trouble of calling them all to see if they are coming because we have a caterer organized. In my dreams the way I handle it is to turn everyone away at the door who has not bothered to have the courtesy to RSVP - in reality I have to smile sweetly and say welcome :rolleyes:

If I do not RSVP to a party one of the girls have been invited to, then I would expect that they are not going. I always RSVP early because I know that the parents are probably going to be very busy towards the RSVP date calling everyone who has not bothered to let them know.

[Terri_A]

Okay, since I started this over my event tonight I thought I'd tell you that to start with I had 10 yes's and 2 maybes...the 2 maybes both showed...2 of the yes's no-showed ( both called ) so we ended up with 10 still. I'm posting photos of the food on the other thread. Overall a great success!!! But still annoyed that people don't RSVP!!!

[newtricks]

I think that may be partially because parents are a lot more involved with their kids activities than they used to be. I am DD's GS leader, DH has been DS's coach in the past. We are also their RIDE to many activities and always their personal cheering section. :) That is how we have chosen to spend the years that our kids are at home, so we DO accept fewer social invitations than we did pre-kids. OTOH, my two will be up and out in fewer years than I care to think about, and I know I will not regret the time spent with them in their various activities. We don't make it to everything, but I know they appreciate our presence when we ARE there, and that makes it worthwhile.

On a side note, kids school activities HAVE changed from when I was in school. Teachers, coaches and even the school administration seem to think nothing of scheduling mandatory things outside of school hours (for example, early morning band practice, weekend rehearsals), or changing dates of sporting events, and often with little notice. This can really wreak havoc with our schedule and create additional conflicts. But that is probably a topic for another thread...... ;)

Exactly. That's what I was saying. Those conflicts *will* come up and you will have to change your plans. That stuff's not optional and there's a whole lot more of it now. My dh runs the flag football program in town and I'm president of our dd's nursery school. I also see that the PTO/ Room parent type commitments are much bigger/ time intensive than when I was a kid.

But, yeah, the other thread might be .... Are we TOO involved with our kids? Is it actually good for them?

[badunnin]

I'm another one that is horrible about RSVPing. I can't stand talking on the phone as a rule, I will email. I also don't mail bday cards on time, I don't write bdays in my planner so I likely won't call you on your bday either. I have been known to send Christmas gifts in September - after Christmas. I will have it wrapped and addressed, but can't get it to the post office. How hard is it to put a card in the mailbox you say? For me, it's very difficult. I don't send Christmas cards at all because I can't get them in the mailbox. I went to online bill pay because I can't get the cheques written and the envelopes into the mailbox. My brain just doesn't work that way.

If it's that important to you as a party thrower, (hey, I don't know what you have planned for food!) get on the phone and call.

I agree with Erin that if I accept to being a bridesmaid, I accept any and all invitations to bridal related events unless there are extenuating circumstances (like the bachelorette party is in Mexico because the bride lives in Texas, but I live in Germany). Those are part and parcel to the ugly dress that I'll wear once.

[ellielk]

When I told her I could come to the church service, but not the reception she was incredulous. She couldn't figure out how I would rather go to an informal backyard BBQ than to her big wedding! It wasn't that I didn't want to go to her wedding, but I'd already told my friend I'd be at her BBQ. I wasn't about to call her and say I'd been invited to a wedding in the meantime, so sorry, I wasn't coming after all. Would the hostess have been hurt if I had? Probably not. Could I have lied and said I had the wedding all along but forgot about it? Sure. I wasn't the guest of honor or anything at her BBQ. But it was just how I was raised. My boss still to this day thinks I'm wierd for that - she brings it up now and then (five years later).

Did you have to tell your boss that you were passing up her reception for a BBQ? Couldn't you just have said that you'd L-O-V-E to attend her wedding but you unfortunately had a previous engagement and would be unable to attend the reception. That wouldn't be a lie. Nor is it any business of your boss' what the previous engagement was.

[Grace]

No, I definitely didn't have to tell her. As I recall, she did ask why I couldn't come, and since I didn't think it was any big deal (we're very friendly - not a typical boss/employee relationship - heck, she paints my toenails while we're working!), I just told her the truth. I didn't think much about her asking why (I would probably have been curious if I had been her - it seems like a normal question), and I didn't think anything about the real answer. Had I realized or known she was going to be upset, I could have planned a much better answer. But again, I anticipated her having respect for good character, not being upset.

[luv2cook]

Had I realized or known she was going to be upset

I think people tend to take things like weddings and special events more personally than just a get-together of sorts...

I remember being very upset that my future inlaws and one of my closest friend's "couldn't make it" to our wedding or reception...I felt like since it was DH's second marriage, they didn't kill themselves to be there...my other friend had a great reason and I understood, but it WAS my wedding!

[Grace]

I agree. My father didn't come to my (2nd) wedding, and a lot of me isn't bothered by it, but a little of me is.

That said, a close friend, parent, sibling, whatever is a lot different from the girl who just started working for you a month ago. My boss is a very self absorbed person though, and in retrospect, knowing what I know now about her, I definitely would have had a "better" answer ready. But that's just the point. If I am actually doing the right thing by keeping my commitments, that shouldn't upset people.

[luv2cook]

Absolutely. I will always tell people, if they ask me to do something during the week ahead of time, I always ask if it's okay to let them know later becaues my work schedule varies and I don't want to say yes if I don't know...

[testkitchen45]

Okay, so our society is becoming more lax every day and it seems that RSVPing has gone away. . . . EEEEERRRRRGGGGGHHHHH! Can you tell I'm irritated????
Oh, boy, do I agree with you!! :mad: I was planning to host a very elegant, small dinner party a few weeks ago, for a relative's engagement. The only non-family guests were going to be the couple who had introduced the engaged pair. I scheduled the date in conversations with the invited couple (they chose the date they knew would work); followed up to confirm that the date was still OK; sent a "save the date" card; designed and sent a lovely invitation; bought tons of expensive groceries; cleaned my home; cracked the whip :) on my kids to get their end of the house cleaned up; cooked all day . . . and then, THE NIGHT BEFORE THE PARTY, AT 8:30 P.M., when we had to call them because the engaged couple said they'd heard that the invited couple might have a scheduling problem, the invited couple reveals that a) one of them was called away on business three days before AND NEVER THOUGHT TO CALL ME, and b) they never thought to line up a babysitter for their toddler, despite 8 weeks' notice on the date that they picked! And, of course, c) I would never have known if I hadn't called them; no one called me. Basically, they forgot all about the party! Traveling would have only been the real reason for the cancellation if they had called me when it happened. I wouldn't even have been upset. But having them pretend that's the reason, when it's clear they simply forgot, is tough to take.

I'm so with you on the RSVP thing, as it's part of a huge problem of lack of consideration for other people: either lack of RSVPs, or blowing them off. "I feel your pain." ;)

[badunnin]

I would like to add that I agree with people, however, that if you commit to an event, ya need to show up.