Advice for office situation, please? Gggrr!

[Joanie B]

I really need some advice, please, folks. You guys can always come up with the most helpful/creative/duh! solutions, so I'm turning to you for help. I have an office situation that just won't end. My officemate and I share an office that is a 9x10 closet (with 2 uselessly ginormous desks, one 2-drawer and one 4-drawer lateral filing cabinet, and a small visiting chair). We sit kinda back to back/side to side and literally bump chairs into each other sometimes. We can easily hear each other's stomach growl we are so tight in our office! Plus we sit near the elevator w/our door open, kind of as greeters (which I enjoy). When I want to listen to a news video or rewatch Chuck or whatever, 99.99999% of the time, I pop my plug for the earbuds in to not bother her w/listening to my interests or have the volume where I'm having to read lips. Even w/repeated hints and flat-out requests, she will not do the same courtesy. "Umm--I'm returning calls for the boss--would you mind listening to that twangy inspiring musical email w/the earbuds please?" Every single patriotic or inspirational/religious email she gets is blasted at mid-range volume; don't get me started on the "Donna Summer I Will Survive" Thanksgiving Turkey video email that we had to listen to during the entire holiday season (that thing surfaces EVERY Thanksgiving)! Video link on ADHD? Blast it, baby, cause it's important but we're not going to follow their advice anyway. Every Tuesday I had to listen to almost all The Batchelorette episodes as she watched (she can't get control of the TV at home because of her boys so can't watch there), plus get pelted w/"look at this guy? Do you think this guy is cute?" for all 20 whatever contestants, whether I wanted to or not. (One of her brats was out of school this spring (a whole 'nother thread there!), was brought in to work w/her, crowded in our closet w/us w/me trying to work, and they watched the latest Batchelorette--after repeated sighs and my yelling into the phone or at someone in the hallway to make my point that I was having to yell above the show, she turned and said, "Huh, are we bothering you?" "Yeah, trying to work here--could you use the buds?" "well, we both can't listen that way, can we?" In the mood for music today? Let's blast Kid Rock so the folks in the hall can hear it as well! It doesn't even matter that I have to listen to her spend 40-50% of her day (she only works 6 hours officially) on personal phone calls, that I can actually live with. We have been really good friends for a long time but she just doesn't have a clue about this! Or does and just doesn't give a dang. We enjoy numerous moments during the day of our doorway being a social gathering place, so we have distractions easily throughout the day. I just don't know what else to do w/o totally destroying our friendship and work relationship. Am I the perfect officemate? Oh heck no, but I am totally respectful of her considering our tiny confinement as far as noise or keeping what I listen to to myself. I do ask her to look at my screen occasionally at the funnies at Cake Wrecks or Go Fug, but not often, she doesn't have the same snarky sense of humor that I do and doesn't seem to enjoy those sites. If I'm sniffling thru a fond Tar Heel basketball video tribute during lunch, that could probably be annoying. I have asked nice and been in amazement about having to ask. What else can I do????? How do you make someone be more aware of this problem??
thanks in advance for ANY advice!
(Whew, dang, that loud email video this AM really set me off, didn't it?)

[cocoa'smom]

Annoying! I don't know what you can do other than maybe write a note to her explaining that you really love sharing the space with her but that you are not able to concentrate on your work. Putting it in writing will get the point across without possibility of her misinterpreting or thinking you don't really mean it. Ask her outright to use headphones. I saw some the other day (can't remember where) that allow two people to listen to the same thing (2 sets of ear buds) for times when her son is there. Maybe give her the note along with some brownies or some other treat. If she gets mad, I think it is her problem, not yours, and she'll probably get over it. Sounds like you have a lot of leeway in your office. Worse case scenario, you may have to go to your boss which would definitely affect your friendship, but you may have no choice.

[hollysmom]

Could you start with looking around the office for some smaller furniture - so you could get further away from each other? Then purchase some earbuds with better noise reduction so you are only hearing your music, etc....it's a start.

SSM

[HejazSunKat]

Since you have tried addressing this with her directly and she is either clueless, stupid, inconsiderate, passive/aggressive or all of the above and refuses to alter her behavior I would explain the situation to your supervisor or hers in order to get someone with authority to either intervene by speaking to her or have one of you moved though if the management lets her bring her child to work (what kind of company do you work for? ) I don't hold out much hope for you there. You've got a sticky one. Is it possible for either of you to work remotely?

[cocoa'smom]

Could you start with looking around the office for some smaller furniture - so you could get further away from each other? Then purchase some earbuds with better noise reduction so you are only hearing your music, etc....it's a start.

SSM

Good idea. Get yourself some noise reduction ear buds and listen to your own music while you work. That's what some people in my office do to drown out a loud co-worker. Not a perfect solution, but might help somewhat.

[Goin' Coastal]

Watching TV shows on company time?!? I see it as a management issue - it sounds as if she spends most of her day on personal things rather than actually working.

[TieKitty]

Watching TV shows on company time?!? I see it as a management issue - it sounds as if she spends most of her day on personal things rather than actually working.

Having been an office manager at one time I am shocked that this behavior is tolerated. If it happened on my watch she would have been written up and fired if it persisted.

In our company outside websites were blocked from being used on company time (except the ones pertinent to our business).

And a "social gathering place"? Give me a break!

[Robyncz]

I'd ask her again. Clearly.

"Please use headphones (earbuds, whatever) when you listen to audio of any kind. It is the only way I'm able to communicate and/or concentrate and get my work done. I promise to show you the same courtesy. If you can't, I'm going to have to talk to a supervisor about it, because it's impacting my ability to get my work done. I don't mean to be a pain in the butt, but honestly, this is the only way it's going to work."

Then, if she doesn't start using headphones, take it to a manager. End of story.

Her behavior is unprofessional and ridiculous!

[Joanie B]

These are all great suggestions, unfortunately, we can't do anything about our furniture or location in our tiny closet. No working from home options either. I don't/can't listen to music during the day (just too distracting for me), I just pop in the earbuds during breaks/lunch if I want to listen to a news clip or something. Maybe a Bose filter headset, $$! I'm on the phone and up and down and greeting people too much for that, tho. I'm just going to have to do what Robyn and Cocoa'smom advise, man up, and very clearly once again ask her to use the plugs if she wants to listen to those noisy musical emails cause I don't want to hear them. We work so closely together, this issue just seems like such a no-brainer to me as unacceptable office etiquette, especially between friends, that's the problem I'm having w/o smacking her upside the head with my frustration. I can't figure that she's so--clueless, yes, I think that's really it, thanks for the insight--after repeated direct requests, sighs, leaving the room in not-a-happy-way during the entertainment, etc. I've even played news clips w/o the buds to show her how it feels, but obviously that doesn't work. I can only hope she'll get it this time--or I'll trash the computer speaker.

We have had a totally relaxed situation for far too many years. There have been holiday weeks when we had 10 kids on the floor out of school and had no where else to go, or if they're too sick to go to daycare/school and there's not another option, they come to work, the old daycare scene. Good for those who need to use it, not so good for getting much done those days. It's just the way it is--totally not standard procedure elsewhere here (Most of the kids have been well-behaved thru the years, btw) We are w/o a true direct day-to-day manager right now, but the former one could come down hard when she wanted to--if she were still here, I think she would help me in this if I asked her to (she liked me), by popping in, saying "I can hear that down the hall, what are ya doing, knock it off?" She was scary enough, that would work. Maybe.

TieKitty, it's not like we're pulling out lawn chairs and popping a keg during the day, gosh, people just stop by long enough for a how you doing, how 'bout them Heels, did you make that recipe, see What not to wear last night.... I've been lucky enough to have only 1 job my entire life where almost everybody was miserable and unfriendly--I got out as soon as I could. I can't imagine not having some brief social contacts during the day.

Thank you all for your input, wish me luck in trying again.

[leebee]

If she's a good friend, she'll take the very direct approach in stride. Not gentle requests/reminders. A direct, "Look, I just can't handle this anymore!" And also, look at it this way--you probably spend more time in the office with her than socializing (outside of work) with her. Your work relationship has to take the primary importance here.

[funniegrrl]

People don't take hints, or observed modeled behavior -- good or bad -- or exasperated sighs. People don't understand anything but direct, explicit statements, and even then it's hit or miss. A serious, non-distracted conversation, NOT done in the heat of the moment. "You're going to have to wear headphones if you want to play audio. I cannot work with the noise, whether it's music or anything else." Don't even bring up the fact that you always use them, the point isn't to compare courteousness, it's to get her to stop the &#^#! noise.

This is why some companies don't put audio cards in their computers ... Even so, in a lot of companies any sort of audio sans headphones would be expressly forbidden.

[halohalo]

People who act like this usually continue doing so because no one tells them what they're doing wrong. How about you try setting her aside one day and talking honestly about her behavior?