Ok Dating Divas...Seeking Honest Opinions on Eharmony

[Wendy w]

It has been awhile since we have had a dating thread so I thought I'd initiate one. For most of this year, I have taken time off from dating as I have not encountered any interesting dateable men and have just been into friends and hobbies.

Every so often, because I am healthy and red-blooded, I put my toe into the dating pool but alas, it comes up with algae or sludge. I am at a good place in my life and it would be nice to share it with someone, I don't necessarily need to marry.

I took the eharmony personality test ages ago and they have been sending me the 3 months for the price of 1 offers. The other day, I decided to try it, but I'm considering cancelling after the 7 day free trial period. For the most part, I'm finding that it is a mixed bag and I don't know if I want to spend the time doing this. I'm not 12 anymore, but I'm a fairly youthful 47 and a lot of these guys just seem a bit too "geezeresque" for my taste. I like the idea that it is much more discriminating than match or yahoo because you are made to look inside yourself and the price scares off those who only want one night stands.

I was not going to say anything, but as always, you all are colletively very wise and honest. Opinions on eharmony, please. Thanks!

[Dahlia]

I personally know of 2 happily married couples who met on eHarmony. I also personally know of someone who lost his girlfriend to a guy she met on eHarmony. 'Nuff said...

ETA: I just noticed your "geezer" line and just wanted to add that two of the three couples that I was talking about are in their mid-thirties. The third couple is in their early forties.

[funniegrrl]

I don't have time to write a lot, but ...

I know of someone who is in a serious relationship as a result of eharmony.

I signed up for it and paid for a stint, and got few matches and no nibbles. But, I am notoriously hard to "match" because my personality type is rare for females. Not that I'm masculine, but just not considered a good match for the type that most men are.

I say it's worth a try for a brief membership if you can spare the $$$, but don't pin too many hopes on it.

[funnybone]

No personal experience, but a coach at DS's High School won Couple of the Year. I found the story online - it was in the local paper a few months ago. Now that's a successful story, I think. :) What have you got to lose - go for it.

http://www.suburbanchicagonews.com/stcharlessun/lifestyles/80626,2_6_2_CH04_EHARMONY_S1.article

Lovebirds of the year
Chip meets Rachel on eHarmony; the rest reads like movie script

October 4, 2006
By MIKE MITCHELL staff writer

Meg Ryan and Tom Hanks need to take notes.
It's the best romantic comedy that the two never made: A football coach's mother talks with a friend at church and discusses her son's unsuccessful attempts at finding a mate. The mother hears of how this online dating service has changed some people's lives. So, like any mother would, she insists that her son try it.

"When she told me, I was like, 'You've got to be kidding me,'" said Chip McPheeters, whose parents live in Naperville. "Basically, I did it so I didn't have to hear from my mother anymore about eHarmony.com -- but I did want to meet someone."

And not far away, a woman's father was searching for suitors for his daughter.

"I was living with my parents at the time, and my dad came home once and said to me, 'Rachel, I'm taking control of your love life,'" said Rachel Keene, 26, of East Dundee. "He told me that I needed to sign up for eHarmony. He told me that if I was going to choose from the lottery of life, I might as well choose someone who matches what I'm looking for."
That was nearly three years ago, and now the two are married and living in bliss. Earlier this month eHarmony.com, an online dating service, named Chip and Rachel its 2006 Couple of the Year.

The two won a 7-day cruise on the Mexican Riviera after Rachel submitted a letter telling the service of how the two became a couple.

Lou Casale, spokesman for eHarmony, said, "We receive a lot of stories. But Chip and Rachel's story represents their love for each other so deeply."

Casale said more than 90 couples are married each day as a result of being matched on eHarmony, according to a Harris Interactive study last year.

"We actually fell in love before we ever met," said Rachel, a teacher at Genoa-Kingston High School. "We were e-mailing each other for weeks before we ever spoke. I considered his e-mails to be like love letters. There was so much chemistry."

Chip, 31, a former star football player at Waubonsie Valley High School and offensive line coach for St. Charles North High School, was about to throw in the towel on the dating scene. As he neared 30, he was growing discouraged after a few bad relationships.

"I was looking for someone to spend the rest of my life with," Chip said. "So when I put this profile together on eHarmony -- something like 500 questions -- I thought that whoever matched up with me was going to be perfect."

The couple, who now live in DeKalb, finally decided to meet at Key Wester on Route 59 in Naperville. Rachel decided to wait in her car so she could see Chip go into the restaurant first.

"When I walked in, I didn't see him," she said. "So I asked one of the people working there if they'd seen a big guy and ..."

"I walked out of the bathroom," Chip said. "And she was just gorgeous standing there."

Rachel said she knew within seconds they were perfect for each other.

"Something just clicked," Chip said.

Months later the two decided to go to a St. Charles North basketball game. At halftime, six offensive lineman took center court.

In unison, the players screamed out to Rachel to get her attention. They then opened their jackets, which had printed letters on their shirts that spelled out, "Will you marry our coach?"

The gym erupted, and Chip turned and put a ring on her finger.

"It was like a movie," said Chip's mom, Christy McPheeters.

[trish_ks]

I haven't used it personally, but I have a good friend who has been on eHarmony for a few months now and has met a few guys, one she really enjoyed hanging out with. I know she enjoys it and is always giving us updates about her "boys"...she does juggle a few. I like the idea that you can put your values right out there at the beginning so you know right away whether you align with the other person. For example, my friend is looking for a Christian guy who will respect the fact that she wants to wait till after marraige, etc. In a normal situation if you tell someone that too early they'll pretty much run for the hills, but with eHarmony you can be really up front and weed out the bag matches pretty easily.
I say give it a shot, at least for the 3 months and see what happens.

[Robyn1007]

Well, I've done eHarmony and Match.com. I have things I like about both but never went on any dates from eHarmony. I dated a couple of guys that I met on Match and still keep in touch with one as friends. I would do it again but I just don't feel like spending the money on that right now. I recently met someone interesting but feel like that may be a no go for various reasons so I understand where you are coming from. I love the algae and sludge metaphor! I do know one couple that met and married from eHarmony.

[daisylover]

I have a friend who uses eharmony. He has gone on quite a few dates, but none of them has resulted in a long-term relationship. He's enjoyed the dates he goes on, but he says that he has two things that he finds out before dating them. He has a dog and doesn't want to date someone who doesn't like pets. He also wants to date someone who eventually wants children. While this is in his profile, he reiterates this in emails before dating the person and says it has worked. He's in his early 40's, and I think one of the reasons that he has difficulty finding that "perfect" match is that he's extremely active. He runs marathons around the world and really wants someone who can appreciate his fitness level. That being said, he says he dates more now and enjoys the people he's met. I think he's just anxious to have a serious relationship.

After listening to him talk about the process and his dates, I think one of the hurdles is how settled we all become after living alone for a while. He got serious with one woman recently, but they just couldn't agree on how to proceed. He owns his home, and she wasn't interested in moving from her neighborhood. He has plans for his property, and wasn't interested in selling. I suppose you could say they just weren't interested in each other enough, but I do think it gets harder the longer you've lived alone. I'm getting married this summer, and my fiance and I will be 36. I'd say the biggest struggle for us has been learning to mesh our lives and lean on each other.

[slknight]

My sister met her husband on eHarmony and moved across the country to Seattle to live with him. I've met him several times and have always thought he was great, but DH hadn't met him. After my sister's rehearsal dinner, we got in the car and I couldn't wait to hear DH's opinion. He turned to me and said "Wow! Paul's a great guy."

They were both late 30s/early 40s when they met.

[Gracie]

I put my toe into the dating pool but alas, it comes up with algae or sludge.

:D :D :D :D :D

Wendy this really made my day!

I have not used it nor do I know anyone who has, but I would imagine that using the service would mimic meeting someone the old-fashioned way in the sense that you will meet more people that you don't hit it off with that you do.

I really like the idea that you put all your core values right up front for everyone to decide upon before you even get together. I wish there had been online dating services when I was single - it would have saved me meeting so many toads! :)

Just enjoy it for the 3 months then decide - you never know!

Loren

[RD chef]

Met DF on eharmony over a year ago. We are getting married in May. After a couple of weeks of dating we felt we had known each other for years. We think it was the result of the screening and personality matching that eharmony does. Anyway, I'm a fan! :)

[KristiB]

Remember when there was a huge stigma with online dating? Now most of my single friends do it.

I don't know anyone who's had luck with E-Harmony but my best friend just met the man of her dreams on Perfect Match.

[mbrogier]

Wendy, you could always try http://www.sugardaddie.com :D

I know people that met mates online, but it was through local dating boards.

[tbb113]

The people that I know that have used eHarmony have been disappointed. The usually aren't getting 'local' people and since they are divorced with kids, moving isn't an option for them.

I've considered it...but at this point I don't have the time or energy to persue it (or anything). Shame UPS doesn't deliver men to my door ;)

[saserre]

Like trish_ks, my best friend is on eharmony and enjoys it. She's met a handful of guys on there that she chats with. Some are a little ways away, but that doesn't bother her. She said the matches are better than on Match.com (which I was on back in the day, yuck). The guys seem to fit what she wants better because she could define more options.

Crossing fingers that the latest guy is The One, since during their first phone conversation they talked about toilet paper. Friends and I have quirky sense of humor, so that's right up our alley. Anyone your comfortable enough to do that with has to be a winner.

[Wendy w]

I've considered it...but at this point I don't have the time or energy to persue it (or anything). Shame UPS doesn't deliver men to my door ;)

LOL! That is a shame that they don't. Years ago, I had a male co-worker tell me that I will not meet men in my kitchen. Micah, you kill me. That website is funny. :D Susan, I remember your sister's situation very well.

I think I'll postpone my decision until Monday and see what the weekend brings with communications, matches, etc. I have one communication going right now and he seems quite articulate.

I've had a few (no loss as they didn't impress me either) immediately close off communication and I have a couple of gripes about how the site handles that issue.

The closer can give one of several reasons for closing, one of them was based on the profile information, I do not wish to meet this person (kind of rude on one level, on the other hand, brutally honest), a couple were too far away, and "other".

They give you the option of sending a final message back to them, but I don't like the options of oh shucks, I thought we'd be a good match; if only you would take the time, you may like me; and good luck with your search. Because these lines are lame, I choose to say nothing. I do wish that they would at least give you an option of agreeing with them. What I would really like is to be able to say you're not all that and a bag of chips either big boy. In a nutshell, I'm not fond of being pigeon-holed into canned answers. On one hand, this may not be for me, on the other, it may be an adventure and 3 months for the price of 1 is a good deal. It's much much better than match.

Thanks ladies, I knew that you would come through.

[funniegrrl]

A couple of additional points ...

You CAN restrict your matches to only local people.

I don't like the canned answers either (Perfect Match has an "Ice Breaker" you can send someone which is a multiple-choice quiz ... my answer to most of them is "Well, it depends." But I digress.) If you are paying for any of these services, you don't have to use the canned responses, you can send them a message and say whatever you like.

[Wendy w]

A couple of additional points ...

You CAN restrict your matches to only local people.

I don't like the canned answers either (Perfect Match has an "Ice Breaker" you can send someone which is a multiple-choice quiz ... my answer to most of them is "Well, it depends." But I digress.) If you are paying for any of these services, you don't have to use the canned responses, you can send them a message and say whatever you like.

I have been restricting to local people, but a few g u's happen to slip in. If you wish to initiate contact, you have the option of selecting questions or doing a "fast track" kind of thing where you can say what you want. My gripe is that the replies to those who close you down are quite lame and they need an option for your own words, or at least letting you express the fact that you don't find them as a match either.

[MKSquared]

I tried e-harmony. I did the 500-question thing and eagerly awaited my results. EHarmony told me I had one perfect soul mate. In Tanzania. :eek:

[tbb113]

I tried e-harmony. I did the 500-question thing and eagerly awaited my results. EHarmony told me I had one perfect soul mate. In Tanzania. :eek:


So....are you dating him? ;) :D

[MKSquared]

So....are you dating him? ;) :D

Nah. The guy from England was closer. :D

[SaucyChef]

Just wanted to pipe up with another success story for online dating. I met DBF on American Singles.com when I was a senior in college (and sick of meeting guys in the bar... :rolleyes: ). We've been together for 3 1/2 years, living together for 2 1/2, and are buying our first house in a few months! :-D

I received a lot of flack from my friends when we first started dating, but now no one even seems to remember that's how we met. I think it's a lot more "accepted" now than it used to be. Go for it! You never know...

[Terri_A]

Am I the lone dissenter???? I have tried Match.com and eHarmony. I have had horrendous experiences...from one guy being engaged! to one being just plain psycho! to another who was also seeing a friend of mine and telling us both opposite things about himself!

I have heard the great stories and it is nice when it works out, but I think it's just like meeting men any other way - sometimes you have to kiss a lot of frogs to find a prince!

[Lauren]

I've heard good and bad things about online dating services. However, one of my friends did meet her husband through match.com. I met DH through an old fashioned video dating service, in 1985 before we ever knew what an internet was! We've been married for 18 years. :p

[nancymaring]

Wendy W....I have tried Perfectmatch, Yahoo, and eHarmony. Of the three, I like eHarmony best.

Like Funnigirl, I am very difficult to match. No problem, I know that about myself and I'm comfortable with it. I often joke with the men that do match me how lucky they are, not just ANYONE gets a chance with me!

I originally signed up for just a few months. It extended into a 1 year membership. During that time, I have been matched with 145 guys!!! Of those, I have got to open communication with about 10...and actually dated just a handful. (but the one I'm seeing now is a keeper!!!)
Either I closed them for various reasons, or they closed me...no big deal...if they see something in my profile they don't like, then let's not waste each others time...just move on to the next person.

You can alter your age request if you think you are getting men that are older then you prefer. You can also alter your distance request, as you probably know.
At various times,I have requested from near my area, to the whole United States, and just for fun, the entire WORLD!!!! Really had to laugh...NO ONE on the other side of the world is suitable for me!, ..I only got matches in the U.S. (see, I TOLD you I was hard to match!) But I'm not offended by that...just take it in stride and laugh it off...for heavens sake, it's not the end of the world.

I agree, and have mentioned to eHarmony that I wish I could insert a personal message when 'closed'...you might also mention this to them. The one reason I get closed most often is that I live a distance from where I work. So they see that, and think I'm to far away to date, when in fact, I work close to where many of them live. Just to be able to say.."Thanks for your consideration...I do work just 10 minutes from you, if you would like to reconsider) I would ALWAYS be polite, and never give snide answers. That is uncalled for. And I think that is what eHarmony is trying to avoid by allowing just a few pat answers to begin with.
In fact, when I'm closed, I Always say, "good luck with your search", I just think it's polite" (and I always laugh when I get closed with something like "other"...again, no big deal, I don't take it personally)

Something to remember about being closed. Since I wasn't getting many matches, I thought that was how everyone was. I was surprised when men would tell me they had so many matches they couldn't keep up...15 to 30 a day! With that many, they are just weeding out the most obvious ones...we would do the same thing.

My suggestion to you would be jump in the deep end...sign up for the entire year...open up to the entire world...have fun with it....enjoy...don't worry...yes, there will probably be a few toads...there would be with any dating method...but there might be the man of your dreams too!

If I had stopped early, I wouldn't have met my current man. He lives 3 hours from me, and our paths never would have crossed. Instead, I am blessed with a man that has so many of the qualities that I need in a person....it may last just another moment, it may last a life time...but either way, I will be a better person for having had him in my life.

Cheers...nancy
Oh, by the way...I'm 50!

[Wendy w]

Nancy, I thank you for your lovely post and spirit, and everyone for your input. You rock! I will just have to get over myself and keep up the 3 months after all. The ages that I have selected are from 43 to 55, although they suggested going up to 63. I have a feeling that being in my late 40's having never married and no children, I am probably difficult to match as well. I opened up to a few more other closures this morning and did a couple myself. One was for an incredibly shallow reason....white socks with sandals. :o

I am quite aware that one can give input about the closure message. I let them know this the other day and they never responded. They should at least give you an option of agreeing with them. I'm still waffling about this, but as Terri said, you need to get out there.

[Terri_A]

Okay - after rereading this thread about 10 times, I've decided to jump into the deep end of the pool again. I have been sooooo hesitant to date. A lot of it has to do with being a mom to a 4 1/2 yo and a lot of it has to do with being overweight and not liking my body. I think that reflects in your personality. However, I've started losing weight, I shouldn't care what others think and I really need to "get back out there". And since the bar scene isn't my thing - I'm going to do eHarmony again. I'll keep you guys posted....I just re-registered and there are currently no new matches for me....imagine that! =)

[HejazSunKat]

Wendy, you could always try http://www.sugardaddie.com :D



OMG, that's hysterical. :D Why didn't they have that when I was single?

[mackandme]

I did eHarmony a few years ago and really didn't like it. I didn't like that they decided who you would be compatible with. I am NOT compatible with the guys they sent me. Not a single one of them was anything like the kind of guys i like to date.

I'm doing Match now and like it more. The first six weeks i was on, i went on 7 dates with 6 different guys. It's been about half-and-half as to whether i wasn't interested in a second date or they weren't. But at least i'm getting out there and meeting people, and they've all been nice, decent guys. It's slowed down since (and i'm burned out a bit), but still, in the past three months i've been on many more dates than i went on in the previous 2 years (when i wasn't on Match).

[JJ40]

Wendy, I think it totally depends on your personality and needs. Obviously you've heard lots of success stories so you know it can work! I tried eharmony and also plentyoffish (which is totally free, by the way!) I got frustrated with eharmony because of the 'canned' answers and because I wasn't able to search for men myself. However, if you like having the work done for you, then this site is good for you. Good luck...let us know what happens!

[Wendy w]

Again, thank you all for your input. After a lot of thought, I decided to not pursue this and cancelled my membership. I am having a couple of health issues in my life right now and my time is best taking care of myself. A good friend and coworker let me know this morning that she didn't have the best experience with them either and given the funk that I'm in right now, it is best not to be annoyed by freaks, geeks and geezers.

Also, as a person who freely shares and expresses herself, I hate the canned answers.

[wallingjan1]

I just had to jump in and add my thoughts. I met my husband through match.com. It was a dare to sign up. I was fairly recently widowed and not looking for a "soul-mate". I didn't even make it through eharmony's questionairre, it just seemed too hokey. But I did like the idea of going out to dinner and having an adult conversation. I met a couple of guys and just had fun with it, probably because I wasn't under any kind of pressure to meet "the one." So, go figure, by the second date with my now husband, I knew my "I just want to go out to dinner plans" were ruined.

He loved the idea that you knew upfront the women were interested in dating and would be at least somewhat compatible. Oh, and his best friend met his wife through eharmony.

Pam

[hollysmom]

I think it would be an interesting experience to sign up with one of these groups with your DH and see if you would be matched.

How about a seperate 'How'd you meet your SO/DH, etc.' thread to give these single folks some new ideas?

SSM

[tbb113]

I think it would be an interesting experience to sign up with one of these groups with your DH and see if you would be matched.

How about a seperate 'How'd you meet your SO/DH, etc.' thread to give these single folks some new ideas?

SSM

It could be a fun thread...but speaking for myself, how you met your SO in your 20's with no children, might not work for a mom in her late 40's (actually...my way would, I met him in a cooking class for singles). ;) :D

[Curiosity Hears]

Fwiiw, I too met my dh through match.com. Like Pam, I never made it through the eharmony questionnaire.

Hope you find what you are looking for Wendy. :)

[erinlovesmarc]

Hi Wendy,

Honestly back when I was dating I tried all the dating sites and you know, in the end I ended up meeting my husband in regular plain old chatroom and we've been together for 3 years now and married 6 months...not to say that we wouldn't have met on a dating site or maybe we wouldn't have met at all...that's the point...you get lucky sometimes and sometimes you don't...it's really the right place at the right time (and the right mood)...I can't tell you how many times I chatted with the same person, one day he was interesting and the next I was like ACK what was I thinking yesterday!

I can say though that I liked EHarmony (I liked the concept) but in the whole time I was on that site I was never matched with anyone! I guess I'm not average enough or something, I don't know! :confused: :D

[CompassRose]

...you know, in the end I ended up meeting my husband in regular plain old chatroom ...
*snorts of laughter*
I love this. "You know you have entered the 21st century when..."

[donleyk]

*snorts of laughter*
I love this. "You know you have entered the 21st century when..."

Exactly! I thought for sure it was going to be... I met my DH in a coffee shop... or some such. :D

[erinlovesmarc]

Exactly! I thought for sure it was going to be... I met my DH in a coffee shop... or some such. :D

THAT would have been too easy! :p ;) ...Montreal is a horrible city for dating...alot of people looking for a serious relationship eventually resort to the internet because the "players" are everywhere!

[Wendy w]

"players" are everywhere!

That they are. :rolleyes:

Oh, btw: I signed up for another website and it has been interesting. I'll divulge at a later time. I had been emailing with an interesting and witty man from there, we had an hour and a half conversation where he proceeded to make me laugh very hard. He joined that website, for amusement purposes as I did and is astounded that I am real. He had some good stories. Anyhoo...we are meeting for dinner tonight...Italian food. Send good date vibes. Btw: he designs kitchens for a living and likes to cook.

[jjsooner73]

That they are. :rolleyes:
Anyhoo...we are meeting for dinner tonight...Italian food. Send good date vibes. Btw: he designs kitchens for a living and likes to cook.

Sending good vibes your way! Sense a humor, knows how to make a good kitchen, AND can cook? Sounds like a good one so far!

[PAMMELA]

GOOD LUCK WENDY!! :D

Please give us an update tomorrow on how your dinner goes!

[Curiosity Hears]

So how did it go Wendy???? You know we are dying to hear about your evening!:)

[Wendy w]

Update: due to a comedy of errors and flakiness (his), the evening didn't happen and won't. It's not a bad thing and I've been having fun talking to a couple of seemingly nice guys and am in no hurry to date half of Southern CA. I have no regrets about cancelling e-s'more-money, it's just not for me.

[mackandme]

Update: due to a comedy of errors and flakiness (his), the evening didn't happen and won't. It's not a bad thing and I've been having fun talking to a couple of seemingly nice guys and am in no hurry to date half of Southern CA. I have no regrets about cancelling e-s'more-money, it's just not for me.

Sorry he flaked on you. I think the internet really attracts the flaky ones.

I did however have the bizarre fortune of going on a date with a guy last Friday that turned out well, and we're supposed to be going out again Saturday. He actually calls when he says he's going to call.

[Wendy w]

Sorry he flaked on you. I think the internet really attracts the flaky ones.

I did however have the bizarre fortune of going on a date with a guy last Friday that turned out well, and we're supposed to be going out again Saturday. He actually calls when he says he's going to call.

Wow. That is a truly bizarre fortune. Good for you. I hope it works for you. Yes, the internet does attract flakes, but I have met them in real life too. As I said, I'm just having fun and being very discriminating.

[mackandme]

Wow. That is a truly bizarre fortune. Good for you. I hope it works for you. Yes, the internet does attract flakes, but I have met them in real life too. As I said, I'm just having fun and being very discriminating.

We had our second date last night. It went pretty well. I like him, but he seems pretty focused on finding a wife. Which is not necesarily a bad thing, just kind of weird.