How to help a family in grief?

[foodfiend]

My friend's father-in-law died suddenly on Boxing Day. I'm only glad it didn't happen on Christmas. Anyhow, I want to help them out. They have three school-age children and are both busy professionals. Usually I'd cook but the grandmother lives nearby and cooks often for them anyway. Plus they don't live near me, and it would be hard to transport because I don't own a car. I think they have a cleaning lady. I'll go to the funeral, but it's extremely stressful right now, and I'd like to give concrete help. Any suggestions?

[Hollie]

Maybe if you could help entertain the children for even
an hour to give them a break. Or to take a special
coffee or treat?

[heavy hedonist]

or ask them if there are any chores/errands you can help with, a list of people to call; maybe they could just use some getting-out-the-door help in the morning! it's tough, when you don't have wheels-- i'm not much mobile myself. you may have to frankly just ask them, Hey, what do you need from me? i'll do it if i can.
or, you may have to wait and offer help when they need it later.

[LakeMartinGal]

If you could house-sit during the funeral, that'd be a help. Or just let them know you're thinking of them.

It's hard to think of things for people to do to help, when you're in the midst of the issues surrounding sudden death. Any chore you can think of to take off their hands would probably be welcome... "How about if I....." is better, IMO, than "What can I do?"

Sorry for your friends' loss.

[jmarie]

I remember when a friend's husband died. She shared with me that the children were feeling strange, it was a difficult adjustment from going to having a dad, to not having one.

I took the children out, one day before lunch, allowed the youngest to choose where we would have lunch and the older one to choose where we would have dinner. We spent the entire day doing things that they wanted to do. We were in a neighboring town, where they knew no one and they could just be themselves. We had a really good time and it gave their mom some time to do things she needed to do and some alone time to deal with her feelings.

You are a good friend to want to do something at this most very difficult time.