Moving back to hometown?

[MaryMorph]

Hi--Has anyone moved back to their hometown after being away for a while?

We're in the VERY early stages of discussion of moving from our current condo in a suburb just outside of Chicago back to my hometown of Omaha, NE.

On paper, it makes so much sense---the cost of living is WAAAAY lower (we could have a 4 BR house for the same price as our 2BR condo), my mom and sister and her family are still there, I have close friends and their families living there, we both have job opportunies, our commutes would be cut in half at least, our daycare costs would go way down b/c my mom would be able to watch our 18 month old son a few days a week, great schools, lower taxes, etc.

The downside is that we would be moving farther from some of my husband's family (a brother we see once a month in our suburb, extended relatives in other Chicago suburbs, siblings/family/close friends of his 3 hours away in Michigan---his parents are in California, though), leaving a city that we've loved (but don't take advantage of as much as we did when we weren't mortgage holding parents), and leaving a job that I love (my husband hates his job and wouldn't mind leaving it.)

It feels like the move is all about me, but at the same time, it really makes sense. We both feel like our next move will be rather permanent. I know that I would be happy if we were to go, but Tim is scared that we'll get there and he'll hate it after a few years, but he won't want to leave because I'm happy there.

Has anyone else made such a move? How did it go? Any words of wisdom?

Thanks (as always!) for your advice!

mary jo

[Diane B.]

I have, but only short term (and years ago).

The DH and I are looking now for where we might want to move in the next 4-5 years, but can't really find anyplace we don't have some real problems with, so the whole thing can be sticky.

One thing you didn't mention, which may not be important to you (or the DH or kids) but which is a deal breaker for me, is the whole ambiance of my hometown. It's much less progressive than where I live now, and when I go back home now and have an opportunity to interact with the residents or even listen to the radio stations, local and state politicians, I just know that I can't do that. But then some kinds of "values" are just really important to me... they're who I am... so it would take a lot to go back even though there are a lot of things I love about it.

You mention moving from the Chicago area to Nebraska, so I think it's possible that you'll find quite different attitudes in many things, but don't know what your preferences are.

Having said that, support of friends, family, and job are incredibly important too, and if I had a situation I was really happy with, I wouldn't move unless I were pretty sure I could get approx. the same thing in the new area... because often that never happens. Sounds like you might have that though.

Hard decision!


Diane B.

[jmarie]

NO one knows what the future holds. You may get there and you hate it and he loves it.

How long have you been in/near Chicago....maybe it's fair play to move, since you have been near his family for awhile.

Instead of looking for any negatives that may or may not happen, I would anticipate the move with joy....the 4 B/R house with a yard may be the deal breaker here :D ....

Are you going with jobs or are you both going to have to look?

If you love each other, you'll make it happen!

Good luck and I wish you all the best!
Joyce

[cindy47031]

Hi! I spent the first 20 years of my life trying to get away from my hometown, and then the next 10 trying to get back.

Dh & I both grew up in the same small town, and both our families are there, so it's not exactly the same situation as yours. But it worked really well for us.

(As a side note, we did move home, built a house on his grandparents' family farm, lived there 2 years, and then a few months ago, he got an amazing job offer 5 hours away, so I'm back to trying to get back home.)

I'd say the only downside of moving back home was that we were so much busier, because instead of just the 2 of us, we now had family functions all the time (both have big close families.) We loved being close to the family, but we missed having time alone.

I hope whatever you decide that it works out well for you. There's no substitute for family. I'm not so busy now, but I'm definately lonelier.

Good luck to you!
Cindy

[MrsReber]

We just moved 7 hours away from both our families. We made the move for OUR family- me, DH, our 4 yo and 5 yo. It's been 2 weeks now and we are much happier. Much less stress with shorter commutes. No daycare for my son, my DD has full day kindergarten and loves the small town atmosphere- and we saved at least $23,000/year by making this move- no daycare costs or commuting costs (I'll be working from home as a contractor for my previous company), lower taxes, and lower auto insurance.

I think you have to write it all down- the pros and cons and figure out your bills (I had a spreadsheet showing the costs for our old home vs. our new). When I did that, the only con I could come up with was leaving my mom behind. I love her to death, but it just wasn't enough for me to continue to kill myself every week getting to work and rushing around- just to make ends meet (trust me, we were NOT getting ahead by any stretch of the imagination). We moved to a comparable house with a much bigger yard. My kids barely watch tv, they love to play outside until the sun sets- regardless of the weather! DD tells me all the time how much she loves her new school.

I was commuting 90 minutes each way (on a good day!) leaving the house at 5:00am before my kids were awake. Then I'd rush home to pick them up from daycare before 6:00, rush to make dinner and get everyone ready for the next day in addition to cleaning up. I had NO time for myself. I was stressed and not much fun to be around.

I will admit that I miss my mom, but we talk on the phone a lot and I believe she's coming here for Thanksgiving. I am much closer to my sister, who lives about 2 hours south of us (used to be an 8 hour drive).

By the way, it took us about 5 years to get our plan to work, but we're in great shape now financially and mentally! I agonized over this decision for a long time, but I knew in my heart it was the right one. I feel that we get one shot at life. I wanted to take the chance rather than look back years from now and regret not making a move.

Good luck with your decision!

[SDMomChef]

My DH & I moved from Denver, Colorado to our hometown in South Dakota about 3 years ago. We moved for similar reasons - both of our families are here, we wanted our kids to grow up closer to grandparents and cousins, we werre more comfortable with the schools and the smaller community, and the cost of living was significantly cheaper, not to mention the complete lack of a commute time.

We are very happy with our decision for those reasons. However, I was surprised at how difficult an adjustment it was for me to return here. I really missed Denver and the Rocky Mountains, more so than I had expected since, like you, we never really got to enjoy "grown up" things once we became parents of three little kids. We lived in Denver for about 12 years, and I made some very good friends and it was hard to leave them. In some ways, I felt like I left a part of me behind in Denver - the adult part of me.

Omaha is larger than where we moved to, so I don't know if you will experience this or not, but I really feel smothered by my childhood sometimes - people want to know where I went to high school (as if that matters! :eek: ) and I miss some of the cultural events of a larger city, and I really miss my adult friends - I find that I have less in common with my childhood friends now that we have moved back.

So, I would echo the sentiments of others to really outline why you are moving back and your expectations. It was the absolute right decision for our kids - just a much bigger adjustment for me than what I had ever expected.

[boisewinesnob]

Hi--Has anyone moved back to their hometown after being away for a while?

mary jo,
we just did this over the summer----had not lived in hometown for nearly 20 years. I still have very mixed feelings about it. My DH was overjoyed at the thought of moving back "home" but I was kind of "eh, whatever" about it. We are closer to family now, but really only associate with DH's parents. My best friend from HS still lives here and it has been great to get together with her! We only have 2 kids still at home and they really like their new schools, so that has been a relief.
I should mention that the last city we lived in (boise) was never really home to me. I miss a couple things about it, but in general was glad to leave. Before that we lived near seattle and like SDmomchef I felt like I left part of myself there when we moved to boise. I really feel like that is home to me. DH liked it OK there, but didn't love it the way I did.

For your situation I would say try it; you can always move away again if it doesn't work out! :)

good luck