For parents of little ones - dinner-time ground rules?

[veschke]

So last night for a change it was mommy who had a meltdown (mommy being 8 mo pregnant, the end of my tether is not so far away as usual). I've decided that it might help all of us if we actually set down and discuss some rules for how we're going to conduct dinners.

The main issue here is our 6yo DD, who is not unusual in her picky ways, as far as I can tell, but we haven't always dealt with her as well as we could.

1. Dinner is dinner. Eat it or don't, but I'm not making everyone something different.

I worry that she's going to end up eating nothing. I recall someone once suggested including bread with dinner so there will always be at least one calorie source she'll consider acceptable.

2. All food must be consumed at the table.

Or at least somewhere near it?

3. Once a week she'll get to pick what we have for dinner.

This is going to mean a lot of pasta, I suspect, but it seems fair?

Anyone else have rules or tips they'd like to share?

[hrk]

It sounds like your ideas have you on the right track. We have very similar rules at dinner for our 7 and 4 yo boys.
Some additional thoughts:
My pediatrician told me to try and always put 3 things on the kids plate, one of which you know they will eat. This can be fruit, a vegetable, bread, pasta etc. I know they are not the healthiest options, but I kept packets of easy mac which are single servings of mac n cheese and would make that only for the kids to go with say chicken and a veggie.

The boys have to try at least 3 bites of something new. This isn't always easy to accomplish, but the more we enforced it the better they got.

If they get up from the dinner table it means they are done. And enforce it. If they get up, take their plate and put it away.

Give them the chance to take a time out from the table. If our boys are really crazy we ask them if they want to sit on the stairs until they are ready to come back to the table. They do go sit sometimes just to take a break.

Definitely let them pick the dinner one night a week, but give them options to choose from. We offer hamburgers, tacos, etc things we know they like and they really like getting to pick dinner one night a week.

Dinner can truly be crazy some nights and it is certainly OK to lose it, but we have had some success making things better with these rules.
Heather

[LaraW]

I think you have good rules too. We serve one dinner, and that's it. My 4yo has become increasingly picky, and sometimes he does not eat. He always eats a good breakfast and lunch and so I don't worry so much about dinner if he does not eat.

I will occasionally ask the kids if there is anything in particular they would like for dinner during the week, and try to accommodate that within reason. My DS would eat hotdogs and mac and cheese every day if I let him.

I don't know the things you typically serve, but I have had a pretty good deal of success serving things "deconstructed" for my son. Such as soup he often gets without broth, on a plate, and the parts of it are separated. He also gets a small bowl of soup all put together. Stir frys I have served separate with rice, veggies, and meat. That kind of thing.

Another thing we have done to prevent dawdling at the table is to set a timer. When it goes off, the meal is over and we're done.

[Jessica]

I think you have good rules, too. I hadn't thought about letting the kids pick a dinner--I should try that. We serve one dinner and I only offer another option if I accidentally make the food too spicy.

We usually have bread and butter or a veggie or fruit that I know the boys like. I ask them to try a bite but don't push food beyond that.

I think the key is endless repetition. The rule is the rule is the rule. Both my boys have had nights when they did not eat dinner and unless your ped is concerned about underweight issues, that probably is OK.

I have no idea how to contain the dawdling. I eat too fast because my parents ate fast and so I like that the boys can linger, but an hour for a piece of chicken and some broccoli seems extreme!

When one of the boys gets up to play, the plate is cleared and dinner is over. DS2 is very serious about his food and stays at the table--DS1 needs reminders. We are trying to institute "may i be excused?" to clarify that the child in question is done eating.

I have to tell you, most of the kids I know who only eat a few things have parents who are willing to offer alternatives at dinner. I am sure there are exceptions to this, but I definitely see a pattern. I was not willing to be a short-order cook. I do offer a couple of options for breakfast and lunch, but I do easy things like sandwiches, oatmeal, toast, etc.

With a few exceptions, we do not give dessert as a reward. If we have dessert (sometimes fruit, sometimes a treat), the boys can have it if they eat even a little dinner. But we do not always have dessert and if they eat a cookie or whatever and are still hungry, we go back to the chicken and veggies, not another cookie. We talk about foods that are fun and foods that help you grow big and strong.

Hang in there--late-stage pregnancy is tough and you need to do what works for you right now.

[Jessica]

Oh, I meant to say that we deconstruct like Lara does. I offer pasta with or without sauce, stew ingredients cut up with minimal gravy, etc.

[Goin' Coastal]

I used to tell them they needed to take one bite for every year old they were of foods "they didn't like." I NEVER commented on how small the bites were, and sometimes it was amazing how little they got on their fork! That said, one grew up to be a very adventursome eater, and the other one is still picky. (And she is now a registered dietician )

And neither one has a weight issue - both are healthy weights and exercise.

[veschke]

Thanks for the suggestions! These are a lot of good ideas. I think I'm going to put a list on the refrigerator to remind me (and DH) to be consistent about things.

I may need to rethink my menu planning process a bit, too -- the "deconstructed" idea is a good one, I think. I already give her pasta or chicken or whatever without sauce when I make that; maybe I should try to make more things that can be served that way. And maybe more salads? She'll eat raw veggies sometimes, not always, though not any kind of dressing. She's not medically underweight, but she's a skinny kid (takes after her dad).

I appreciate the responses!

[LaraW]

T I think I'm going to put a list on the refrigerator to remind me (and DH) to be consistent about things.

We have our table rules posted on the wall next to the table. Things that we are having to remind the kids, such as sitting properly in the chair, using the silverware, etc.

You might get her to help with the wording of the rules. If she feels like she had some say in setting the rules she might be more inclined to follow them.

[LakeMartinGal]

We always had "May I please be excused" and they had to try foods, but 1 bite was sufficient. We let them pick a meal a week, but it had to be approved by everyone, so no peanut butter sandwiches for dinner, etc.

I have to say, I'm not touting my ideas as gospel, because both my girls are obese in their 30's, but I like to think it was the college junk food that did it... but then we all like to think our examples were not the problem. You are all way more thoughtful about it than we were... and the dessert not being a reward is Key!!! Y'all are great parents!

[tbb113]

I used a 'good manners' candle for a while. The candle was lit at the beginning of meals, if someone had bad manners, the candle was blown out. When the candle was all used up, they got a special reward (fancy dessert, going out to eat, small toy, whatever will motivate)

[Jessica]

I used a 'good manners' candle for a while. The candle was lit at the beginning of meals, if someone had bad manners, the candle was blown out. When the candle was all used up, they got a special reward (fancy dessert, going out to eat, small toy, whatever will motivate)

That is a really good idea!

[veschke]

Thanks everyone for the advice! She had "deconstructed" fried rice for dinner and even ate two bites of bok choy with minimal complaining. I don't think I ever would have thought of doing that!