Santa - yay or nay?

[leightx]

Warning...don't let the kiddos read over your shoulder.








I had posed some of these questions over in the Jesus Birthday party thread, but I figured I'd start my own...

Does your family "do" Santa? If you do, do your kids still believe? If they don't believe, do they still play along? When did they find out?

We do Santa, and as I said on the other thread, I'm a bit conflicted about the whole thing, because I feel like it's being deceptive, and I don't like lying to my kids. At the same time, I just can't imagine Christmas without Santa (and the full-on belief that he is REAL).

For those of you who don't do Santa, what are your reasons?

[sneezles]

We did Santa. As for when the boys discovered there was no such thing? I don't know, they never told me!:p I think they didn't want to burst my bubble! Even now with them ranging in age from 19-26 I still mark the odd gift from Santa (mostly it's one that I know they're not expecting). Of course, I'm a total sentimental fool!;)

[Terri_A]

We do Santa in our house. However, DD is fully aware from where blessings truly come. We have a Hallelujah Santa statue in our house that has Santa throwing his arms up in praise and looking to the heavens. It's our favorite Santa.

I wouldn't trade the tradition of Santa though, because there is something magical about it when you are a child. And isn't the Jesus story magical as well? It's a miraculous story of the Father's gift. And Santa is representative of that if you let him be. I think as long as you teach the TRUE meaning of Christmas and find your own way to link that to Santa, he's completely appropriate and delightful at this time of year.

Here's a little history of the Real Saint Nicholas -
http://www.stnicholascenter.org/Brix?pageID=35

[zwieback]

My child is only 2, but she "believes" (as much as a 2 year old can) in Santa. I'll continue with the Santa thing until she asks or finds out some how. I don't see a problem with Santa, the Easter Bunny, Tooth Fairy, etc. I guess I'm one in the camp of belief that kids grow up so quickly and there is so much going on in the world today that even adults can't bear it. I think kids need these few years of fantasy and innocence. I'm also not religious, so none of these things are conflicting to me in terms of that.

I guess it's just those few moments of innocence and joy in my life that I'm not willing to give up yet. I like to see the joy and happiness in my daughter's eyes when she santa at the mall or when she talks to the nutcrackers I have up as decorations in the house. Nope, not willing to give that up. I don't feel as if I'm lying to my child as much as I don't think I'm lying when I play tea party with her (we're not really drinking tea or eating cookies, etc.). I can't say that I know of 1 person who feels cheated or lied to because their parents told them Santa existed when he really doesn't.

[testkitchen45]

kids grow up so quickly . . . I like to see the joy and happiness in my daughter's eyes when she santa at the mall . . . I don't feel as if I'm lying to my child as much as I don't think I'm lying when I play tea party with her. I can't say that I know of 1 person who feels cheated or lied to because their parents told them Santa existed when he really doesn't.
Amen to that--and to what Terri_A posted; I just can't figure out how to do two quotes.

I feel so sorry for kids who don't get the magic of Christmas, with Santa being part of that. We are a religious family who has a "kneeling Santa" figure; we place Santa in his proper place in the hierarchy. We say that Santa brings gifts to celebrate Jesus' birthday, because he loves Jesus too and Jesus Himself is the Gift from God to the world. When our youngest is older (much, I hope), we'll expand on the story by telling her about St. Nicholas, who was a real guy who gave things to the poor, flowing from his love for God. I think Santa not only is part of the magic of Christmas, and the joy of giving someone what his little heart desires if possible (not going overboard, but I mean the emphasis on enjoying giving to others), but also it puts the idea of "giving" in the language of little ones who are just learning to grasp the complexity of taking joy in giving, not just in getting.

I don't think discussing Santa is "lying," when it's just putting the ideas of giving, magic, and joy into kids' language--any more than speaking French in France is "lying" when your native language is English. Santa just needs to be placed in his proper position with your religious views (or with your nonreligious ones about not getting too caught up in materialism), so that as the child matures into a solid realization that fat guys don't come down chimneys, he/she will see that Santa is based on a real person and is part of the sweet Christmas tradition of joy in giving.

I honestly don't remember exactly when our older kids started asking about Santa, but we thought they were too young to stop believing--the wonder of childhood is too short already. One wanted to know the truth; the other one suspected it but told him, "you're growing up too fast! I don't want to know!" We think they suspected for awhile, but didn't want their suspicions confirmed (so we didn't) . . . now they are much older and are excited about keeping the wonder going for their little sister.

[Hammster]

I think "Santa" is more a concept than a person. So anyone can be Santa. Our boys are 23 and they still get a gift from Santa. As do my wife and I. Along the same lines of deceiving little children about Santa, do the same people also feel they are deceiving their children about Easter Bunny, tooth fairy, etc?

[Terri_A]

Here's my Hallelujah Santa Claus -

http://i5.ebayimg.com/02/i/000/79/9d/2013_1_b.JPG

[leebee]

My mom always took the "Santa believes in you if you believe enough in him" stance, which worked well. FWIW, I'm almost 40 & still get a stocking from Santa every year, so I must still believe a little! My husband was worried about the "lying" thing for a little while, but once we talked it over he realized that none of his brothers or sisters (nor himself!) felt they were "lied to." I will tell my kids when they need to know the absolute truth, but right now it's good for my son to believe that there is such a good force in the world (DD is only 2, so she only knows "mine"). And, it's great for me because as a parent, I have to say "no" all the time. "NO, you can't have that; NO, I won't buy you this," and so on. But Santa can say "YES"! Santa can buy a video game or silly toy, and I still get to be Responsible Parent. There doesn't need to be a conflict w/ religion, either. You can either integrate the two, as several have done successfully, or allow Santa to represent the secular part of Christmas. It's just a little holiday magic, and it's gone too fast!

[leightx]

Along the same lines of deceiving little children about Santa, do the same people also feel they are deceiving their children about Easter Bunny, tooth fairy, etc?

To some extent, yes! Of course, we still have the tooth fairy, et al. in this house (complete with heartfelt thank you notes or poems from the tooth fairy, and clues to find the Easter baskets every year). And naturally, I'm only speaking for myself here.

Zweiback- I understand your analogy with the tea party, but Santa is so much more far reaching. He's everywhere - in the malls, on the TV, in the movies, on wrapping paper and on the local news. I'm surprised his likeness hasn't shown up on toast at this point. If the concept of tea parties were that systemic, with almost every adult reinforcing the idea for an entire month out of each year, I probably would have grown up convinced that tea was air, and that my stuffed animals really did snack on cookies. :p

We're not religious - so no conflict there. I would think that would be even harder once the kids figure out Santa (then again, I almost got myself kicked out of Sunday School for asking too many unanswerable questions), but most of you seem to be handling it well.

[leebee]

I think it helps to look at what Santa truly represents. Yes, there's the magic of the season, and the innocence of children (who DO grow up entirely too fast!). But for me, it's more about believing in one magical person who devotes his entire existence to making children happy. It's not greed--my kids just get one Santa gift & a stocking. Santa doesn't just leave the presents, he writes a note thanking them for being so good, he thanks them for the wonderful treat they left, and he tells them that he'll be thinking about them all the next year long. He's the ultimate in generousity and good will, and is a good role to emulate (to the degree we can!) in our own lives. We give away the awesome present we bought for the Angel Tree child to HELP Santa out. It's a great thing to see my son understanding that--that we are giving a toy to a complete stranger because Santa needs our help. So, I'll keep on lying to suit my own purposes. I'd rather my children BE children for a few years, and have the comfort of the lovely fantasies that should come along with childhood.

[zwieback]

Zweiback- I understand your analogy with the tea party, but Santa is so much more far reaching. He's everywhere - in the malls, on the TV, in the movies, on wrapping paper and on the local news. I'm surprised his likeness hasn't shown up on toast at this point. If the concept of tea parties were that systemic, with almost every adult reinforcing the idea for an entire month out of each year, I probably would have grown up convinced that tea was air, and that my stuffed animals really did snack on cookies. :p

I guess this is why I don't have a problem/conflict with the idea of Santa because I don't dwell on the idea of Santa for too long with DD, nor does anyone else around her. We talk about Santa if she says something or sees him at the mall or in a cartoon, etc. Once in a while we ask her if Santa is coming, but not too often. We certainly don't say "Santa is coming and is going to bring you lots of presents, etc." I understand where you're coming from because it does seem like it's santa this and santa that, especially when Santa is in the mall before Thanksgiving.:rolleyes: I just make sure it isn't that way with my DD. But, I'm sure it also has a lot to do with her age (2) and she's not really able to grasp the whole idea just yet and I can more or less control how much exposure she gets to it.

I hope that made sense. I know what I wanted to say, just didn't really know how to vocalize it. :)

[beacooker]

I've been struggling with the Santa issue for years. I was able to easily avoid the issue up until this year, but DS1 is almost 5 now, and is starting to ask me if Santa is going to be coming down our chimney this year. When he asks me something as point-blank as that, it really bothers me to flat-out lie and tell him that yes, Santa will be coming down our chimney this year. However, I admit I did lie like a rug!! :D I'm kind of kicking myself for it now, and wish I had stuck to my guns. Of course I want my son to experience 'the magic of Christmas' but if the magic comes, as I believe it does, from families spending time together, and giving to those who are less fortunate, how does Santa fit into that?

And how do I explain us taking gifts to be distributed to less fortunate kids? How do I explain to a 4 year old that Santa brings presents to him, but not to poor kids? :confused:

And I don't see any difference between Santa, the tooth fairy, and the Easter Bunny. Leightx, I'm curious why you are conflicted about Santa, but 'of course' you do the tooth fairy and the Easter Bunny. (And I don't mean that in a combative way, if it sounds like I do - I really am just curious, as I try to sort out the Santa issue for my family :) )

[leightx]

Oh - I'm every bit as conflicted about the tooth fairy and the Easter bunny, I just meant that we do those as well as Santa.

I'm pretty much in the same boat you are. I'm torn between wanting to give them the whole Santa experience, and doing what I feel is essentially lying to keep the dream alive. I play make-believe with the kids, and we read fairy tales, but there is an understanding there that those aren't real, but they're still great fun. In our house at least, we don't make that distinction with Santa.

[ClaraB]

We do Santa at our house, but I do struggle a bit with the "What will the kids think when they find out he's not real?" issue. Our 12 yo has, I think, figured out he's not real, but I'm not sure about our 9 yo. I'm a little uncomfortable with them still believing as they get older, because I think the disappointment will be greater when they find out the truth. Then again, we haven't tried too hard to hide who Santa is...

I was floored when a friend from my Bible study group proudly told us how her 2 ds's (10th and 8th grade) still believed in Santa, and the lengths to which she and DH went to get them to continue believing and allay their suspicions. I don't think that does the kids any good IMHO.

[stefania4]

Gosh, I had never considered it to be lying, but I guess it is! I just always looked at Santa as One Of Those Things Adults Say To Kids.

For example - a few months ago I was waiting to cross the street with my niece. There weren't any cars coming, but we didn't cross because I want her to know to wait for the light and the "walk" signal. The mid-50's guy on the corner overheard me tell her that we needed to wait, and he looked at me, mock-rolled his eyes and said "Oh fine, I'll be a good example" with a smile. Was he "lying" since he would've gone ahead and crossed had we not been there? Or was he just lending a hand as adults do where kids are involved, whether we know them or not?

In other words, I tell my niece that everyone looks both ways before crossing the street, that it's just not possible to get taller without eating vegetables, that people will be nice to her if she's nice to them, etc. None of these things are entirely true, but I trust that as she grows older she'll understand it in context of the adults who love her trying to make her little world a little better.

[leightx]

Zwieback - yes, it was much easier for me when they were smaller. At that age, there isn't nearly as much distinction between fantasy and real life (for kids), and most kids believe Santa is real in the same way that they think the Wiggles and Dora and the monsters under the bed are real.

I guess I'm struggling more now that they're older, and they're far more skeptical. I'm guessing this will probably be the last year that believe in Santa (the whole story), since they already have their doubts. We've told them that Santa visits everyone who believes in him, and of course we'll continue with that even when they do discover the "truth".

[beacooker]

I was floored when a friend from my Bible study group proudly told us how her 2 ds's (10th and 8th grade) still believed in Santa, and the lengths to which she and DH went to get them to continue believing and allay their suspicions. I don't think that does the kids any good IMHO.

Yes - that is something I have a major issue with. Its one thing to just kind of go along with it while the kids are younger, but to actively try to deceive them when they are old enough to know better just seems like just wrong the precedent to set.

I also was annoyed with a mom I heard in a restaurant the other day. Her son was acting up, and she kept telling him that if he didn't stop, Santa wouldn't bring him any presents, and she kept threatening that she was going to go get Santa (we were at a restaurant in a mall) and show him how bad the boy was being. :eek:

[testkitchen45]

I almost got myself kicked out of Sunday School for asking too many unanswerable questions.
(Brief thread hijack: as a religious person who has asked countless tough questions & dug for answers, I think any self-respecting Sunday school needs to welcome these! God can handle tough questions; He's the one who gave you your brain. If religious people you know can't deal with the questions, then keep looking & asking . . . :) . Hijack over. Back to thread.)

Quote from beacooker: And how do I explain us taking gifts to be distributed to less fortunate kids? How do I explain to a 4 year old that Santa brings presents to him, but not to poor kids?

We had an issue with this too. We told our kids that Santa tends to do things that are pretty much in line with what the family does. It becomes another way to show how Santa isn't Jesus: Santa's a guy with limitations; Jesus isn't. This approach has worked for us, and it's a way to emphasize the need for us to help out the less fortunate.

[stephanie678]

And how do I explain us taking gifts to be distributed to less fortunate kids? How do I explain to a 4 year old that Santa brings presents to him, but not to poor kids? :confused:



This is the issue I'm having a hard time with this year. My 4 y.o. DS and I put together a shoebox of gifts for Operation Christmas Child. When I told him that we were giving them to a boy who probably woudn't otherwise receive any gifts, he said, "Well, if he's good, Santa will bring him some!"

I grew up with parents who thought it was lying to teach children to believe in Santa. I enjoy Santa traditions with my own children, but sometimes I'm at a loss. I don't want them to see the story of Jesus birth as just another story like Santa is.

[leightx]

(Brief thread hijack: as a religious person who has asked countless tough questions & dug for answers, I think any self-respecting Sunday school needs to welcome these! God can handle tough questions; He's the one who gave you your brain. If religious people you know can't deal with the questions, then keep looking & asking . . . :) . Hijack over. Back to thread.)

Oh don't worry - the questioning is ongoing! :p I just keep getting stuck at the "you just have to have faith and believe" part of the equation, which seems to be the last ditch answer to everything. ;)

[beacooker]

I grew up with parents who thought it was lying to teach children to believe in Santa.

So can you tell me what that was like for you as a kid, if you don't mind? Did you feel like you missed out?

[Krysia1031]

My family always spend Christmas Eve at my grandma's house, which includes approx. 50 people (yes, we have a very big family!). There are 17 grandchildren including myself, with the youngest in 5th grade, so needless to say no one believes in Santa anymore. We do however have a tradition thats been around since the first grandchild was born (1976) that one of the men dresses up as Santa. Its been 30 years since we have had this tradition and I couldn't imagine Christmas Eve at my grandma's without Santa! All through the years, the older kids played along for the younger children and we have had so many wonderful memories! We each get one small present (grown-ups included) and before we can get the present Santa makes us do something. Over the years we have had to sing Christmas carols, share embarassing moments and tell stories about how family members helped you during the year. Looking back, I knew that one year Santa might have been really thin, and some years had a funny accent or was tall/short, but I treasure those memories so much! I only hope that we continue the tradition so that when my DH and I have kids they can share the same memories. :)

[stephanie678]

So can you tell me what that was like for you as a kid, if you don't mind? Did you feel like you missed out?

Christmas was wonderful for me as a kid; we did all the traditional fun things like presents, caroling, baking, decorating, etc. We even went to Santa at the mall a few times - my parents just told us it was a fun thing to pretend. They just didn't try to convince us Santa was real. They also were very strict about not letting us tell other children he wasn't real. I think my sister and I felt a little superior knowing something our friends didn't know, but we never told.

My husband grew up in a family that was/is big into Santa. I didn't resent my parents for eschewing Santa, but I did think it was overreacting to think that children feel lied to (their reasoning) when they find out Santa wasn't real. So I fully intended to do the Santa thing with my kids. And I am, but maybe my background makes me feel uneasy. When I tell my son that we are leaving out cookies for Santa or that Santa brought him presents, I feel a little fake. I guess I'd like to find a happy medium of incorporating the spirit of Santa without as much elaborate deception.

[clairea]

We do Santa. I don't think it ever really occurred to me not to, it is just part of the magic of Christmas. My 9yo has figured it out, but still does a wonderful job of playing along for his 6yo sister -- so well that sometimes they will be talking about Santa and I will be thinking "did he start believing again?", and then the minute she leaves the room he will say something that makes it clear he doesn't. He loves being in on the "secret" and and really enjoys helping play Santa for his little sister.

And how do I explain us taking gifts to be distributed to less fortunate kids? How do I explain to a 4 year old that Santa brings presents to him, but not to poor kids? :confused:

In your family, do all presents come from Santa? We only do one gift (and the stockings) from Santa, and others come from family, so I don't have any trouble explaining this to my kids -- these children will get a gift from Santa, but their parents aren't able to buy them anything else, so we will provide some things since we have so much. If your tradition is to do everything from Santa, though, this obviously won't work as well.

[misskitty100]

YAY!!!! Yes, Santa comes to our house!

I know some Christian families that don't but they also don't celebrate Halloween either (which we do).

[beacooker]

Interesting thoughts, Stefania. I guess the big difference I see in your examples is that those are things that people 'should' do, and you are just simplifying the truth to make it easier to understand. Most of us adults can't truly understand the complexities of the world, much less trying to explain them to kids. What kids get from you telling them that 'everyone' does something, is that they should do it too. But in the case of Santa, I don't see that the 'lie' really benefits them any (which is not to say I think it necessarily hurts them, either).

Krysia1031, that is a great story. :) If my family did something like that at Christmas, I think I would feel differently about the Santa-story, as in your case, Santa really is someone who is coming and bringing presents and, more importantly, joy to the family.

[Beth H]

I was floored when a friend from my Bible study group proudly told us how her 2 ds's (10th and 8th grade) still believed in Santa, and the lengths to which she and DH went to get them to continue believing and allay their suspicions. I don't think that does the kids any good IMHO.


That seems fairly sheltered, or the parents have no idea what the kids know and don't know! :)

We certainly did Santa growing up, although I remember being really crushed when I found out that he wasn't "real." I don't have kids, but if I did, I think I would have Santa bring one or two gifts each year, but not go to great lengths to perpetuate it, either. I knew kids growing up whose parents actually put reindeer "tracks" on their rooftop!

[leebee]

The more I read, the more I think we are just overthinking the Santa thing. I took a moment and thought about it and can honestly say I don't know one single person who felt betrayed about the "Santa Lie." I can't think of anyone who says they bear emotional scars from it. Who are these people? I do know of ONE person I went to college with who had parents that didn't do the Santa thing (because they didn't want to "lie"--not for any religious reason), and he was quite bitter about it, actually. So, by assuming they were "protecting" their children, they actually created a resentment. And things like this are all over our culture. We've talked about the Tooth Fairy & Easter Bunny, but what about Groundhog's Day? What about making a wish when we blow out our birthday candles? Wishing on a star? Are they all "lies"? No! They're just part of our collective culture, why some people whistle past the graveyard or wear their lucky socks on exam days. As we get older, we understand their place in our world. But as children, some of this stuff feels as real as can be. My daughter thinks Dora is real. My son is scared to death that it hurts his blankie to be washed. I can explain & explain, but they'll get it when they're ready. I remember thinking about my blankie as a real, sentient being. Then one day, I didn't. I didn't feel betrayed that my parents didn't discourage me from thinking about it as a living thing. I just was finally ready to let the fantasy go. Those fantasies can have a very positive place in a child's life, I think. From blankie all the way to Santa.

[Robyncz]

We only do one gift (and the stockings) from Santa, and others come from family, so I don't have any trouble explaining this to my kids -- these children will get a gift from Santa, but their parents aren't able to buy them anything else, so we will provide some things since we have so much. If your tradition is to do everything from Santa, though, this obviously won't work as well.

That's the exact logic we use as well. At our house, Santa usually brings something the girls think we (the parents) wouldn't buy them. In fact, last year, when DD#1 was 6, she told us she knew Santa was real because she was sure Mama and Daddy would never spend that much money on a Barbie playhouse for the backyard (which Santa had brought the previous year).

[ChristyMarie]

The more I read, the more I think we are just overthinking the Santa thing.

I agree.

I'm 33 and Santa STILL visits our house. :p Confused the heck out of DH the first couple of years - he kept asking "who is this from" and everyone would just say "Santa." He finally gave up asking but I'm still not sure he *gets* it. LOL.

I remember figuring it out on my own growing up. But since EVERYONE got Santa gifts, not just the kids, I remember going along with it with no problem.

I'm still stuck this year trying to figure out a perfect Santa gift for DH.;)

[Kathy B]

We were talking about Christmas traditions in my SS class last week, and the topic of believing in Santa (and finding out Mom and Dad were involved) came up. One woman told us her niece had said to her when she was about 9...."I know about Santa." She asked her what she knew and the girl described finding the wrapping paper in the closet or something like that. The woman told her that Santa is really a figure who represents the "Spirit of Christmas", loving, caring, giving, and now that she was older, she would be part of that, too....getting to help carry on the tradition. I thought that was a beautiful way to deal with it, and apparently it went over just fine with her niece, too.

[Krysia1031]

beacooker, Thanks!

IMHO, the holidays is about spending time together as a family and making wonderful memories. Wether or not these memories will include Santa is up to you. :)

[beacooker]

leebee, I very much agree that I am over-thinking the issue. :) Then again, I pretty much over-think every issue. I'm just never comfortable unless I can logically 'figure out' pretty much everything I do. It makes me a great computer programmer, but can make me very annoying to live with! :D

[mrswaz]

So can you tell me what that was like for you as a kid, if you don't mind? Did you feel like you missed out?

I asked my younger sisters the same thing, I experienced Santa until I was 6 years old, and it was so devastating to learn the truth. My sisters grew up without Santa, and when DD was 2 I asked them if they felt they had missed out. And they truthfully both (they're twins) felt that Christmas was so much more special without Santa. They knew that all their gifts were lovingly selected and wrapped by Mom and Dad, and they still have an incredible appreciation for recieving gifts.

We decided not to do Santa. (We also don't do E.Bunny or Tooth Fairy). I certainly don't fault anyone for wanting to do Santa, but for us, it just didn't feel right. I've mentioned before that the crux of the decision for us was Jesus/Santa. What happens when a 9 year old child finds out there is no Santa... and then they proceed to ask about Jesus? It just didn't feel right for us. Our DD is in first grade and she knows that Santa isn't real, but she also knows that other kids believe in Santa. I do disagree that you need Santa to experience the magic of Christmas. Our kids are just as giddy at Christmas time as the day they walked into The Magic Kingdom.

[Laura]

We did and still do santa, and I guess when it comes down to it, I lied, or at least misrepresented, who Santa was/is. I will tell you that when my kids found out, there were no issues of distrust or angst. It was just kind of like that was a fun game that lasted for about 6-7 years and now is over. I have always emphasized the true meaning of Christmas which is, for us, to celebrate God's gift of His Son. Santa would come and go, but the true meaning of Christmas remains.

[leightx]

Leebee - I overthink absolutely *everything*. :o

I do remember being upset when I found out the truth, but certainly not upset enough to want to do anything differently with my own kids. I have heard of people (not personally) that were emotionally scarred for being lied to. I don't really understand that, but I suppose it happens. Honestly, I'm not worried about how this is going to affect the kids later in life. It just makes me a bit squirmy, but I do it anyway since I enjoy keeping Santa alive for just a little longer...

[beacooker]

Leebee - I overthink absolutely *everything*. :o


Leigh, now I know why I've always related to you so much! :)

[leightx]

Leigh, now I know why I've always related to you so much! :)

Anne - I was thinking the exact same thing! :D

[Escher]

leightx

Re: Santa in the Escher household.

Santa is/will be a story/character that is told around Christmas time. He is not real, but the many actors we see playing him remind us of his wonderful story.

FWIW, I was raised being told "Santa is real".

But I'm a weird nut, I know. We are on year 3 of no presents, as well... It's really going to get tough next year, when the boys are aware of all their compatriots getting so much "stuff"....

[Blissful_in_TX]

I know I’m in the minority, but we’re not doing the whole Santa thing because there is just too big a part of me that feels it’s deceptive. (Though I certainly don’t disagree with parents who do decide to have the whole Santa experience.) My decision is based on my own experiences as a child…..I remember when I found out Santa wasn’t real….it was from a kid that lived down the road when I told him I was putting my tooth under my pillow, and that led him to saying “You know the Tooth Fairy, Santa, etc aren’t real right?” And I remember arguing with him that they certainly were b/c I had point-blank asked my parents, and they said yes, and I knew that my parents would never lie to me. Maybe I was just too sensitive, but when I found out the truth I really DID feel deceived. (Though I’ve gotten over it by now, lol!)

Secondly, and again I must have been a weird child, but those mystical creatures scared the heck out of me. I didn’t like the fact that Santa (or the Tooth Fairy for that matter) could secretly get inside our supposedly secure home. I also didn’t like that there was a human-sized rabbit getting into our backyard. On Easter I didn’t dare go outside alone for the fear of accidentally running into him. And on Christmas Eve my dad would take us out looking at lights, and mom would call on the CB radio saying “Quick, come home….I hear something on the roof!” (aka reindeer) We would be racing home, and I would have tears streaming down my face thinking someone was trying to break in and get my mom. Not the best memories.

Really I hope to skirt around the issue for as long as possible. There will always be eggs in the backyard and presents under the tree, but I’m not going to play up where they came from. If he starts asking if Santa is real, I want him to know that Santa is the spirit of giving.

[leightx]

That's right Escher - I remember you posting that info last year. I like the idea very much, even though I don't necessarily want to cut out all gifts in our family. I would very much like to scale back the gift aspect though, and we're doing that to some extent this year. I'm sure as long as you have your own traditions, you sons will come to value those as well.

[Taeler]

My parents did Santa and that was never a big deal, but my sister doesn't, and DH and I have decided not to when we have kids. We like Saint Nicholas though! I just feel that the story of Saint Nick has more longevity, they can take the concepts of him to every Christmas season for the rest of their lives. And St. Nick's actions were a response to his faith in Jesus, so it's a win-win. They get special presents, they learn about giving to others, they learn how it relates to God, and we can still take pictures with Santa because he is a special person there to remind us of the charity of St. Nick, and the ultimate gift of the season, Jesus! I think it is a good compromise. But people who don't do santa need to be careful about their kids telling others, my 3 yr old nephew told my other nephew (different sister) that there was no santa and that was a real problem! Poor thing!

[Peggy C.]

Here's my Hallelujah Santa Claus -

http://i5.ebayimg.com/02/i/000/79/9d/2013_1_b.JPG

He looks so joyful...:o

[Gumbeaux]

Amen to that--and to what Terri_A posted; I just can't figure out how to do two quotes.


You can quote (or misquote) anyone by simply typing in the quote tags. You can even quote someone that has not posted on this forum before, such as the quote below. ;)

The good man brings good things out of the good stored up in his heart, and the evil man brings evil things out of the evil stored up in his heart. For out of the overflow of his heart his mouth speaks

[Gail]

It's interesting how Santa is a little different with each of us.

Being a rational sort, my son reasoned out very quickly that if Santa was sitting in the mall, he wasn't the dude on the street corner bellowing "Ho, ho, ho!" And if he were either of these guys, who was overseeing all those elves at the North Pole?

No problem. We accepted THOSE were not real Santas because the REAL Santa was too busy doing Santa stuff. They were Santa emissaries, spreading good will and "ho-ho-ho's."

Our Santa was pretty high tech, too. Letters to Santa were passé; you just faxed him your list-- much to the surprise of my friend on the receiving end (and yes, I know there's stuff on the web now serving this function.) We baked cookies and put out milk for him (carefully handpicked so as to be recognizable if replaced in cookie box uneaten) and left the reindeer a carrot. (One carrot for all those reindeer! How they must've fought!) Dad ate recognizable cookies and the carrot. I bought special rolls of "Santa" wrapping paper which I hid, disposing of wrappings turned inside out, wrapped in other scraps. We gave gifts to the poor without discussion of Santa-- it was simply fair to share what we had with people who had less.

Christmas morning, presents from Santa were under the tree as well as presents from Mom and Dad. The snow child on the mantle had a chocolate kiss in its mouth. Stockings were filled. Cookie, carrot and milk were gone, a few crumbs on the plate and a crumbled napkin left behind. I don't think we worried too much about making explanations for how Santa did the many wonderous things he was purported to do. We had a child who chose to believe in the Magic of Christmas-- so a simple shrug and reminder that Santa is Magic was the only response we ever needed. If anything, the film "The Santa Clause" played right into our angle perfectly, as it gave him visuals for some of the magic which might be going on. We could talk about it hypothetically-- if Santa REALLY did half that stuff, WOW! that answered all sorts of questions.

Years went by; each Chrismtas I was convinced it was the year my son would say he'd found out The Truth. His friends had; but he just went quietly on about his business each Christmas as he had the year before. People in the family wondered about him. I said, "I think that deep down he knows the answer. But I think he still WANTS to believe. As as long as he wants to believe, that's fine with me."

Sometime into early adolescence my son finally came to me and said, "Okay. I want you to tell me the truth-- and if you WERE lying to me, I'm going to be upset that you did... Is there or is there not a Santa Claus?"

I was sitting right here at the computer at the time (probably on this site!) I remember leaning back and saying something like... "If you WANT there to be a Santa, there is a Santa. He is here (indicating the heart)."

He looked a little deflated and said, "So you did lie--"

I replied, "No. Not really. I believe in Santa. And every Christmas he comes to our house, eats our cookies, drinks our milk and leaves gifts. You notice he never leaves anything for Mom, though?" I grinned. "We did this NOT because we wanted to lie to you; we did it because we truly enjoyed what we were doing, and the pleasure that we saw it gave to you. Isn't the whole idea of Santa about giving to others? He exists. He just isn't a fat guy in a red suit."

He thought about it a while and said, "I liked it the way it was...Maybe we could pretend that nothing's changed?"

I said, "Nothing has to change."

That was a couple of Christmases ago.

And it hasn't changed.

[Linda in MO]

Cute story, Gail, and I like the way you explained Santa to your son. :) I think I need to memorize your response. ;)

[HejazSunKat]

I was floored when a friend from my Bible study group proudly told us how her 2 ds's (10th and 8th grade) still believed in Santa, and the lengths to which she and DH went to get them to continue believing and allay their suspicions. I don't think that does the kids any good IMHO.

Well, now who's lying to who? :D She must think they believe and they must be humoring her. How could they possibly get that far in school without a classmate clueing them in long ago? Either that or those are incredibly sheltered children!

[jjsooner73]

No kids, so I haven't had to deal with that issue yet.
My parents did Santa, and I don't recall feeling betraying when I found out the truth from my mom. I don't recall how old I was, and I think a friend had already told me but I choose to not believe her.

However, I do recall lying on the couch with mom when she told me that Santa, the tooth fairy, and the Easter bunny were not real. That's also the same time she told me that about periods and such, so maybe any dissapointment I had was clouded over the girly things I had to "look forward" to. :D
No Santa, no tooth fairy, no Easter bunny, and I'm going to have blood down there once a month? What a blow!