Bridal shower gift help needed!

[Laura B]

I just ran a search and went through the first four pages of results and didn't really see an answer to my question, which is:

What sort of gift do you give at a bridal shower? Is this when you give the wedding gift (eg, something you bought for the couple from the registry), or do you give a little something that is just for the bride and then later you send your gift from the registry? If it is just something for the bride, can you give suggestions?!

I offered up my apartment for a bridal shower for a friend/former co-worker because the Maid of Honor has a tiny New York studio apartment and needed someone else's apartment to use. So I am now kind of the co-hostess and I don't even know what the heck you are supposed to give at these things! (I didn't have one of my own, our wedding was tiny and we just didn't do all of the usual stuff.)

Please help! :D

[emncar]

I got things like nighties, bath products, candles, robes, pedicure items, etc. My hostess had a "pamper the bride" theme. This isn't where I got my wedding gifts.

[DanaSD]

Some bridal showers have themes like kitchen, bath or naughty - for the first 2 you would pick things off the registry. I usually pick something off the registry (something small, lower priced) and add something to make it a personalized gift. Especially because at the shower they open the gifts in front of everyone. I've bought dishtowels off the registry and then wrapped a Cooking Light magazine with a note that I bought her a subscription. Another time I bought a baking sheet or muffin pan and added a cookbook or baking mix.

bath stuff, robes, candles, are all popular bridal shower gifts if there is no theme.

[helios7]

Laura -

At most of the weddings I've gone to in and about NYC people choose something off of the registry for the bridal shower and then give cash/check at the wedding. There were several threads about the appropriateness of this, the regionality of wedding customs etc. etc. But both at my own wedding and the weddings of friends that I've attended, many people follow that pattern.

It's not an iron fast rule - but definitely a trend.

Don't know if that helps you much, but I thought I'd offer it up!

[Blissful_in_TX]

Like PPs said, sometimes they have a theme, such as kitchen/cooking, so you could buy a smaller priced gift off their registry.

This is usually different than the wedding gift itself. However I will say that where I grew up, the shower gift IS the wedding gift. Almost nobody who brought a gift to my bridal shower gave us a separate wedding gift. But I think that is the exception.

[Laura B]

This is very helpful. I do not think there is a theme as I have read the wording of the invitation and there was no mention. I know the bride and groom have registered at several places, one of which is WeddingGreen.com because they need money to remodel their apartment. It sounds like it would be appropriate to get a modest gift for the shower, either off the registry or just some nice candles or something, and then we can give them some money through their WeddingGreen account right before the wedding. Sound good?

[Peweh]

I know the bride and groom have registered at several places, one of which is WeddingGreen.com because they need money to remodel their apartment.

WOW I never heard of this site and just checked it out... I can't believe people use this, am I being overly sensitive or is it just tacky? Kind of implies the couple is too lazy to cash checks. But then, like Helios posted I come from an area where the shower gift is usually a small registry item and the wedding gift is generally cash or maybe a group like the bridesmaids going in together for a set of Calphalon, etc. so it could just be a regional perception.

[daisylover]

WOW I never heard of this site and just checked it out... I can't believe people use this, am I being overly sensitive or is it just tacky?

I took a look at it, and it reminds me of the honeymoon registry sites that are out there right now. The bride and groom can set up a registry where people donate money for the honeymoon. I think it's a little tacky because it's asking people to outright give money rather than a gift. But it's kind of like a modern day money dance, which many people do at their weddings, so maybe it's really a personal thing.

[stefania4]

I'll keep my thoughts on the appropriateness of such a site to myself (must... clench... teeth...), but if you want to give them a check then just give them a check. I've heard that some of these (must.... clench....) honeymoon registry sites skim a percentage off the top, and I imagine this would be no different.

As for a shower gift, I've had great feedback on 2 gifts. One was honeymoon stuff; they were going on an Alaskan cruise, and I bought them a guidebook, gloves, a disposable panoramic camera, a panoramic-sized picture frame, and a $25 gift certificate for film developing (this was in the pre-digital photography era). The other was for a couple who loved to entertain. I got the wine glasses off their registry, plus a bartender's guide, a pile of cocktail napkins that matched their dining room, and an appetizer cookbook.

[Laura B]

Hmmm, I guess it could be construed as tacky to have the Wedding Green account. I am so out of the loop about wedding etiquette, etc. that I didn't think anything of it. If we wanted to just give cash in an envelope instead of using the website, would we just hand that to the bride or groom at the reception? When? As we go through the receiving line? I am so clueless!

For the shower, I will go with something small off the registry probably. I noticed she has some cookie sheets on there, so maybe I'll get those and throw in a good baking cookbook.

[juliew]

Hmmm, I guess it could be construed as tacky to have the Wedding Green account. I am so out of the loop about wedding etiquette, etc. that I didn't think anything of it. If we wanted to just give cash in an envelope instead of using the website, would we just hand that to the bride or groom at the reception? When? As we go through the receiving line? I am so clueless!

For the shower, I will go with something small off the registry probably. I noticed she has some cookie sheets on there, so maybe I'll get those and throw in a good baking cookbook.

As for the cash at the wedding, my experience has been that there is a box of some sort on the gift table to put envelopes in. A couple of weddings we have been to the bride carries a bag around for the envelopes as she greets people at the reception. I guess you don't have to worry about theft this way, but I'm not a fan. I think this is more popular with certain heritigages than others.

[JJeannette]

I don't know how they do it in NYNY, but in the midwest, at the reception there is usually a table for gifts and on the table is a box or basket of some sort for cards and money gifts.

[Laura B]

Ah ha! A gift table. This makes sense. If there is no box for envelopes, I'll just ask the bride.

Thanks so much, everyone, for the input. I am not used to feeling so completely clueless, but about weddings I really am!!

[mom2garret]

I skimmed the replies so I may be repeating but, if there is not a theme for the shower you have many open ended things you can do. If you are giving something from her registry list for the wedding itself, I think you do no have to do something from the list for the shower. I would perhaps get a great bowl and make it a basket adding some pasta, pasta fork, maybe olive oil, etc...
You could do a pampering theme and get a gift certificate to a spa or nail salon and put it in the pocket of a nice robe.
You could do a nice frame with a note the can personalize it with a lovely picture from the wedding.
You get the idea................Good luck in choosing.
Jodi

[magdon]

I usually go with something more practical for the shower and something more glamorous for the wedding itself. Like juice glasses vs. crystal wine glasses.

Also, if you don't see a place for the envelopes, ask the bride's mom or the wedding coordinator or someone like that. The bride may not know where the table is (I know I didn't) and she'll probably be busy with photos, greeting people, etc.

[Peggy]

I usually go with something more practical for the shower and something more glamorous for the wedding itself.

That's exactly what I do. I like the cookie sheet and baking cookbook idea for the shower. Or a pasta pot with a pasta cookbook. Something like that. For the wedding I usually buy crystal or china from the registry.

Sounds like you are on the right track, Laura, and feeling more confident about what is appropriate. Have fun at the shower!

Peggy

[mayre]

I've always given household items for showers (everyday dishes, sheets, towels etc) and given special items for weddings (crystal, china, silver). Most couples here register at a place BB&B, C&B or L&T, and then at Marshall Field's (now Macy's :mad: aargh) for the things they'll mostly never use :rolleyes:

[Angelina]

Shower Gift - pick from the registry.

Wedding Gift - Check or Cash. Usually there will be a mailbox thingie on the bride's table where you can drop your envelope (with a nice card in it and the cash or check). Also, if you are doing cash, keep the envelope unsealed till the time comes to drop it in the box, so you can take out a few $20's if the food is better at White Castle and/or the band sucks.

JUST KIDDING!!!!! :D :D

Angela