Pregnant - how long before you tell people?

[beacooker]

OK, you guys are the first people I've told (other than DH) - but I'm pregnant! I'm only 4 weeks, so somehow I don't feel 'officially' pregnant yet. I keep thinking about how high the chance of miscarriage is, so I'm scared to start telling people. My husband really wants to start telling people this weekend (we're having a family party this weekend, so it would be a really neat time to make the announcement), but I couldn't even get an appt with my Dr for another 2 weeks. I'm not sure I feel comfortable making the announcement before I've seen a doctor. What do you guys think?

[funnybone]

We waited about 3 months for both. Not because we are superstitious or anything, but we figured that was a good time.

[KValley]

beacooker-

congratulations!!! I'm so excited for you! I don't have an answer because pregnancy is still out there, but on the horizon for DH and me.
I just don't know if I could wait three months, especially considering that DH is an only child and MIL/FIL have been waiting for YEARS for us to get pregnant. Then again, I think it's something I'd just want to keep between us for awhile, as we got used to the idea and planned for the coming months.

Keep us posted and let us know what you decide to do about this weekend. Julie

[mightyh]

It's really up to you and how you feel about certain situations... I know your family and friends would be thrilled to hear the news!!

I waited till I was through my first trimester just cause I KNEW I would never want to miscarry and then have to talk about it with folks and the risk is much smaller at that point.

I think I'll probably wait out the first trimester again with my next baby (even though I feel much more secure having gone through it once already) cause it's nice to have all the attention in 6ish months... By the end you are so ready to be done with people talking about you and giving advice that I am not sure I could have taken the additional three months.

A middlin option is just to tell your parents and maybe siblings and swear them to secrecy... Yeah--maybe I'll do that next time. Just tell my mom so I have someone to talk to about it when I need advice.

Congratulations on your great news!

[BlueMoose]

Congratulations!
It's such a personal decision when to tell everyone. I always had to tell my mom & dad right away, but we waited to tell others until a few weeks or so later. I know how hard it is to wait! I have been pregnant 3 times and have 2 children...you can do the math. The thing is, even if things didn't work out, you would still probably want your family members to know about the pregnancy. But I'm sure everything will be fine! http://www.cookinglight.com/bbs/smile.gif It won't be long before you are feeling pregnant! Here is some early unsolicited advice...sniff fresh cut lemons for nausea and take lots of naps!

[mb]

congratulations!!!

i agree with you - i don't think i'd feel comfortable making the announcement before i'd even seen a doctor. even after the doctor told us the test was positive, we kept it a secret. we found out on oct 13, and waited until nov 23 (thanksgiving) to share the good news. at that point, i was 11 weeks along, and we had an ultrasound to hear the heartbeat, etc. so we knew things looked pretty good.

i agree with mightyh: i wouldn't want to miscarry and then have to tell everyone about that. some people might enjoy the extra support, but i am more of a private person... plus, with the way our families are, we really had to wait until it was ok to tell EVERYONE before we told anyone. (i couldn't just tell my mom, for example, since then the whole world would know!)

so we just kept it to ourselves and enjoyed our little secret, because we knew that would be the only time that just the two of us could enjoy the idea of a baby without anyone else butting in!!

good luck with whatever you decide. it really is a personal decision... congratulations again! you can now join the 'pregnant susan' club! (even though i'm guessing your name isn't susan... http://www.cookinglight.com/bbs/wink.gif )

Marisa http://www.cookinglight.com/bbs/smile.gif

p.s. i think i said something on the bulletin board before telling family, also. i know that sounds kinda silly, but when you are in your first trimester and you need support (and no one knows you're pregnant), this can be a really great place to talk!

[KristaMB]

Congratulations! What great news!

I ended up telling people at about 6 weeks, because I wanted to tell my family in person, and we were home for the holidays. Plus, DH and I were so excited, and didn't think that we could keep it a secret for a week while we stayed with them. http://www.cookinglight.com/bbs/smile.gif We would've had to wait a lot longer to do it in person otherwise, since we don't live close to each other.

When we sprung the news, I had gone to my regular doctor for the blood test, but hadn't had the first ultrasound at the OB/GYN yet. (My first ultrasound was at 9 weeks.)

I can understand your hesitation in not wanting to tell people. I didn't really believe it until I had the first ultrasound and saw the little "bean." I was thinking that maybe there was some mistake, or that something would happen, and I didn't know how I'd explain a miscarriage, etc.

Good luck with your decision!

Marisa, I had already figured this out from other posts, but I can tell that you are a lot more disciplined than I am. http://www.cookinglight.com/bbs/biggrin.gif I'd never be able to wait three months! I'm too much of a big mouth!

~Krista

[mlou]

Congratulations!!!! I was never aware of the real numbers on miscarriage but I guess it is 2 out of three, not to scare you but I think most people wait till the first trimester is passed. I just had a friend who made the announcement and then lost the baby, then had to deal with all the how's it going questions as stated above. I think I would wait a little bit. I hope all goes well for you!! http://www.cookinglight.com/bbs/smile.gif

[BosunsWife]

Like others have said, its a personal decision. Our parents waited in vain for us to have children and had actually given up on us. We surprised them totally when we told them we were going to try right around the time I turned 36. In hindsite, I wished we had kept everything a secret until I was about 3 months along. My MIL kept asking me every month "well, are you pregnant yet"? I started to get rather annoyed with her. It only took us three months, I guess we were really lucky. Especially since my husband was stationed on a ship that was gone a few days out of every week! We told our parents when I was about two months along. I wished we had waited longer so that we could have kept our happy news to ourselves for a little bit.

I ditto everything said about the miscarriages. I had to have an amnio when I was around 5 months and the hardest thing was the cramping afterwards - I was totally convinced I was having miscarriage. Turns out it was just normal, but scared the sh#% out of me.

[kwormann]

Its a personal decision, but I dont think I could KEEP a secret like that! My friend at work told us on Monday after she found out on Saturday, but she didnt tell many other teachers or the students until 3 months along

Kim

[MrsReber]

We waited until 3 months. Or at least, I did. My husband wanted to tell everyone when I was only about 3 weeks along! I told him not to, due to the risk of miscarriage. It's our first baby and you just don't know how your body will react. It's very awkward if you tell everyone and then something happens.

Here's another thought- my husband has a big family and it was better telling everyone on Thanksgiving, all at once, when we only had 6 more months to go. I know they all mean well, but with raging hormones, family is bound to make you crazy. They all want to be involved and they will all have advice for you (to be taken with a grain of salt). They only want the best for you, but sometimes you'll just want to be left alone.

I only told my best friend at first and that was because she asked. She knew that we decided to begin trying. I told my sister at about 10 weeks because she was coming to visit and I wanted her to bring me maternity clothes!

Congratulations and do what you feel is best. I know how exciting it is and how weird it all seems- it's like you just want to tell everyone that you meet on the street!

[beacooker]

Wow, I'm impressed with how many people are 'disciplined' as Krista put it, and can wait the whole three months. I think I don't have that much discipline. I'm thinking I'm going to do what several of you suggested, and only tell our parents for right now. I'm too excited not to tell somebody, and I really could use some motherly advice. Plus, like BlueMoose said, even if I did miscarry, I would want our parents to know.

You know, I must be totally demented or something, but I am actually hoping for morning sickness, just so it starts to feel real to me!!

Thanks for the advice, its helped a lot!

A pregnant(Sus)Anne

[MrsReber]

One more thought- my husband and I really liked having our little secret all to ourselves for the first few months. It was actually kind of fun and intimate, if that makes sense.

I know exactly what you mean. I did not "feel" pregnant until I was about 5 months along. By then, your stomach starts to stick out a little (although you'll think that everyone just thinks you're fat!). It wasn't until 6 or 7 months that people would actually ask when I was due. My husband still tells people "she's not really that fat, she's pregnant". He means it in a joking manner. He always tells the waitress when we go out to eat, lest she thinks I'm eating too much food!

Enjoy being pregnant! It is a miracle in the making. I have my aches and pains, but overall, I would not trade it for anything. Wait until you feel that baby move and see it at your sonogram. It's amazing!

[Tiger]

I was nine weeks pregnant before I found out. (Shock, told never would get pregnant) I tried to wait out the next 3wks but it was hard. Everyone kept asking how the adoption process was going.
The only problem with telling early on is everyone feels like your pregnancy is soooo long. By the end they're be saying to you, Didn't you have that baby yet?

[Mbart]

Just thought I'd throw in another angle...it can sometimes be tricky to hide, especially if people you work with or whatever know you're thinking of starting a family. My boss figured out I was pregnant because we were on a business trip together, took some clients out to eat, and I passed on wine/alcoholic beverages. Also, my circle of friends were all starting families at the same time, so we always suspected when people were pregnant based on their choice of beverage at parties. This grew to outlandish schemes to hide it, such as taking a beer can, secretly dumping out the contents and filling with water, etc. Ridiculous I know, but some people just weren't ready to divulge!

Congratulations on your exciting news! Children are such an unbelievable gift...my 8 year old just came down from her bedroom with a vase of flowers for me...just because! You're life will soon change forever!

[foodiedelite]

Congratulations! With the pregnancy of my daughter, we waited several weeks and then told our parents. For all the reasons mentioned, I was very anxious in announcing my pregnancy at work. I kept putting it off, and finally in the second trimester a pink and blue floral bouquet arrived from my husband. Naturally everyone wanted to know who the flowers were from and what was the occasion.

[toothmom]

Congratulations!!! If I could take my own advice, I would wait for 3 months, BUT we were so excited we told people pretty much as soon as we found out. What an exciting time in your life and it is so hard to keep it in. What I would recommend doing, we did this for our second one, is to tell people that the date is 2 weeks after it really is. That way you don't get bombarded by hundreds of calls every day of your 40th week. Because, as that special day comes and goes it makes it harder to be patient to wait to meet this little person and to keep telling people that you haven't had the baby yet.

[Kristilyn1]

I'm a big blabbermouth, so I told everyone I knew--the day I found out with each pregnancy. It would have been pretty hard to hide it much longer as I had terrible morning sickness starting at 8 weeks until 16 weeks (threw up EVERY day at work) and it was nice to have the support, plus it made my boss not wonder why I was so completely useless for weeks on end.

It's probably not a bad thing to wait--if you can! My doctor does not do routine ultrasound so it's not like I had that confirmation to look forward to--my upset stomach told me everything I needed to know.

Good luck with whatever you decide!

Kristi

[Meg O'C]

This is a good topic! My sister and I talk about this all the time as she has just started to try and my husband and I have decided to wait 6-12 months (we're both anxious but we've got so much going on in the next four months - move, new jobs, etc.)

Anyway, both my parents and my in-laws have a proven track record of not being able to keep secrets at all. Also I have rather authoritative sisters-in-law so I know they'll be telling me exactly how I should be feeling at every moment once they know. Finally, I've had several friends tell lots of people early on and then miscarry. I know my husband will want to tell people immediately but I like the idea of keeping it our little secret for a while (for many reasons). I'm sure I'll tell my sister because we tell each other everything but other than that I'll probably wait until 12 weeks. If I were to miscarry and people didn't know I was even pregnant, I would tell those who needed to know and whose support I would want.

Of course, when faced with the real situation, who knows what I will do!

It's great to hear everyone's thoughts and stories on the topic!