Nice way of saying "no more gifts, please"?

[misskitty100]

I rec'd a gift from someone I am not close to this year for my birthday. Last year she/they didn't give me a gift and I took that to mean we shouldn't bother exchanging gifts any longer so I did not give a gift to her for her birthday in March. Then this year she does the gift thing again.

This is someone on DH's side of the family who has told me in the past she doesn't enjoy shopping for gifts for other people. I also know they don't have extra money and have a hard enough time providng shoes/clothing for their own children let alone buying me a gift. We are not close at all and see them less than a 4 or 5 times a year.

How can I communicate to her in a nice & gracious way that we should just stop the pointless gift giving?

[Shugness]

I'm interested to hear what others have to say about this because I'm in the same situation at work - a coworker who started in May gave me a birthday present last month. Sidenote, she hasn't given anyone else whose had a birthday a present, just me but I assume its because we work closely together. We've never given presents to each other at work, and I'd like to keep it that way - for financial sake.

Her birthday is coming up in a few months - I hate to say this, but my solution is to verbally acknowledge her birthday but not give her a present. That sounds mean but I kind of feel like that will convey the message better and less hurtful than bringing it up face to face.

If I recall correctly somewhere like in Dear Ann or Dear Abby she said that a gift isn't given with the intention of getting one in return. That was in situations like at Christmas time, if your neighbor gives you a gift that doesn't mean you have to run out and get them one in return.

[pharmarepgirl]

I would just tell the person directly. I did this w/ a group of my GF's a few years ago. We always get together for bdays (and holidays) and I told them I did not want any gifts. That their time/ friendship was enough. (too cheesy, I guess?) Anyway one of my friends still said she wanted to give me a gift and I asked her instead to donate the money to a food bank/ charity/ etc.

Our gift giving had gotten outta hand and none of us really needed the gifts. I would talk to the person directly and tell them that is your request and that if they still feel they have to give you a gift,to honor your day w/ a gift to someone else in the form of a donation.

[SusanMac]

I don't have a suggestion for this conversation, but do want to offer that I don't think it's mean to not give them a gift in return. There are a few people that I occasionally buy gifts for, and honestly do not ever ever expect one in return. That's not what it's about for me. For my GF Jenny, if I see something I think she'd like & it's close to her bday, Halloween or Xmas, I'll pick it up & send it. It's rarely more than $10. It's just a thinking-of-you kind of thing. I do the same for my aunt. I honestly don't care or expect her to send me something on my birthday. It's not about that. I just find joy in it.

[Kate B]

I hope this isn't viewed as a hijack (not intended), but I'll be watching this thread for ideas as well. My situation is a good GF who lives in CA; I haven't lived there for over 15 years but we stay in touch. We don't visit each other or anything, just phone or e-mail. Each year we exchange both Christmas and b-day gifts and I would like to stop. I'm not entirely sure the things I send her are "her", if you know what I mean, and I'm certainly not being ungrateful, but my gifts are typically not "me" at all.

I understand the whole honesty/open communication thing, but she REALLY enjoys doing this, I think!

TIA,

Kate

[TKay]

We have a group of friends who typically gave us big items for gifts. The mom of this one particular family would purchase pricey remote control cars and games for our kids. It was really thoughtful of her, but we simply weren't in a position to reciprocate. The problem was that this was about the children. She said she didn't care, but I'm sure her kids did. They see my boys open extravagant gifts while they get what? Something far less?

Anyway, I hounded them for a long time to stop. I kept saying, Gosh, you really don't need to do that. And gee, why don't we just get together and let that be enough? The problem was that this friend really did enjoy the buying. I didn't.

Fast forward to a few years later and this group has finally gotten on board with the non-gift-exchange idea. It took some gentle pressing on my part though.

If you want to stop the exchange, you're just going to have to bring it up. If there is no plan to get together anytime soon, you might make a blanket statement to all of your family members. Do you communicate via e-mail or letters/notes/cards? You might just say that you've decided to cut back on the buying of things and focus more on being with family and people who matter. So when your birthday comes along, you'd prefer you do not receive gifts, but good wishes instead. And you plan to do the same for others.

Hope that helps and makes sense.

[armel]

I think you can tell folks ahead of time that you really don't want or need anything for your birthday.

And then if you still receive a gift, say "Thank You."

And if you don't want to give a gift, then do not. If the other person sees you not giving a gift s/he will either stop because s/he really didn't want to be giving gifts or will continue and you can just keep saying "Thank You".

I don't give a gift with the intent of getting something in return. Some years I give gifts, some years I don't. It is just how I feel. And I never require or expect a gift.