Bad news

[Susann]

Well, I found out a few hours ago that the medication combination which I was on to help me ovulate is not working. DH and I will soon be going to the next step, which includes daily injections and frequent monitering by the doctor. Sigh. This is, to say the least, a bad day. I may take some time off from the board. Continued best wishes to the Moms and Moms-To-Be.

[emilycat]

Oh, Susann, I'm so sorry.
I know this must be really difficult for you; but all hope isn't lost. We'll miss you on the boards, but rest your mind and I hope you'll feel better soon.
Emily

[funnybone]

I'm sorry about your bad news. Take it easy for awhile and just think positively. The injections just might be what works for you!

[KristaMB]

Susann,

I, too, am sorry to hear about your bad news. I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers during this difficult time.

~Krista

[kwormann]

Susann

So sorry to hear of your troubles......dont forget that we could be a good "pick-me-up" source if you need one...please dont be gone long http://www.cookinglight.com/bbs/smile.gif

Kim

[lindrusso]

That must be so disheartening. My thoughts are prayers are with you.

[KValley]

Susann,

I am wishing you strength and peace. A dear friend of mine and her husband are exactly at the stage your and your husband are- I know the frustration and wait are agonizing. Please do not give up hope and please don't stay away from the BB for too long.

Take good care of you,

Julie

[LIsaP]

Hi Susann,
I am so sorry to hear of your troubles! Perhaps we should start a special posting for those of us who are not pregnant, but really want to be!
I am in somewhat of the same boat as you. I have not been ovulating since going off the pill in September. My dr just perscribed clomid which I am reluctant to start taking (but realizing I may have to if I want this to happen).

This is a really difficult thing and I am finding myself really upset by it as well.

Best of luck to you.

[Grace]

Hi LisaP and Suzanne (I write it like that so you know I'm pronouncing it right!!!)....

Lisa, I just wanted to say, I just finished 5 months of being on Clomid. It caused me to ovulate beautifully (usually 3 nice big eggs every month!), and I really had no problems whatsoever on the drug. In fact, it kind of made me feel good because my hormone imbalances (which is why I wasn't ovulating in the first place) made me feel depressed and gave me anxiety attacks. I almost didn't want to quit the Clomid because I was feeling so GOOD! Despite the fact that the Clomid did it's job for me, we still had no success in conceiving, so the only other options for me would have been laproscopic surgery to remove endometriosis, or in vitro. My husband and I decided we weren't going to pursue any more medical treatments, just leave it in God's hands (I did get pregnant 2 years ago, on the first try, with no medical assistance - but I miscarried, so I still believe it can happen for us), but we're done with the medical route for a whole lot of reasons, which I won't go into now. But needless to say, I wouldn't be worried Lisa about the Clomid at all (just my opinion!).

And Susann, I can empathize with you. I'm sorry you have to go through all this, and I genuinely and sincerely hope you are able to conceive! Best wishes to you and your husband, and I hope you don't take too much time off from the board. My experience is to try and keep your life as normal as possible, and keep your life filled with positive fun things to keep your mind off of the whole conceiving thing....stress will only counter what you are trying to achieve!! GOOD LUCK! and let us know how you're doing! http://www.cookinglight.com/bbs/smile.gif

[This message has been edited by Grace (edited 05-14-2001).]

[LIsaP]

Grace,
Thanks for the feedback on Clomid. It is good to hear from someone who has actually taken it. I have not heard anything bad about it at all, but I am just scared to go down that route. I think it is my way of not admitting that this may not happen naturally-something that is hard for me to believe!

You are right about trying to stay positive and keep the fun in it all!

I am sorry for your loss and wish you the best with whatever you decide to do in the future.

[ewatkins]

All these posts brought back memories of my husband's and my struggle with infertility. It really helped to know someone else who was going through the same things. What really helped us was begining to learn about adoption --just taking tiny steps to try out the idea: a few phone calls, a book or two, etc. Then, by the time we knew we had to give up on medecine, we were ready to go ahead with our plans to build a family a different way. I just celebrated a wonderful Mother's Day with our kids, 9 and 11. Adoption has gotten terrible press -- find out some info before you dismiss it!

[MrsReber]

Ewatkins- what a wonderful person you are. Before becoming pregnant, I was worried about not being able to have children- for no other reason than I simply worry about everything. It takes a very special person to open their hearts and their homes to a child.

I feel awkward posting here because of my condition, but I really do feel for those of you who are trying. I have a neighbor who only has one ovary and she wants to have children. I guess it's still possible, but she seems a bit depressed by the whole thing and feels it's a matter of time before they will have to remove her other ovary. No, I probably don't fully understand the pain and agony, but there's a plan for all of us. Don't give up. I wish all of you the best of luck and I will be hoping and praying that things work out.

[mb]

I also feel a bit awkward posting here, but I just want to tell all you ladies who are trying to conceive that I'll be praying for you. I like Grace's way of thinking - fill your lives with fun times and reduce your stress levels. I'm certainly no expert, but I would guess that reducing stress/worry could help you in the long run. Of course, I also know that is easier said than done.

I am also happy to hear that ewatkins had such wonderful things to say about adoption. I work for an agency that deals with children in foster care - there are so many kids out there who want and need a loving 'forever family'. Ewatkins, it is so wonderful that you were able to open your hearts and provide those children with such a gift!

I'm also the kind of person who thinks 'what's meant to be is meant to be' - I always thought that if i was unable to conceive (since i worry about things like MrsReber), that I would probably pursue adoption before using medicine. Adoption has gotten some bad press lately, but I can see in tiny ways how the media is trying to change that. It can be a wonderful option for so many people. And aside from you fulfilling a dream of having children (without the awfully painful birth process!), you will give a child a loving home that they may not have received otherwise. I can't really think of anything better that you could do for a child!

Marisa

[Grace]

I would just like to say, you all are wonderful. Mrs R, don't feel weird posting here, how silly it would be to be bitter or begrudge you your pregnancy and baby!! I think everyone here (including me) is SOOO very happy for you!

We have talked about adoption. My husband doesn't seem too keen on discussing it, and I don't push it, but I heard him say just this past weekend to someone else, "we might adopt", so I know the idea is rolling around in his brain and he's considering it!

As for me, I didn't have the happiest of childhoods or even my early adult life. It was full of "drama" and dysfunction and fear. Finding my husband was the best thing that ever happened to me. I have spent a lot of time working on my self and my own life, and I've actually got it the way I like it! I have a good job that affords me a lot of freedom, my life is full of all the fun activities I dreamed about participating in (CL Supper club is one of them!), I have peace and security and no more drama and dysfunction, and I know unconditional love now for the first time in my whole life. You have no idea what a gift that is to me. I have some peace in my soul, and genuine happiness. I have said many a time, if I never get anything else in my whole life, I will be happy. And I will be. So if I am fortunate enough to be blessed with children, that will just be the icing on the cake! But if God sees a different path for me and my husband (ie, adoption, or whatever), well then I'll just have to have the faith that He knows better than me, and that whatever it is it will bring us a lot of joy. I already feel so blessed that asking for more seems almost piggish. (And don't misunderstand, that's not how I think everyone should look at it - just how I do, considering my own circumstances!)

ewatkins, you've made me feel a lot less hesitant about adopting - how blessed ALL of you are to have each other (you and your kids). And I too, love your attitude on the whole thing. Choosing to focus on what you have produces so much more happiness than focusing on what you don't. Thanks for sharing your experiences, and offering some good advice. I will take your advice and start small...

This board and all of you bring me a lot of joy and pleasure too. I feel like you all are really a group of good friends, and how hard is that to find these days?! My boss has almost no friends, and doesn't have any hobbies or interests other than her work. I think to myself how miserable she must be. And it points out how rich and full my own life is.

I've also watched my younger sister battle 8 years of infertility. She has had every treatment known to man, more operations than I can count, and nothing has worked for her. But the point is, she is completely and totally consumed in her quest to get pregnant, so much so that she cries uncontrollably every time she gets her period, and I can't ever discuss it with her, as she gets angry and defensive. Before I was married or had even met my husband, I saw her have a husband who loved her unconditionally, and a whole lot of other blessings that she paid no attention to (while I was alone and lonely). All she could focus on was how she wanted to be pregnant and have a baby. I feel like she has passed up the last 8 years of living. Those 8 years are gone, and she missed them. I don't want to do that with my life.

Anyway, I'll get off my soapbox now, but thanks for letting me express my opinion and feelings. You all are such nice and caring people, I feel like I can say whatever I want.

And I appreciate the prayers and good wishes more than you know, and I will be praying and wishing for all the rest of you too. In the meantime, WHAT'S FOR LUNCH??!!! http://www.cookinglight.com/bbs/biggrin.gif

[SusieO]

Grace, you have such a great attitude. I loved reading your last post.

My heart goes out to all who are struggling to conceive. Best wishes to you.

Some time ago, my husband and I decided that adoption was the way to go for us, due to some scary genes on both sides of the family. We are, however, a little uncertain of how to go about this. Please forgive me if I'm overstepping a boundary here, but I wonder if anyone can suggest a good resource for beginning research. We are particularly interested in overseas adoption, or maybe adopting older children or siblings. There is some information on the web, and a few books, but I find it all pretty overwhelming. Or maybe it's the thought of parenthood that's overwhelming. Anyway, if anyone has information, or personal experience, to share that would be really wonderful.

[ewatkins]

I just wanted to say that I am not one of those wonderful people who wanted to save the world and "give a child a home". I was selfish in a way and knew we would be good parents and I really wanted to raise a child. We were at the hospital for both of our kids' births and we are the only parents they have ever known. (We did meet the birthparents and we exchange leters occasionally so we do have enough info to answer our kids' questions.)
We had some great counseling from our adoption agency which made us realize it was ok to want a healthy newborn. If we weren't up to special needs, older child or different race, that was ok. So -- don't think you have to be a special kind of person to adopt (a saint) --you just have to want a child to love!!!

[mb]

oh, ewatkins, i totally agree with you - all you need is to want to love a child! since i deal with foster children, they usually have extra baggage than, say, a newborn that a mom puts up for adoption. either way, it is wonderful when people open their homes for children and give them a loving place to grow up. Marisa http://www.cookinglight.com/bbs/smile.gif

[Natasha]

Hi Susann,

Best wishes to you and your family in this tough time. I hope you do log on and see how many of us are thinking of you and hoping for the best.

Natasha

[Lynn B]

An EXCELLENT resource for adoption is "Adoptive Families of America", phone # (800) 372-3300 or www.adoptivefamiliesmagazine.com (http://www.adoptivefamiliesmagazine.com)

I am loving this thread. It is so good to see adoption mentioned so enthusiastically and positively. Adoption is a wonderful option - just another way to build families!

[ewatkins]

If this adoption exchnage goes on much longer, can we start a new post? I don't like the "Bad News" title, although I fully understand how it started. Adoption laws vary wildly from state to state --here in Colorado both sides have to go through an agency, which is a good protection. Some agencies have information packets and even seminars to learn more. I would start with the Yellow Pages, and then a good bookstore. The books are helpful to get over some of the hurdles in your mind. Ask around your friends and colleagues and you're sure to get a name and phone number of someone who has done it sucessfully. There is much to learn!

[SusieO]

Thanks for the advice, Lynn and ewatkins. We're looking forward to starting this adventure.

[Tiger]

Susann,
I know how you feel as my husband and I went thought this for 2yrs. I had laproscopic surgery and did take fertility drugs. (I didn't always ovulate on the drugs too.)
Two thoughts always helped me.
My husband would tell me one day I will be a Mom. Whether it be pregnancy or adoption I was going to have a child.
Second when I looked around at my friends lives, yes many had children but not the best marriages. Raising children really is just a small part of your entire life. (18 yrs.) Someday were're all going to be the same age with the children grown and gone but I would still have my wonderful husband and marriage.
The doctors told me to give up I just had too many problems. We were almost finished the adoption process (Korea) when I found out I was 9wks. pregnant. Yes after 8 artifical cycles I was pregnant the good old fashioned way!
My son is my life! And I know I would have felt the same if he came from Korea. However you become a Mom you will appreciate it all the more. I can't have anymore children but don't ever feel sorry for me I have more than I ever dreamed.
Both my sister and brother's wife have children thought in-vitro. Infertility has hit my family hard. (We all had completely different problems)
Look at all your options. And don't wish your life away! Enjoy everyday to the fullest!!

[Susann]

About a week after I started this thread, I returned (feeling much better)and started another thread thanking everyone for the positive thoughts. In case anyone missed it, please know that I appreciate all the comments so much. Tiger, your story is inspirational to me. You are absolutely right. One way or the other, everything will work out.

Thanks again,Ladies. As always, I am sending congratulations to our new Mommies and best wishes to those trying to become Mommies.

[mb]

Tiger,

That is a wonderful story! I can't say I know anything first-hand about infertility and everything that women go through trying to conceive. I just have this 'naive' sort of attitude that things will happen when the time is right, and that modern medicine does not hold all the answers. I know that isn't a particularly well-educated mindset (think of how many people have had babies thanks to in-vitro, meds, etc.), but I just think that your body is an amazing thing and is capable of the most wondrous things on its own. It just seems like when you stopped 'trying' to have a baby and accepted everything else in your life as being wonderful, that everything just sort of fell into place! Congratulations to you... I'm sure you have a beautiful and loving family! http://www.cookinglight.com/bbs/smile.gif it certainly must be inspirational to all of you who are trying to have a baby...

[Tiger]

Susann,
I'm so glad you found my story insporational. Believe me if I could get pregnant there's hope for everyone. I had cervical cancer at 21 and had part of my cervix removed, I don't ovulate, my doctor told me I had the worst case of endometriosis he ever saw (both tubes completely blocked before surgery) and I'm a DES daughter.
When I did get pregnant they had to tie up my cervix and I was on complete bedrest for 5 months. I than developed pre-eclampsia and spent the last month in the hospital before they did a C-section. My son was 2lbs at birth.
But it was all worth it. He's a healthy 4yr old now. Like I said before always keep in mind the big picture everything will be ok. No matter how things turned out I would be a Mom one way or the other and that's the bottom line.
Please keep us updated. Your in my thoughts.

[LIsaP]

Tiger,
Thanks for sharing your story! It once again reinforces what everyone else says...with time and patience, anything can happen.
My husband has been saying the same thing that your husband said to you forever! He is so confident that everything will work out and I will be a mom one way or another. It is nice to have such hope.

Best to you all!

Lisa

[Susann]

I do hope that this is not taken the wrong way. I totally agree that positive thinking (and taking care of one's body and mind)can fix a lot of problems. However, I also know that if positive thinking were all it took, my life would be very different right now. The implication that if one thinks positively, she will become pregnant may not always hold true. Again, I am sorry if I offended anyone by saying this. Just sharing another viewpoint! http://www.cookinglight.com/bbs/smile.gif

[LIsaP]

Susann,
I totally agree with you! Positive thinking does not make babies! http://www.cookinglight.com/bbs/smile.gif Unfortunately there are many other factors as well.
I did not mean to imply that all will be well if everyone just thought positively!

I think positive thinking plays a role in life in general and can't hurt-plus it's a lot more fun than thinking negatively. But, you are right, it will not make one pregnant!

[Tiger]

Susann- I know exactly what you mean!! So many people would just say to me just relax. But of coarse when we first started trying we were relaxed. It wasn't until after a year did we think there might be a problem. And yes I had real medical problems. And even thought in the end I did get pregnant naturally it still wouldn't have happened without medical intervention. My tubes still would have been blocked without surgery.
And believe me when I did get pregnant many people did say to me : See!!!
But comments don't sting as much anymore. Just remember sometimes people just don't know what to say but 99.9% of the time they mean well. It's one those things if you were never in that situation you really can't understand.
When I look back I realize I handled things very well but I do remember people's insensitive comments and I hated babyshowers!