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Thread: I need to whine/vent a bit, please

  1. #1
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    I need to whine/vent a bit, please

    I have had several issues that I have been sitting on for quite a while. Today I just had to vent. First off, I can't get a break in the pet dept. I have had one sick cat after another and one with mental issues and one dying. Of course, vet thought she'd be dead last year...but anyway. The stress of having a cat with cardiomyopathy and not knowing if she's going to be dead when I come home or be in respiratory distress is very hard. Three times now I thought I was going to have to take her in but her breathing got better.

    Today my DH took one of my younger cats to the vet. He's really sick. Apparently they think he has another case of mycoplasma. They put him on 2 antibiotics so that makes 2 cats on antis and 2 on drugs every day. I feel like a pharmacy. My 17 y/o has started howling and wants to eat constantly. He's due for bloodwork and my 15 y/o is hungry too and she just went to the vet and had bloodwork so there's nothing wrong with her but kidney disease.

    Then there's the family/friend issues I have been stewing over. I have a friend who is about 12 years younger than me. I only bring that up bc she's been in a different place in her life up until about 3 years ago. She finished her master's program and is studying for her CPA.

    However, she still behaves like I am her personal chef, her boyfriend on occasion - when we go out to eat, she doesn't offer to pay her share or when we ask, doesn't have cash - and I am never the beneficiary of any of her work perks. She calls her other friends. I am starting to feel used. In the past I didn't mind having her over -- a lot, sometimes 3 times in one week - and she never brought anything with her. Even my DH noticed it. She pleads poverty but buys clothes/shoes online a lot, takes trips to Mexico and makes about 80k a year.

    Then there's the stepsisters. Both are lifetime students. SS1 has been in school for years and works and keeps changing what she wants to do. Quite honestly she has the personality of a toad and doesn't care for authority. She's very smart but I just don't see her doing anything - she has quit pharmacy and nursing school and still doesn't have a degree in anything.

    SS2 is in her second year of law school. Both have come and gone from my dad's house on multiple occasions and both are over 30. Neither one of them Ever volunteers to (a) ever cook or bring anything unless it's something vegetarian she wants to shove down us (b) or something They want.

    My stepmom has allowed them to just treat her as a personal servant all these years but I don't appreciate it. They don't lift a finger - the only thing they do is bring their dish to the sink and that's it. It SO annoys me but that's what my stepmom has fostered.

    I am hosting Easter this year and the moochers are coming. Do you think I have heard anything from them, if they can bring something? Nope. Not a word. Am I surprised? No. It's just like they expect my stepmom and I to always do for them yet they never even act like they appreciate anything. I remember one thanksgiving SS1 and her GF came, ate and left 30 min after the meal. and that same Thanksgiving both SSs comandeered my iPad and spent the whole time on the sofa playing games.

    I know there's really nothing I can do but it makes me feel better just venting it out. We all have family stuff that annoys us. This is just some of mine.

  2. #2
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    If anybody ever needed to vent you are the one! Having so many pets with serious health issues at the same time must be exhausting. Hosting Easter for moochers on top of that

    Regarding the friend, I would like to quote a newspaper clipping I've saved:
    "... read her nutritional label; friends with a low decency content need to be treated as junk food, not as the stuff that sustains you."

    (((luv2cook)))
    We give dogs time we can spare, space we can spare and love we can spare. And in return, dogs give us their all. It's the best deal man has ever made.
    -M. Acklam

  3. #3
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    I have nothing to add other than I feel your pain. I do hope you find that inner calm to help you through Easter dinner.

  4. #4
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    So sorry for the kitties. Would it help to plug in a Feliway diffuser just to calm them all?

    As for the family things, vent away- we all have our need to unload sometimes. I endorse the suggestion to assign contributions to those who should have happily volunteered. Perhaps have a dozen dyed hard boiled eggs in the fridge and the makings for a salad for that "just in case" moment if they all show up with nothing?

    I'm sure that you have had conversations with the SSs. I catch myself expecting people to know what I want when I've never told them. Then I get mad because they didn't pick it up from all the angry vibes I sent out.

    Good luck and...Happy Easter.

    Patt
    With all of our running and all of our cunning, If we couldn't laugh, we would all go insane...
    "Changes in Attitude, Changes in Latitude" Jimmy Buffet

  5. #5
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    OH, man, things just keep getting worse. I came home today and Riesen looks even worse than he did yesterday and he was doing this like hiccup/cough thing and I could see his second eyelid.

    I had received a phone call from the vet this morning that is CBC came back with high white cell count and he wanted to do an x-ray. SO when I got off work, I made an appt for 4:30.

    However, when I got home, I saw how bad he was and I am going in at 2:00. Can't go before then bc they are in surgery. I feel so bad for him. He looks miserable. My other cat, Kirby, the 17 y/o is going to have to go this week too. He is just meowling and is asking for food all.the.time. I am wondering if he has developed hyperthyroid. Sigh......................................... $210 in drugs yesterday. I SO feel like a cat pharmacy.

    Oh and thanks for recommendations for about family. I did come up with an assignment for the moochers. They are to bring a gift for Ruslan for Easter or his birthday, whichever, a small gift to remind him of his time here in the U.S. Neither one of them can cook worth a **** and I don't want store bought crap.

    And my stepmom does contribute. She always brings something even when I tell her not to. She's making dessert - she does awesome banana splits with homemade chocolate sauce and she alwys picks the best fruit. I have been begging her to make these forever.

  6. #6
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    So sorry about your kitties! I feel your pain. It sounds as though you've made a few strides in the family department -- good for you! And feel free to vent! We're here for you!
    Kay
    I'm a WYSIWYG person -- no subterfuge here!

  7. #7
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    Well, since I am going broke in the vet bill department, I thought I would just go ahead and throw in a cardiologist for my "dying" cat. She continues to amaze me by chasing things occasionally and she actually initiated play last night and chased one of the kittens. She actually plays too. Why not see if there's anything else to help her.

    I still haven't heard from my stepmom tho.....hmmm.

    Tomorrow we see an internal med doc who will perform an endoscopy. Oh, his WBC was 24,000 (no, that's not a typo) and his neutrofils were like 1200. They gave him 2 shots - one for the air in his stomach from all the hiccuping and one antiinflamm. SIgh...............

  8. #8
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    You are the definition of Good Family, you know? They are all lucky to have you.

  9. #9
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    I have started to reply several times. I've been there -- last Thanksgiving and Christmas were painful and I vented with the family members I was least upset with. I wish I had words of wisdom that would make it better, but family is complicated and the situations are never easy.

    I was there with the kitties last year too. We lost ours at 17+ and nearly 19 just a few months apart. I became a regular at the compounding pharmacy. No magic words here either -- but I understand what you are dealing with. Hang in there. Hope you get some answers today.

  10. #10
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    thanks, you guys.

    Well, I STILL don't have any answers. They have done more x-rays, blood work, urine, ran 2 more tests that won't be back until tomorrow. This internal vet is thinking he's trying to puke and it's not respiratory, more stomach/intestinal.

    The ultrasound saw abnormal clumping in his intestine that could explain the gas that was in there. But for some reason they don't want to do the endoscope yet (I forget exactly). They didn't see anything that was obstructing but something is def not right. They are going to treat for worms and parasites and give him a GI "protectorant" and start him on another antiobiotic and some GI food and see if he has any positive changes by tomorrow. The tests are supposed to be back. His fever is gone but his temp is still high normal.

    on the family front I finally called my SM after not hearing from her and she said she didn't like my idea and she didn't like the way I worded it. really? I told her it was less than the equivalent of a side dish and she agreed with that and apparently SS1 is into Easter and is allegedly going to call me.

    All this stress has given me a coldsore! TG I have antivirals. Those things are wonderful.

  11. #11
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    Quote Originally Posted by RiverFarm View Post
    What was there about your idea and/or the way you worded it that she didn't like? Doesn't she agree that it's time for the moochers to pony up a bit?

    Poor you!
    They are her kids. Of course not! I said: "I have an idea. This is what I would like L & A to do" and then I stated my idea which was for them to bring my exchange student something U.S. Eastery. They don't celebrate Easter in his country. I thought it would be cool.

    If I had said "do you think" "could they" then they would think it's optional and being a moocher isn't optional at my house.

  12. #12
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    Quote Originally Posted by RiverFarm View Post
    Oh, silly me; I thought that since SHE was very helpful and always contributed, she might have noticed that her thankless offspring did not, and possibly find that embarrassing. Oh well. So how did you handle it when she balked? I might have said, "Oh, I thought they wouldn't want to come empty-handed and I know they don't like to cook side dishes."
    I just said that it was less effort than a side dish. another intersting thing is that she forwarded my email to SS2 and said she would "call" SS1 which I took from that she thought SS1 wouldn't like it (remember those authority issues and being told what to do) At least that's what I got out of that....so I am sure she was really surprised that SS1 was so eager....ha!

  13. #13
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    Good grief, no wonder you need to vent! I think that tonight you should have some wine to go with that vent and try to relax a bit.

    I am so sorry about your pets. It is so hard to watch them be sick when they can't tell you what hurts and what doesn't. I hope the vet can find some answers and successful treatment soon.

    As far as the family issues... ...how ungrateful and childish can they be? You didn't word the request properly? Really? Sounds to me like a passive aggressive way to tell you they are not bringing anything, to never ask or expect them to bring anything and that they expect to show up with a fully catered Easter celebration without a peep from you. At this point I think you are justified in canceling the entire thing, your cats are too sick to have company over and you just simply cannot do it this year. Then cook for those who appreciate it and are pleasant to be around. I'm not sure I could get through the day without some serious resentment or a blow up about the entire rudeness of it all.

  14. #14
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    I did have some wine last night and apparenlty did a bunch of yelling when we were goofing around bc I don't have a voice today LOL

    Riesen is a tiny bit better. He didn't come out of the anesthesia very well and ended up in ICU. Surprise surprise. Not.

    They did the endoscope but couldn't look at his colon bc of all the poop in there. He's had diarrea. His stomach is bloody and he has ulcers there and his intestines were inflamed and kind of fell apart when she took samples. He has a swollen area at his throat. The biopisies come back Monday. He's in pain and they noticed when they give him pain meds, he stops the open mouth breathing. he's on an IV right now but he's not eating. He has devloped ulcers in his mouth from being sick.

    Kirby spent the night in the incubator too. Thursday night my exchange student gave him Missy's heart meds by mistake. HOW he could, i have no idea bc he's the one who has been putting the capsules together for her since he's been here. Nothing else looked the same. Anyway, Kirby had been acting weird anyway and I was going to take him in. His blood sugar was 43! he's diabetic and he's never been low, always high. of course he was dehydrated - duh. He got LASIX by mistake.

    Vet called this morning and he's much improved and he doesn't think it's his time yet and won't put him down. He says he has a plan but idk what it is bc the other vet called at the same time. I will find that out when I pick him up today.

  15. #15
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    Oh, d@mn! It just doesn't stop, does it? I'm so sorry! I hope everything turns out ok... (((((luv2cook)))))
    Kay
    I'm a WYSIWYG person -- no subterfuge here!

  16. #16
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    nope. it's not. Went by and saw Riesen. He's on painkillers and has ulcers now in his mouth caused by stress/pain. He did eat but he's still on IV. He purred! He was happy to see us. BUT that was the drugs keeping him comfortable. Off the drugs, he starts to open mouth breathe.

    Kirby was sent home w/a bag of fluids, an appetite stimulant and a low dose of steroids. The other option was just way too expensive. We shall see. Sigh.......................

  17. #17
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    Oh, I'm sorry! Poor kitties, and poor you! Have you canceled Easter dinner? I would.
    Kay
    I'm a WYSIWYG person -- no subterfuge here!

  18. #18
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    Unhappy

    nope. there's nothing I can do and it will keep me busy; however, I just cannot seem to get a menu together.

  19. #19
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    Oh no. Not the update we were hoping for. Does the vet know how long they can keep the cat comfortable?

    Forget the menu, order takeout. (((hugs)))

  20. #20
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    Well, i never heard from SS1 or SS2 yesterday. surprise surprise. Oh, well. Don't care anymore. I have my menu done and I am about to go downstairs and finish it up.

    Vet just called. He's doing well. He's eating and they have taken him off IV fluids and are going to switch to oral meds and cut down on his pain medicine to see if he can maintain. However, he hasn't pooped since Friday morning. The vet is concerned and is going to give him until tomorrow.

    I forgot to mention in my previous e-mails that they're treating him for Helicobacter. It's the same thing that humans get - it causes ulcers. However, because he's on pain medicine, who knows if it's really working or the pain meds are just making him feel better? We don’t know. His mouth ulcers are getting better due to pain management. I forgot to ask if he was sneezing or coughing. ****.

    She told me if he does well on oral meds, he can come home tomorrow. I sure hope they get his results back before I take him home.

    Happy Easter!

  21. #21
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    Thank you.
    I made a cucumber feta/calamata olive/sundried tomato app that neither my DH nor I like. Good thing i made 2!

    MY SSs are so far behind in the real world of living....and they haven't been taught to be considerate. When they get here, I will say nothing to them about it and I will hide my iPads.

    You know, the last time SS2 was here she brought her thank you card work that she was going to do and sat at my bar with stamps and glue and stuff and worked on them. I was like wow. Whatever.

    I miss my baby. He's SUCh a sweet cat. They all love him down at the hospital. He'd be a good therapy cat.

  22. #22
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    Quote Originally Posted by RiverFarm View Post
    Anyway, enjoy; I'm sure the meal is for everyone and not just for the two evil moochers, and I'm sure everyone else will love it and be most appreciative.
    oh, SS2 is a vegetarian by choice. I don't cater to that - call me a bioch if you want - but I fix what I want to fix and she NEVER offers to bring anything so she can starve or eat beforehand if she doesn't like it. I overcooked my greenbeans bc I was on the phone with the vet hospital so instead I am serving a spinach salad in its place. I don't want to waste the greenbeans so I need to figure out what to do with them....I was even going to make them with veg broth vs. chick but that's out....OH, one time my SM brought mushrrooms as an appetizer bc SS2 didn't like deviled eggs and that was my app.....and I thought it was bc she was being nice!

  23. #23
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    Are you and ChristyMarie in the same family??? Good thoughts for your kittie, and for your family dinner!
    Kay
    I'm a WYSIWYG person -- no subterfuge here!

  24. #24
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    Dinner went fine. everything was good. Turns out both SSs live within 3 miles of me bc they have moved. They are both shacking with their respective partners. (follows mooching protocol.) the BF of SS1 has offered to fix our chairs in the kitchen. Curious to see if that happens. SS2 talked about taking my exchange student to the museum or trivia night on Tues. Will see about that.

    The culture my vet did last Tues came back today positive for: Pasteurella, moraxella, and an enterobacter. I hven't looked them up yet so I have o idea what they are....treatment is Clavamox and apparently he's already on that.

    They switched him to all oral meds and decreased pain med and he's still eating but has not had a BM. They don't seem too concerned about it bc they said he was cleaned out pretty good. however, I am with the ileus but whatever. I will bring him home after I hear about the biopsy results.

  25. #25
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    Wow, that sounds like some nasty infectious stuff going on. Would that be caused by eating something he shouldn't have? Maybe that's a dog thing - never worried about what my cats would eat -- more what they wouldn't eat if they got in a mood.

    I'm glad that sounds both treatable and responding to treatment. Hope everything is normal with the biopsy results.

    We gave ourselves a treat and met my dad for breakfast and then worked in the yard in the afternoon. It was a pretty day for it and it felt good to get some of that done. We didn't host anyone, and that break felt good too. No one else would step up -- we knew that, but the break was nice.

  26. #26
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    Quote Originally Posted by RiverFarm View Post
    At least they know what to treat your kitty for!

    Glad dinner went well. Did SM bring anything? Hopefully the SO will follow through on the assistance re chairs and SS2 will follow through with your exchange student, since no help was forthcoming for the meal!
    He apparently has already been on Clavamox. However, there is something else going on that we just don't know yet. They asked me if I was good with shots so I suspect they are going to send me home with a bunch of meds. I made an appt for my 10 m/o at 2:45 to see about his issues.

    SM brought dessert. however, she only brought one ice cream instead of 3 and 9 people ate a whole half gallon of Bluebell so no one got any extras.

    SS1 and 2 brought kid basic candy, nothing special about it. should have known. SS1 and 2 expected to be waited on and when I asked about drinks they put in their order and I said, "Oh, here's the ice, pick a glass you like and here is everything you need." Ha!

  27. #27
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    Quote Originally Posted by Beth View Post
    Wow, that sounds like some nasty infectious stuff going on. Would that be caused by eating something he shouldn't have? Maybe that's a dog thing - never worried about what my cats would eat -- more what they wouldn't eat if they got in a mood.

    I'm glad that sounds both treatable and responding to treatment. Hope everything is normal with the biopsy results.

    We gave ourselves a treat and met my dad for breakfast and then worked in the yard in the afternoon. It was a pretty day for it and it felt good to get some of that done. We didn't host anyone, and that break felt good too. No one else would step up -- we knew that, but the break was nice.
    Quite honestly I would have loved to have gone to a park yesterday. It was SO nice. Dh worked in the yard and so many things have been breaking around here, he's always fixing something. the kid keeps breaking stuff too. He broke 2 of the chairs that need fixing, our table underneath got slammed into and cracked and broke, the fridge pantry thing broke agian, this time on the other side, and we cant find out glucometer!

  28. #28
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    Sounds like you need to take some time to rest and regroup. Tell them now -- you are not doing Mother's Day!

  29. #29
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    Glad it went reasonable well! Still keeping good thoughts about your kitties.
    Kay
    I'm a WYSIWYG person -- no subterfuge here!

  30. #30
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    Also wondering if there's a kitty update.

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