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Thread: Gift for newly widowed friend?

  1. #1

    Gift for newly widowed friend?

    She is an old co-worker, and I'll be seeing her soon. She lost her husband to cancer, and she is in her late 60s. I was thinking of getting her flowers, but maybe she's had enough of that. She will get a sympathetic ear from me, but I'd like to give her something. She isn't openly sentimental but would appreciate a gesture.

  2. #2
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    Your friend sounds like my mom, who was 68 when my father succumbed to cancer (just about 2 years ago). An ear, a presence, is a wonderful gift. A friend of mine got my mother a gardenia plant, which was dad's favorite, and she really appreciated that.
    There cannot be a crisis today. My schedule is already full.
    -Henry Kissinger

  3. #3
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    Having been there, take her out to dinner. ANYTHING to take her mind off of her loss for a little bit. And instead of flowers, how about a nice big box of chocolates?

  4. #4
    I agree with cookieee as I think the gift of companionship is more valued to a bereaved person than a *gift* unless it's something that has some kind of emotional resonance beyond showing that you care in the generic sense.

  5. #5
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    I agree with Cookieee, too. A day or evening out with friends is a wonderful gift. A book or something for her hobby would be fine, too. I have a friend going through this right now, and she has asked to go shopping and out to lunch. And, be ready to have it called off if she's having a bad day -- and reschedule!
    Kay
    I'm a WYSIWYG person -- no subterfuge here!

  6. #6
    Quote Originally Posted by LakeMartinGal View Post
    I agree with Cookieee, too. A day or evening out with friends is a wonderful gift. A book or something for her hobby would be fine, too. I have a friend going through this right now, and she has asked to go shopping and out to lunch. And, be ready to have it called off if she's having a bad day -- and reschedule!
    I do think it's important to let the person relax and feel whatever they are feeling.

    When I grieved, it was most difficult to be around people who attempted to cheer me up and/or I sensed wanted to *know* that I was doing fine.

  7. #7
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    Quote Originally Posted by amarante View Post
    I do think it's important to let the person relax and feel whatever they are feeling.

    When I grieved, it was most difficult to be around people who attempted to cheer me up and/or I sensed wanted to *know* that I was doing fine.
    Dear amarante, so sorry you had to go through this also.

    Here is why I suggested chocolate.

    http://www.huffingtonpost.com/john-r..._b_825978.html

  8. #8
    Quote Originally Posted by cookieee View Post
    Dear amarante, so sorry you had to go through this also.

    Here is why I suggested chocolate.

    http://www.huffingtonpost.com/john-r..._b_825978.html
    I am a little to good about self medicating with chocolate. It's my joke to doctors that they don't have to worry about my becoming addicted to pain killers/mood drugs because I am already addicted to chocolate chip cookies.

  9. #9
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    Maybe a gift certificate for a nice mani or pedicure, for when she feels up to a bit of pampering?

  10. #10
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    I was widowed (cancer) almost four years ago at the age of 57. I think the best gift you can give your friend is to spend time with her. Go shopping and out for lunch, or go out for dinner, if that works better for you. Just be with her. Widowhood is lonely business.

  11. #11
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    Quote Originally Posted by mikesmom View Post
    I was widowed (cancer) almost four years ago at the age of 57. I think the best gift you can give your friend is to spend time with her. Go shopping and out for lunch, or go out for dinner, if that works better for you. Just be with her. Widowhood is lonely business.
    Dear Mikes Mom. I am so sorry that you also have to go through this This is also the time where you find out who your friends REALLY ARE. Like 3 years ago when I had cancer. A "friend" drove by my house every day on her way home from work. No, she didn't stop

  12. #12
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    Quote Originally Posted by cookieee View Post
    Dear Mikes Mom. I am so sorry that you also have to go through this This is also the time where you find out who your friends REALLY ARE. Like 3 years ago when I had cancer. A "friend" drove by my house every day on her way home from work. No, she didn't stop
    Cookiee: Thank you. I am so sorry you have been touched by cancer. I agree that you really do find out who your friends are when you go through something like that. Cancer is a beast. I hate it with every fiber of my being.

  13. #13
    Quote Originally Posted by cookieee View Post
    This is also the time where you find out who your friends REALLY ARE. Like 3 years ago when I had cancer. A "friend" drove by my house every day on her way home from work. No, she didn't stop
    I agree with the many posters above. The absolutely hardest gift to give is your time and it is the one most appreciated. My friend right now is in a rough patch with a very handicapped husband and I try to take her out to lunch every week if possible. It is a total waste of real time for both of us but lets her live in the "real" world if only for a few hours.
    "When you are in love with someone you want to be near him all the time, except when you are out buying things and charging them to him." Miss Piggy

  14. #14
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    Quote Originally Posted by heavy hedonist View Post
    Maybe a gift certificate for a nice mani or pedicure, for when she feels up to a bit of pampering?
    I like this idea but I'd invite her to come along and pick up the tab so they both could enjoy it plus spend time together.
    You can't drink rum on the beach all day if you don't start in the morning.

  15. #15
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    Tandem bicycle?
    Ping Pong table?
    Paddle boat?
    One of those "horse" Halloween costumes?
    Tango lessons?

    That's just off the top of my mind.
    More calm, cool, scathing logic that drives women crazy...

  16. #16
    Quote Originally Posted by Escher View Post
    Tandem bicycle?
    Ping Pong table?
    Paddle boat?
    One of those "horse" Halloween costumes?
    Tango lessons?

    That's just off the top of my mind.
    Is this an example of cool, calm scathing logic driving women crazy....

    Based on your posts, you appear to be a completely boring/bored male who appears to derive some kind of satisfaction from attempting to be provocative.

    This was a serious question and it certainly didn't deserve this kind of ridiculous response.

    I am reluctant to post this since I know that your intent in posting such a patently offensive and ludicrous post was to get attention and I thereby have satisfied your stupid desire - but I couldn't help but take the troll bait.

  17. #17
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    Quote Originally Posted by Escher View Post
    Tandem bicycle?
    Ping Pong table?
    Paddle boat?
    One of those "horse" Halloween costumes?
    Tango lessons?

    That's just off the top of my mind.
    Shame on you.

  18. #18
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    Having just spent a week with my mom, who was widowed in her late 60s, I agree with the suggestions of spending time with her. For my mom, I think Saturday nights are the absolute worst time to be alone. She would love it if she was invited out for dinner and a movie (or even just dinner).
    <)>>< Candace ><<)>

  19. #19
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    Kudos to you for being there for your friend. A lot of people disappear during a loss.

    I'm in a grief support group right now, and for a lot of us the most helpful things are little outings - lunch, coffee, the museum, etc. Some extra support over important dates - birthday, anniversary, holidays - is wonderful, too.
    "Why should you go to jail for a crime someone else noticed?" - attorney Bob Loblaw, Arrested Development

    "Spend time with your kids so we don't have to" - Florida Dept. of Juvenile Justice bumper sticker

    www.nostinkycheese.blogspot.com

  20. #20
    Thanks. I've lost family members, so I understand the grieving process. Unfortunately our society doesn't have a lot of rituals or traditions that respect it. Many people seem to think you should "get over it" after a week or so.
    There were people who disappeared on me too. My respect for them disappeared at about the same time.

  21. #21
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    Adding - in terms of an actual gift, how about a nice journal? They can be very therapeutic, both in the writing and in looking back 6 months later and seeing how far you've come.
    "Why should you go to jail for a crime someone else noticed?" - attorney Bob Loblaw, Arrested Development

    "Spend time with your kids so we don't have to" - Florida Dept. of Juvenile Justice bumper sticker

    www.nostinkycheese.blogspot.com

  22. #22
    Quote Originally Posted by foodfiend View Post
    She is an old co-worker, and I'll be seeing her soon. She lost her husband to cancer, and she is in her late 60s. I was thinking of getting her flowers, but maybe she's had enough of that. She will get a sympathetic ear from me, but I'd like to give her something. She isn't openly sentimental but would appreciate a gesture.
    Help her to embrace her new life. Encourage her to reconnect with her friends and community and be sure to let them know how she is looking forward to learning new skills. Take her food, visit with her. Invite her to your family's events, holidays etc.

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