Job Search - moral question

[tbb113]

As some of you know, I work for a very good friend who has gone out of her way in training me as a geriatric care manager after I decided I wanted to do a career change.

I have worked for her for approx 14 months and the last couple of months have been rocky. She has some cash flow issues and isn't handling the stress well She has decided to cut my hours (which I COMPLETELY understand) but the underlying feeling in the office is that neither of us is completely happy with the status quo.

So...on Friday I noticed two job openings that I would be qualified for and I applied to both of them. I didn't tell her since I figured if I didn't hear from either of the companies, why rock the boat. I did hear from one of the companies today and I have an interview scheduled on Friday. If this was a normal boss/employee relationship, I wouldn't mention it unless I got an offer and I was accepting the position. But this is a friend...and I don't want to blindside her. But I also don't want her to feel like she should be replacing me either or that I want to quit working for her. I don't work for her on Fridays so she won't know unless I tell her.

So...would you tell her about the interview?

[funniegrrl]

If you both understood that this position was temporary and your goal had always been to leave, it would probably be OK to go ahead and tell her. But, I've rarely seen a situation where telling that you were interviewing was a good move. What if you don't get this position and it's months before something else comes up? If you want to keep working for her until you have something definite to go to, I think it's better to just keep it to yourself until you have an offer. This isn't unethical, even with her being a friend. Just give her adequate notice, whatever you and the new employer are comfortable with. That's all anyone can expect, and you are guarding against a potentially uncomfortable situation.

[Molli526]

I agree with Funniegrrl.

Why rock the boat when you are only interviewing.

[LakeMartinGal]

Friend or not, telling her while you are interviewing could change your relationship, and give her more to worry about. While I hope you get a job offer, if you don't you'll be saving her a worry she doesn't need! If you do, that'll be time enough to have a difficult conversation with her. HTH

[Gracie]

I agree as well. Right now it's just an interview (but good luck if you like them!).

There will be time enough to add to her stress if in fact you like this position/company and decide to leave.

Loren

[Jewel]

You are friends, but you work FOR her...you have two distinct relationships. If this person was not a friend outside of work you wouldn't tell her about the interview, so I wouldn't do it now. It's difficult in these situations to keep these relationships separate, but you must. Good luck on the interview!

[SDMomChef]

I agree with the other posters. You do not have a moral or ethical obligation to tell her that you are interviewing for another position. If you get the job, I might negotiate a later start date so you could give her a longer notice to smooth the transition. Good luck!

[ChristineVA]

I was recently in a similar situation but not quite the same. I have been working for the same company for 15 years. In that time, my boss and I have become more of "friends" than having a "boss employee relationship." He's definitely what I now consider a friend. Back in Sept. I was offered a chance to apply for a hard-to-get position with the federal government. It offered me so much security that it is a no-brainer that I would take it.

I really grappled with the decision of whether or not to tell my boss(friend). You see, I was supposed to be taking over for him when he retired this year.

In the end, I decided not to tell him that I was applying. There was a good chance that the job would *not* work out and then I would be left with him, my friend and boss, thinking that I was always looking for greener pastures. There would be no way that he would not feel that way and I think it would color his impression of how serious I was taking my current position.

As it turned out, I did get the job (I start next Monday) and I did have to eventually give him my notice which was difficult. He understood. I did apologize for not filling him in on it but felt that it was a business transaction. He was fine with it all.

I just would not tell her because if it doesn't work out for you, she's always going to be thinking "she's trying to leave" and they can't help but feel a tad bit betrayed.

[blazedog]

No -- she obviously doesn't have compunctions about reducing your hours (and income) as your employer -- just being a little in your face to make you realize their are two relationships on BOTH sides.

If you get the job and agree to accept it, then tell her and give her adequate notice.

I think people often think they are completely irreplaceable in terms of giving notice (not saying that you are) but in every work situation I have been in employees come and go -- sometimes their replacements aren't as good or I haven't had the same relationship, but in the end, the work gets done.

[buffygirl]

I see I'm the lone ranger. I voted yes, but not because that is what a friend would do. I voted more because it could possibly act as a wakeup call to your friend that she needs to re-think how her business is going.

I recently experienced something somewhat similar. I didn't tell my boss before I went on an interview, but I did tell him afterwards. I ended up negotiating a great deal with my existing company.

[tbb113]

Thanks for the input. I'm not going to tell her and if and when I get the job, I will give her adequate notice.

The plan was always that I was going to leave her business. She is a professional fiduciary and the original plan was that I would become one also and she would send me referrals. But given some comments and changes in the law, I don't see me becoming a fiduciary in the near future (if at all). She knows I need more income and while she has been extremely generous with her time in training me, etc. I know that she feels that I'm taking advantage of her. it is really time for us to part company if we want to salvage the friendship part of the relationship (I do and so does she). So, hopefully the interview will pan out and she won't be hurt that I didn't tell her in advance (always a possibility with her).

[tbb113]

Change in plan...we had a big discussion yesterday about a whole bunch of work related questions. Some where in the discussion she point blank asked me if I was looking for a full-time job...and I told her yes and told her about the interview. She looked suckered punched (which is what I figured her response would be), but we really are friends first so she does understand and will help in any way that she can. I think yesterday was the first time she really 'heard' my financial issues, and since she can't remedy that, we are moving ahead with me looking and working for her. I know that she will always be there as a support/mentor/friendly ear and jobs will come and go.

Now...wish me luck tomorrow

[Canice]

I'll wish you luck tomorrow, Tyra! You're in a tough situation, no two ways about it, so good for you for looking for a solution and being respectful of your personal/professional relationship with your friend.
I really hope all works out for you.

[Lauren]

Well? How did it go????

[tbb113]

It went very well. I have a second interview next Friday (where I get to role play selling their services to a client). Then there is a third interview after that!

Hopefully it will pan out since as much as I want to believe my friend is handling this well, in reality she believes I'm on my way out and is already cutting her potential loss. I'm sorry it looks like it is turning out this way, but I wouldn't lie to her outright.

[Lauren]

Tyra - glad to hear it went well and you're going back. Is it a job you think you'll enjoy?

[tbb113]

Yes, I think the job will be a good fit for me and I would enjoy it. It would entail some selling/closing where I would go out to a senior's home and spell out what the company can offer them in companion care. Then once a month I would visit every client to make sure everybody is happy with services being provided, see if client is failing and needs more support, see if caregivers following rules, etc.

[Lauren]

Sounds like something you would enjoy. Sort of like a care manager that sells! Would your territory be close to home? Sounds like you would have some flex with your schedule.

[tbb113]

Exactly the position! And even better it is all selling to people that have already called the agency since they know they need help. The main office is about 25 minutes from my house and their current clients are primarily in a radius around them ... so not to far from me. They are slowly moving north into Contra Costa County...which would put them at my doorstep

I NEED this job....so I'm hopeful that the interview on Friday goes well

[Lauren]

I hope you get it!!!!!! Are you still working at Target?

I feel for you, as I was out of work for a year. It was great being around, working out, baking, etc. But my shopping and decorating was greatly curtailed.

[tbb113]

Yep, still at Target and probably will continue even if I get this job. I've used all my savings and would like to rebuild a cushion (even a small one).

[LakeMartinGal]

Tyra, just wanted to pop in and wish you good luck on your interviews! I'll be sending good interview vibes to you! They'll be lucky to have you as an employee!