Strategies for dealing with difficult people...

[buffygirl]

I generally have very good people skills. Within my company I am known for dealing with people and policies in a democratic and diplomatic way.

There is one woman in our company who about every 3 months explodes. These explosions consist of being rude to people, sending emails bashing people/policies, arguing via email, sending hysterical voice mails and just generally picking at people. Although probably 25% of her picking and criticizing is justified, her methods do not jibe with our company values (providing a motivational environment for our people to grow).

So basically every 3 months she makes my life miserable. About half of the staff in our company report to me so most of her complaints are levied at me and my staff. I'm very open to correcting, coaching and disciplining where needed, but she constantly challenges me. She just looks for an arguement.

I'm not an arguer by nature and always think of snappy comebacks way too late. These arguements also cause me quite a bit stress. I much prefer a harmonious environment. I tend to let this stuff just really get at me.

I actually used to be quite good friends with this woman (I used to be her client), but for me our friendship has lost importance over the last few years because I really get tired of these every 3 month blow ups.

What can I do? Get a thicker skin? Just let it roll off my back? I'm not good at that, but if anyone has methods for learning, I'm very open to listen! :)

Thanks
Kim

[Robyn1007]

Yikes! That doesn't sound like fun at all. I don't have specific advise other than to say I definitely don't think it's a matter of you getting a thicker skin. If she is doing this to your reports then you risk the loss of good employees who can't deal with her outbursts. Does she directly report to you? If not, can you have a conversation with her boss regarding your concerns? Also, I would make sure that your reports feel comfortable with coming to you to deal with any of her messages, emails etc.

Good luck!
Robyn

[blazedog]

Much depends on where in the corporate hierarchy each of you are.

Since her outbursts can have a deletorious impact on your staff, it is appropriate to sit down and have a talk with her in terms of how criticism should be handled -- i.e. any criticism of staff reporting to you should be dealt with privately between you and she -- I would not have an angry confrontation with her but just set up a meeting and explain that it is necessary for you to maintain appropriate controls over your reports blah blah blah. A good manager tried to protect his/her staff from this kind of thing while at the same time being alert to issues and open to constructive criticism.

As for attacks on you, generally the best thing is to let them wash over you unless they can impact your career path -- i.e. is someone else being privy to all this criticism and taking it more seriously?

Since you say that 25% of her criticisms have merit, in your face to face, you should address her concerns by asking input on how corporate customer service to her can be improved.

[aggie94]

Have you considered whether she might have a mental illness or other health condition that should be addressed by HR? I only ask because just yesterday I had to mediate a case where the former employee of our client had brought an ADA reasonable accommodation charge against our employer, who discharged him because he was so combative and argumentative with his coworkers, but unbeknownst to our client, he suffers from bipolar disorder. At the time, the client thought it was perfectly justified in terminating someone who couldn't get along with his peers, but later found itself in a situation having to defend against a discrimination claim, all of which might have been avoided by a good HR manager following up on workplace conflict issues.

[ClaraB]

I second aggie's suggestion - when I read your post, my first thought was, "I wonder if she's manic-depressive?"

I don't have any other good ideas, just sympathy - it's no fun dealing with people like that :( .

[buffygirl]

You all have brought up some great points.

Robyn, we are a small company, about 35 office staff. She does not report to me, but to our owner who I also report to. He knows that she is a PITA, but he is a person who hates confrontation and has a strong need to be liked. Therefore when he is dealing with difficult situations, he tends to smooth over them. In the few times I felt he was trying to give me constructive feedback I really had to drag it out of him. In other words, he does not like dealing with this stuff either.

Blazedog, no danger of me having an angry confrontation. I just don't have it in my, unless it is with my DH :p Seriously, I am good at being diplomatic yet strong. Normally our boss pulls her aside and tells her to tone it down, but again, he has a hard time being strong about it.

Eva, you actually hit the nail on the head I believe. She does have some anxiety/depression issues that she struggles with and she has commented that she is off her meds now.

I just hate that she causes such strife amongst our employees. We've lost several admins over the last few years (who didn't report to me) because of her directly. I am very protective of my staff, but sometimes it gets to the point where I want to run and hide as well.

I think I will schedule a time to talk with her. Surely she does not realize what strife she causes or she wouldn't do it.

[blazedog]

Since your boss is aware of the problem and has tried (albeit somewhat unsuccessfully) to get her to change, perhaps it would be helpful if you met with him before and agreed upon a meeting with her and exactly what should be said and the end result.

I really have very little patience for people who feel that their emotional issues are an excuse for bad behavior in the workplace. If she is incapable of conforming to acceptable corporate business behavior, then your boss needs to treat it as any other work related issue -- yes I have read the previous posts regarding ADA issues but there are still valid ways to get rid of people who are disruptive in the work place -- especially as here where you have past conduct that is demoralizing and causing valuable employees to leave.

I would think that if the boss laid down acceptable practices, it would be no different than any other work place rules and structures which people are expected to adhere to -- paper her file and then give her 6 months to get with the program. And what I mean by acceptable is a clear manner in which she communicates with those who are her not direct reports -- if her direct reports are an issue as well, then she needs to be instructed as to what is appropriate -- it appears from your last response that you think she may be clueless as to what her impact her behavior causes -- if so, perhaps a seminar in being a "boss" might be helpful.

One employee should not be permitted to hold the rest of the company as emotional hostages.

[Kay Henderson]

Document, document, document.

Kay

[Meganator]

I really have very little patience for people who feel that their emotional issues are an excuse for bad behavior in the workplace. If she is incapable of conforming to acceptable corporate business behavior, then your boss needs to treat it as any other work related issue -- yes I have read the previous posts regarding ADA issues but there are still valid ways to get rid of people who are disruptive in the work place -- especially as here where you have past conduct that is demoralizing and causing valuable employees to leave.


I not an attorney, but I am an employer...it seems that if there is a problem for which employer has to make a reasonable accommodation, shouldn't there also be a responsibility on the part of that employee to attempt to deal with her problem - i.e. stay on applicable meds? The employer shouldn't have to accommodate someone who is intentionally exhibiting bad behavior (by intentional, I mean intentionally not taking the meds when she knows they help her behavior).

More to the original post, although you and your owner are both non-confrontational types, it's got to be driving the other employees up the wall. Finding some type of solution to this ongoing problem will certainly gain you/owner back some respect from the rest of the people.

This sounds like a terrible situation, at least periodically...I can honestly say that dealing with negative personnel problems is the absolute worst part of my job, so I feel for you and I hope you can find a solution.

Megan

[buffygirl]

To clarify, although I'm a non-confrontational person by nature, because of my position, I have to confront "issues" invlolving performance and behavior quite often. I don't include my boss in those meetings because a) I'm pretty good at handling them if I do say so myself and b) he tends to water down the message to make it more palatable IMHO and sometimes the point is missed.

We have definitely had a number of discussions with her before (probably 3-4 times per year), it is just time again. Blah! It is not likely she is going anywhere, she is our top sales person by far. We did get rid of our top sales person 2 years ago because of personality and inability to get along with others. It's not likely that we will repeat that and stay in business.

[blazedog]

Ah well say no more in terms of it being a sales person :D Most organizations put up with a lot as long as they produce -- at least that's been my experience.

Many of them seem to have over the top personalities -- as well as feeling that others in the company exist to thwart their ability to make sales and get commissions. Therefore any frustration they experience they feel free to vent on the hapless person in the corporate organization who has to deal with them at that moment.

One of the VP Sales had to be bailed out of jail by me because his overly aggressive manner didn't go over well with the trooper who had pulled him over for an overly tinted windshield -- a company will put up with a lot as long as the person is making money for them -- at least in my experience.

[mayre]

Are her blowups a compilation of activities over a period of months? If it's a buildup, you may be able to manage her behavior with some scheduled meetings. Try running this by HR. Next time she blows up, explain the negative effect her disruption has on the office environment, and let her know that her behavior and employment cannot continue to coexist. Advise that you wish to sit down regularly and go over any work related concerns she has before they get out of control, try to focus on your willingness to work with her and she may appreciate it, or just resent your efforts entirely. This sounds a lot like babysitting...but I have seen it applied. As was mentioned before document, document, document. She will eventually have to stop, quit or leave.

[mbrogier]

Her behavior sounds very cyclical to me. She takes her meds, feels terrific, and decides she doesn't need them. Then she goes through the behavior you're concerned with, it gets bad enough, and she starts the meds again.

I'm pretty sure from what I've discussed with HR and attorneys that you can NOT tell her how to manage her care. (I'm sure Eva can say whether I'm correct in this.) I'm not sure how you could address the fact that she needs to stay under the care of healthcare providers for her condition. This area is pretty dicey. (We went through this with Rob and his last position because of the care he needed for his nerve damage. His superior did some things he wasn't supposed to do.)

If the employee is a good as you say she is, then it might be worth having meetings with her maybe once a month and see if you can head this off.

[aggie94]

it seems that if there is a problem for which employer has to make a reasonable accommodation, shouldn't there also be a responsibility on the part of that employee to attempt to deal with her problem - i.e. stay on applicable meds? The employer shouldn't have to accommodate someone who is intentionally exhibiting bad behavior (by intentional, I mean intentionally not taking the meds when she knows they help her behavior).

To sort of address this as well as Micah's comment, you would think so, but it really depends. In a situation where a person has a mental illness and a symptom of the illness itself is an inability to consistently take medication to control other symptoms (such as erratic behavior), then the whole package needs to be addressed as far as whether there is a reasonable accommodation that can be made. Generally speaking, an employer is going to have a defense to terminating any employee (whether disabled or not) who engages in inappropriate workplace conduct and causes disruption to the workplace that interferes with legitimate business operations. The question is, how to terminate the employee without having to pay legal fees to defend a charge or claim of discrimination. That's the dicier issue, and as others have stated, the more you can do to document the CONSEQUENCES of her behavior, rather than focusing on the behavior itself, the better position the employer will be in in the long run if litigation ensues.

[buffygirl]

Her behavior is not a compilation, but more cyclical. Kinda like mbroiger suggested. An example would be: "M is supposed to send me an email every time something comes in damaged to the warehouse. She never does. She does not inform me ever." I go do the research and find out in fact that M did not send the email this one time she is talking about, but I have documentation that M has sent said email each and every other incident damage occurred for the last 6 months. Never mind the fact that it takes me several hours to research the incident, M is now onto the fact that the woman is criticizing her and it stirs her up as well. I spent several hours researching something this morning that she accused someone of only to find out that *she* was the one who was wrong and did not follow our established process.

It is all frustrating. I'm responsible for making our business profitable and I really don't have time to babysit. I just think it sucks that because someone can't control their own behavior/emotions, others suffer in many different ways.

I have to deal with another employee issue tomorrow so I'll deal with her as well while I'm on a roll. :mad: