Timely Appointments

[jmarie]

I have a friend who is chronically late. Today I called her at 11:30 to invite her to lunch. Line was busy. she called me back at 12:04. I had made a sandwich, but told her why I had called...she really wanted to go to lunch. So, I told her I could accompany her and just have tea. Agreed.

She had to shower and would be right up. It is now 2:08, by my clock. , and I haven't heard from her. This wouldn't bother me, except that it is a regular routine. I decided a long time ago, that she is a dear friend and so I wouldn't allow it to bother me...but at times it does get annoying. Once we arranged to go Christmas shopping. We had agreed to leave early that morning, she called and was on her way at 4:30PM.

I cannot say anything...would not say anything because she always feels badly about being late...but I was wondering if anyone could explain chronic lateness to me...what is it that a person who is chronically late, does with that extra time.

[stefania4]

I've stopped allowing people to tell me that their time is SOOOO much more valuable than mine. Here in Atlanta, I always give it 15 minutes because of our ungodly traffic and construction. But if someone is chronically and acutely late, I'll finally just call and say "I'm sorry we missed each other. I need to move on with my day - let's reschedule."

[badunnin]

I've stopped allowing people to tell me that their time is SOOOO much more valuable than mine. Here in Atlanta, I always give it 15 minutes because of our ungodly traffic and construction. But if someone is chronically and acutely late, I'll finally just call and say "I'm sorry we missed each other. I need to move on with my day - let's reschedule."

I definitely agree. If she was truly sorry about being late, she wouldn't do it again.

[Robyn1007]

I agree. She's taking advantage of you and you need to tell her that you can't put your life on hold to wait for her. Her chronic lateness is just plain rude.

[jmarie]

Well, she just called and apologized and said that she needs to check her checkbook online before she comes to make sure that she isn't bouncing any checks. And that she can't talk while she does it because she can't do two things at once...which makes me think she is reconcilling her statement.

I guess she figured that this time, since I have already eaten, there is no hurry. and I did design another form that we have to use with our company and made some copies while I waited...bit it can be very irritating. I have tried cancelling before and she really does get so hurt.

And now, like when school is in session, there are things I just have to say no to because I have to stay on a tight schedule.

I guess that is what they do, they reconcile their bank statements! LOL

[aggie94]

I put these kind of people in two camps:

1) Those who are self-centered and think their time is more valuable than everyone else's; and

2) Those who are completely clueless and ignorant and things like time just do not occur to them.

Both camps, IMO, are rude, but I do find that there are often different reasons for why people are chronically late.

[badunnin]

I guess she figured that this time, since I have already eaten, there is no hurry. and I did design another form that we have to use with our company and made some copies while I waited...bit it can be very irritating. I have tried cancelling before and she really does get so hurt.

But, see, she assumed that you had the time. She didn't think (or didn't care, to cover both of Eva's camp, and yes, both are rude) that you might have something going later. It doesn't matter that you were able to use that time. She was making assumptions about your schedule.

[Robyn1007]

I have tried cancelling before and she really does get so hurt.

I think if you cancel a couple of times due to her tardiness she will get hurt in the short run but stop treating you so poorly in the long run. If you continue to let people in your life walk all over you and be more important than you then they will take advantage of it.

[stefania4]

Well, she just called and apologized and said that she needs to check her checkbook online before she comes to make sure that she isn't bouncing any checks. And that she can't talk while she does it because she can't do two things at once...which makes me think she is reconcilling her statement.

Personally, I would've told her that she should've called me BEFORE she started tending to her personal financial affairs, not after.

[ChristieinMB]

Her "hurt feelings" are just control, she doesn't care about your feeling, she is just rude. Politely tell her it is too late, you want to reschedule. If her feelings are hurt that is her problem. Next time make a clear time with her, then after fifteen minutes go on your way.
You don't need to return rudeness, but you also needn't be a doormat.
Are you worthy of more consideration? If so, let those around know that.

[SDMomChef]

It can be frustrating, but I've gotten to the point that I bring a book with me everywhere, and so if somebody is late, I take advantage of that time. On the other hand, there is a limit - I will wait up to 30 minutes, and after that, I leave and re-schedule.

On a related note, I remember that I used to be SOOOO annoyed at one of my friends who had a DD the same age as my twins - I would always manage to make it on time with my two babies, and she was usually late trying to get her one baby ready. If I could do it with 2, it always baffled me why 1 was supposedly so much more work. Sorry - I digress!

[Jessnc]

I have a good friend who has the late problem. I also consider her to be a very selfish, self-centered person. I have come to accept that she is this way. Heck, she lives in Brooklyn and she is here in NC on vacation and didn't bother to tell me she was here. I found out through her Myspace site. Every time I was headed into NYC I would get in touch with her to see if she wanted to meet up. I don't think she'll ever change. I do like her good qualities and we've been friends for years.

If I'm running late, it's usually because I started to get ready too late. I try not to let that happen too often. I don't like to be late or keep anyone waiting.