Problem concerning class reunion

[rissole]

Hi. I'm having a problem with the woman who recently organized our class reunion, and I'd appreciate any feedback about what I should do about it.

Our class reunion was held on the third week of September this year. Earlier in the summer, Ginger (who was our senior-class president) sent out letters inviting us to the reunion. She asked us to send in digital photos even if we couldn't attend, and she said that we could order a class CD (which would have everyone's personal photos and other info on it) along with a professional class photo (taken the night of the reunion). Anyway, since I could not attend, I ordered both and sent Ginger a check for $30. Way back in high school, Ginger always had a good reputation, seemed very responsible, and even graduated third in our class. I have never heard anything bad about her, nor have I had any problems with her in the past.

Anyway, my check cleared on September 19, but I waited for over six weeks and never received anything. So, I sent her a nice letter and asked her when the photos and CDs would be sent. I did not get a response. More recently, I sent her another letter, which was much more "business-like" and to the point. Basically, I said that I still hadn't received anything and expected a full refund of my $30--unless she still planned to send the photo and CD I ordered.

I haven't heard anything yet, but I'm going to give her a few more weeks before I take my next step. You may wonder why I haven't called her at this point. Basically, I haven't talked to her in years and years, and I really didn't want to have our first conversation in that many years turn into a shouting match or something like that, which would be an extremely unpleasant experience. Besides, if she doesn't respond to my letters, I have a hard time believing that I would get much further with her on the phone anyway. Nevertheless, if I haven't heard from her in a few weeks, I *do* plan to call her.

I'm basically wondering what all my options are. Unfortunately, Ginger is the only one who organized the reunion, so there are no other class officers I could contact. And I don't have any of my other classmates' current addresses, since ironically enough all that information was supposed to be on the CD I ordered! :p If I call her and she makes up some excuse about why she can't send the photos, what do I say? "You'd better send them to me or else?" Normally when I have problems with a company, I just dispute the charges with my credit card company. However, since she is not a registered business, is there any way I could still report her for fraud? Her husband does actually own a business--and she works for him, but that has nothing to do with our class reunion and it would be unfair to try to blame him for something that's her fault. Furthermore, our high school was in a small town, and I realize that complaining the wrong way could make me look like a "crybaby" or something--and actually end up hurting my reputation more than hers!

Anyway, I would greatly appreciate any feedback. I don't care as much about losing $30 as I do about the general principle. IOW, I do not want to see her get away with ripping people off. And I do realize that if she's doing this to me, she must be doing the same thing to some of my other classmates as well. If anyone has had any similar experiences or has any specific ideas about what I should do here, please let me know. Thanks. :)

[krhm]

Sorry you're going through this. Have you checked out classmates.com to see if you can find some other people from the class? Our reunion had a bulletin board where people could post messages. Maybe someone else had the same problem.

[sneezles]

What a bummer! Have you tried looking at classmates.com for other classmates? You might be able to get some feedback from someone that way...if they attended, did the class photo get taken, anyone else not receive said CD, was the whole thing a rip-off and Ginger just collected $30 from former classmates?

Did you send your letters return-receipt or registered so you have proof she rec'd them?

Since you haven't had a relationship with this woman since HS I don't think it would be bad to confront her by phone...JMHO!

[Gilgamesh37]

Funnily enough, almost this exact same thing happened at our last class reunion (except that I attended, so I kind of wanted that class photo even more). The photo and the promised book of addresses, etc. never appeared. I contacted our 3 organizers a couple of times, never got a response and then dropped it. From knowing these people, in our case, I'm just assuming that something went wrong and the stuff never came together. Would it be ncie if they refunded our money? Well, yeah, but it's only $30 and I don't think they set out to rip us off, this wasn't their Big Plan to get mega-rich.

Maybe it's just a style thing, but I'm really surprised you feel this strongly about it, that you're afraid you'd get into a "shouting match" if you called her. How baout "Hi, I know we haven't talked in a long time, but I'm wondering wehre the CD is?" It seems like you're reading an awful lot into the situtation if you automatically expect her to reply to that with screaming. Honestly, if you're truly contemplating charging her with CRIMINAL FRAUD over a $30 check assocaited with a class reunion, then to me it sounds like htere's a lot more history between the two of you than you claim. jmo

[DmOrtega]

...
Nevertheless, if I haven't heard from her in a few weeks, I *do* plan to call her.
...

Call her now. Note all communications with her whether by phone, letter, etc, so you have a paper trail. Send any mail certified with return reciept, for verification. Get a copy of the cancelled check. Let her know that you have it and want the cd or the money back in 7 days, be specific. If it isn't rectified you can always take her to small claims court.

[cindy47031]

I think you should definitely contact her by phone, but first, put aside all thoughts of a shouting match. Compiling all these photos into a CD may have turned out to be a bigger project than she anticipated. Yes, she absolutely should have replied to your letters. But she didn't, and you don't know why.

Before you assume she is ripping you (and others) off, please call her on the phone. It's easy to put a letter aside and with intentions to answer it later, then it can get accidentally forgotten, or misplaced. With a phone call, you'll get an immediate response.

Anything could be going on in this woman's life that is preventing her from prioritizing this project (illness, personal problems, accidents, any number of things.) Please, please don't jump to conclusions, be patient, and be kind when you call her.

Good luck. I hope you are able to get this resolved peacefully.

[MikeC]

I agree with others here, I think you should contact her by phone.

She may be terribly embarrassed that things are taking so long to put together, and she may be putting off contacting the possibly many people who are sending letters saying "What's going on?" It may be easier to reach her by phone and ask her what's up.

Just contemplating going to small claims court for $30 makes me shudder!

[cookieee]

I also had a class reunion this year (didn't go). I received several e-mails to order a cd and booklet, but not from anyone of my classmates that put the reunion together, but from a company that was doing the cd and booklet. I didn't respond to the e-mail, just deleted. Maybe that might be the case here, and Ginger might not have anything to do with it, and just waiting for the company to get the cd out to the people rather than having to answer all of those letters. Just a thought.

[Grace]

Call her now. Note all communications with her whether by phone, letter, etc, so you have a paper trail. Send any mail certified with return reciept, for verification. Get a copy of the cancelled check. Let her know that you have it and want the cd or the money back in 7 days, be specific. If it isn't rectified you can always take her to small claims court.

Small claims court??? For $30??? It costs $50 here in Illinois just to file, not to mention my time, energy and time off work to go have the case heard.

While I would want what was promised me, ultimately, this would get filed in the "oh well, that's life" column for me and I would just move on and not participate anymore in any reunion type stuff.

[stefania4]

I'm confused - if she's believed to be a pretty decent person, how did we jump to small claims court and a shouting match instead of "she must have had an incorrect address for me" or "gosh, I hope she's not ill"?

[ChristieinMB]

I'm confused - if she's believed to be a pretty decent person, how did we jump to small claims court and a shouting match instead of "she must have had an incorrect address for me" or "gosh, I hope she's not ill"?
I agree with this and others, give her a chance, even if she doesn't come through forget it.
I third the suggestion to try classmates.com.

[emncar]

Go to Judge Judy ;) That is what my daughter always says when I'm mad at someone. I agree about classmates.com or reunion.com.

[DmOrtega]

Small claims court??? For $30??? It costs $50 here in Illinois just to file, not to mention my time, energy and time off work to go have the case heard.
...


Honestly.... I'm with you on this one. Just wanted to point out what could be done if rissole wants to do something, given the tone of the post. There could be many scenarios with this situation. So it's anybody's guess. It can be frustrating.

[donnamp14]

I'm thinking that maybe she was the coordinator and she had someone else making the CDs. Chance are she's forwarding your request (and everyone else's) to the person who agreed to make the CDs. She may be as frustrated as you are.

Probably nothing more than that. Give her a call.

Good luck!

-Donna

[rissole]

Sorry you're going through this. Have you checked out classmates.com to see if you can find some other people from the class? Our reunion had a bulletin board where people could post messages. Maybe someone else had the same problem.

Boy, I didn't realize I'd get so many helpful responses! :) I'll respond to each question, so pardon me if I end up tacking a dozen responses on this thread. Thanks to every one of you! :)

Thanks--I sort of glanced at classmates.com a little while ago, but I'll try again. Good suggestion. :)

[rissole]

What a bummer! Have you tried looking at classmates.com for other classmates? You might be able to get some feedback from someone that way...if they attended, did the class photo get taken, anyone else not receive said CD, was the whole thing a rip-off and Ginger just collected $30 from former classmates?

Did you send your letters return-receipt or registered so you have proof she rec'd them?

Since you haven't had a relationship with this woman since HS I don't think it would be bad to confront her by phone...JMHO!

Yes, that Web site sounds like a good place to get feedback from. No, I didn't send anything registered, etc., because she's always been trustworthy in the past. :( Makes sense about the phone call.

[rissole]

Maybe it's just a style thing, but I'm really surprised you feel this strongly about it, that you're afraid you'd get into a "shouting match" if you called her. How baout "Hi, I know we haven't talked in a long time, but I'm wondering wehre the CD is?" It seems like you're reading an awful lot into the situtation if you automatically expect her to reply to that with screaming. Honestly, if you're truly contemplating charging her with CRIMINAL FRAUD over a $30 check assocaited with a class reunion, then to me it sounds like htere's a lot more history between the two of you than you claim. jmo

I feel so strongly about it because not only it is dishonest, it's unbelievably rude! It's like a total slap in the face. It really isn't the money as much as the insolent treatment. As far as a shouting match, I remember in the 8th grade when I tried to collect some money from one of my classmates that she'd pledged me in a band marathon. Even though I was polite, she got so rude with me it was shocking. And people can be like that over such trivial matters, so I'm just being cautious. No, we've never had a bad history, which makes her behavior all the more puzzling.

[rissole]

Call her now. Note all communications with her whether by phone, letter, etc, so you have a paper trail. Send any mail certified with return reciept, for verification. Get a copy of the cancelled check. Let her know that you have it and want the cd or the money back in 7 days, be specific. If it isn't rectified you can always take her to small claims court.

Yes, it is frustrating. Thanks for these practical steps.

[rissole]

Anything could be going on in this woman's life that is preventing her from prioritizing this project (illness, personal problems, accidents, any number of things.) Please, please don't jump to conclusions, be patient, and be kind when you call her.

Good luck. I hope you are able to get this resolved peacefully.

Thanks--that all makes total sense. :)

[badunnin]

I feel so strongly about it because not only it is dishonest, it's unbelievably rude! It's like a total slap in the face. It really isn't the money as much as the insolent treatment. As far as a shouting match, I remember in the 8th grade when I tried to collect some money from one of my classmates that she'd pledged me in a band marathon. Even though I was polite, she got so rude with me it was shocking. And people can be like that over such trivial matters, so I'm just being cautious. No, we've never had a bad history, which makes her behavior all the more puzzling.

I can't believe you compared the behaviour of an 8th grader to that of an adult woman....

[rissole]

I agree with others here, I think you should contact her by phone.

She may be terribly embarrassed that things are taking so long to put together, and she may be putting off contacting the possibly many people who are sending letters saying "What's going on?" It may be easier to reach her by phone and ask her what's up.

Just contemplating going to small claims court for $30 makes me shudder!

I probably wouldn't ever take her to small claims court, but just putting a little fear into her couldn't hurt. ;)

[rissole]

I also had a class reunion this year (didn't go). I received several e-mails to order a cd and booklet, but not from anyone of my classmates that put the reunion together, but from a company that was doing the cd and booklet. I didn't respond to the e-mail, just deleted. Maybe that might be the case here, and Ginger might not have anything to do with it, and just waiting for the company to get the cd out to the people rather than having to answer all of those letters. Just a thought.

Interesting. OK, if that's true then she's still being rude, but at least that would help explain things.

[rissole]

While I would want what was promised me, ultimately, this would get filed in the "oh well, that's life" column for me and I would just move on and not participate anymore in any reunion type stuff.

Agreed.

I'm confused - if she's believed to be a pretty decent person, how did we jump to small claims court and a shouting match instead of "she must have had an incorrect address for me" or "gosh, I hope she's not ill"?

Well, lots of people I've known who always seemed "pretty decent" at one time later turned out not to be. :) She definitely has my correct address, because she requested that in the initial invitation and I've included it in all my letters. But you're right that she could be ill or something.

[rissole]

I can't believe you compared the behaviour of an 8th grader to that of an adult woman....

That was just one example. Just recently I politely tried to get a refund from a company for some faulty merchandise, and the woman on the phone became a total witch with me. I guess the "8th-grader" example came to me because that is from the same town where I went to high school.

[rissole]

I agree with this and others, give her a chance, even if she doesn't come through forget it.
I third the suggestion to try classmates.com.

OK.

Go to Judge Judy ;)

That could be fun. :)

[rissole]

There could be many scenarios with this situation. So it's anybody's guess. It can be frustrating.

Exactly.

else making the CDs. Chance are she's forwarding your request (and everyone else's) to the person who agreed to make the CDs. She may be as frustrated as you are.

Probably nothing more than that. Give her a call.

Good luck!


Thanks, yes, that could explain it.

OK, I'll stop boring everybody and go away now. Thanks again! :D

[jmarie]

I can't believe you compared the behaviour of an 8th grader to that of an adult woman

Bethany....you have never seen a woman act like an 8th grader...or worse?
I used to have an adult friend who was nothing but a spoiled brat who would make an eight grader look like a really mature adult.

It is possible!

joyce

[badunnin]

Bethany....you have never seen a woman act like an 8th grader...or worse?
I used to have an adult friend who was nothing but a spoiled brat who would make an eight grader look like a really mature adult.

It is possible!

joyce

To go into the situation EXPECTING that says a lot to me. I EXPECT adults to act like adults, and if I were to get on the phone to this woman, I would expect her to not act like a 13 year old.

[jmarie]

Could it be that she is subconsciously reliving high school dynamics? When one hasn't seen someone for many years, it is startling to realize that they are now adults. You expect it, but still comes as a surprise how people change.

Rissole already knows that there is something immature going on because the woman is not responding to her requests. Something that most adults would want to do.(respond to a request) All she is doing is asking for an explanation. Something is definately amiss here.

Just my 2 cents.