Mean people suck.
Last night the scale coughed up exactly .4 lbs for my Weight Watchers 100 lb celebration. Everyone was cheering, the leader had tears in her eyes and I was over joyed. When I finished speaking, a couple of women I have become friends with (in the 100+ club!) actually had tears in their eyes. I was walking on clouds and truly felt blessed.
That elation was killed in less than 10 seconds by a panhandler sitting at the subway entrance. As I walked by he said, "Spare some change for food? HEY FAT GIRL, YOU CAN SPARE SOME CHANGE!" I was too shocked for a smart reply. When you hear it happening to other people, it's so easy to give advice and rationalize that it has nothing to do with you. But even as my mind tried to work it through, the tears were running down my face. I have had comments made to me in the past, but for some reason the fact that a panhandler begging on the street could be in a position to insult *anyone* seemed even worse. And on this day. This day where I felt strong like an Amazon, I rode the subway home crying with my face buried in a book so people wouldn't see my humiliation and pain. Maybe it was that man, maybe it was a reminder of other rude comments in the past. Perhaps it was the flashback to my mother who when I lost 70 pounds congratulated me by saying "Well, you've been up and down so many times, it's really hard to tell" and when I showed her the "before" picture (obvious proof right?) she said, "pictures can be deceiving you know."
Thanks Mom. Thank you nameless beggar. Thank you for reminding me that no matter how much I lose, mean people still suck.
I've updated my website. My dearest cutie in the whole world forced me to last night when all I wanted to do was hug him and cry. It made me feel better though I'm still feeling sort of weary and sad today. I'm hoping that with time, a trip to Tiffany's for my bracelet, a weekend in New Orleans and the support on this board that I can forget the street incident. That I will remember I can do anything I put my mind to. That I am blessed, beautiful and strong like an Amazon.