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Thread: How to tell "friend" no, who constantly asks for favors (inappropriately, imo)

  1. #1

    How to tell "friend" no, who constantly asks for favors (inappropriately, imo)

    Help!

    I'm a single mom who lives in an apartment complex with another single mom. Her son and mine are in the same class at school. My problem, she constantly asks for favors by prefacing the ask with the phrase, "what are you doing today, tomorrow, whenever?" I think it's rude, because she then puts me in the position of telling her my business (as though that should make a difference), before I answer yes or no. It is possible she doesn't know better--what do you all think? I just feel that if you want something, you should come right out and ask, and if the giver does or doesn't want to give, s/he will or won't. Right? Or, am I completely off base?

    Thanks very much,

    nbmom

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Apr 2002
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    San Francisco
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    19,680
    I refuse to answer that question (I mean "What are you doing Thursday?" not yours! ). I just say, "What's up?" Because you're absolutely right.
    Happiness is not a goal, it is a byproduct. - Eleanor Roosevelt

  3. #3
    I would respond with a very neutral "Why are you asking?" And then look at her with a very pleasant but expectant face and wait to hear what she says. That way she won't feel like you are insulting her or cutting her off, but you'll get an idea of what she really wants.

  4. #4
    Join Date
    Jun 2000
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    20,853
    I'd probably be vague and say "the usual" or someting and then ask "what's up?"

  5. #5

    Thanks for the excellent advice!

    Canice, Pam and Beth,

    Thank you all for the advice. I will try this .

    nbmom

  6. #6
    Join Date
    Jan 2003
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    Southern California
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    1,114
    I'd go with what the others have said, never telling what you are doing. Either, "The usual" or "have to check my calendar, why?" Putting it back on them is always a good thing!
    Lori

    _______________
    Letting my inner Deb Morgan out.

  7. #7
    Join Date
    Sep 2003
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    Right where I want to be
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    Anytime someone asks me that, I always say something like, "You know, just busy, busy, busy. What do you need?" That way, if it's something I want to do, I can say, "Sure, I have time for that." If I don't, it's an easy out.

    If I'm really sick of the person, I just say, "Why do you ask?" It's almost impossible for them not to tell you at that point.
    Okay...it's time to pull up your big-girl panties and get on with it. (Seen on a bathroom wall.)

    Visit my blogs: Cooking the Books

    For recipes only, visit the companion blog: Cooked Up.

  8. #8

    Thumbs up How to say no without feeling guilty -- Read it!

    Even though you are not "DOING" anything, you need to NOT do anything sometimes!!!! Don't let this "friend" intrude on your personal time. You should read the book: How to say no without feeling guilty!!!!! It is very good and has many comebacks when people "put you on the spot". It's very liberating to say no just to say NO sometimes. Your time is yours!!! Treat it that way. It's a great book and runs anout $12.00 new, I found a used copy on amazon for $2 and passed it on to some friends of mine who needed it after I read it. -Debbie

    Viva e lascia vivere - - - Live and Let Live

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