Frustrated...

[jmarie]

Maybe I am just sick and tired. I go to the DMV Office and I am greeted by glaring hateful women. I have seen friendly people go in there and in a year I go in and they are just like the rest.

Same way with the Court House, when I have to go in and get Summons for Unlawful Detainers...I am met with a particularly condescending hateful woman. I hate it when I have to deal with her, today walking out crying. (because I took her condescending attitude to heart)I just don't know why I let her get to me like this , today.

And now it is this awful person, at the Post Office, who always seems to be working the front desk, anymore.

I dealt with all three on a continuing basis and just don't get it. My tax dollars help to pay their salaries...their tax dollars help to pay my salary. I wonder how they would feel if their child had a problem on the bus and they approached me about it and I treated them the way they have treated me.

I'm wondering, should I fight fire with fire and just start treating them in the demeaning fashion that they treat me, (and I assume others as I have heard others talking). Can I get arrested for giving them attitude? I'm not talking about a fight...just attitude.

Still angry.

[wallycat]

Having worked in a "public service" job, let me just explain that the people that come through there can sour anyone. The workers are exposed to negative people who shout, scream, condescend to them daily, hourly, and this is the job they are stuck in, for better or worse. I am not saying it is a proper way to treat people, but when you are routinely treated like a "public SERVANT," at some point, there comes some resentment. I am sure this doesn't happen all the time, but more times than not.
I am not trying to say it should be like this, but it is what it is.
Sadly, these employees cannot say anything back in their defense, and that resentment festers.

You should not take it personally. Instead, you should be grateful you have a job you love; do your business and move on.
Perhaps it is too simplistic, but it will save you your sanity.

[Shugness]

I'm wondering, should I fight fire with fire and just start treating them in the demeaning fashion that they treat me, (and I assume others as I have heard others talking). Can I get arrested for giving them attitude? I'm not talking about a fight...just attitude.

Still angry.

I work for a state agency and the behavior you have described would get me in very, very hot water if a citizen/customer reported it to my supervisor, or someone higher up the ladder. That's what I would suggest you do. It seems to have more merit if you send it in writing and copy more than one supervisor/department.

And for the record, I've been spoken to very hateful at my job and I have very limited recourse. I suppose if they were threatening or extremely loud the police could be called and have them removed, but that would get ugly and probably end up in the media. You should just call them out - tell them that you're a tax payer, you know their agency is partially/fully funded by taxes, and you do not appreciate the attitude and poor customer service they are providing. That may get them to do a 180.

[PurplePotato]

I think it depends on how much energy you want to put into this. You could take the time to talk to or write their supervisors. I'm honestly not sure how far that will get you though. Could lead to more frustration.

I often find that acting like their rudeness doesn't exist and treating people like that with sugary sweetness confuses them. Then they either respond in a more polite manner or it royally p!$$ses them off. Either way is ok with me. Or maybe it just doesn't take much to amuse me...

[JulieM]

I agree speaking to a supervisor is the answer. I had a nasty run-in with some sort of assistant manager at the post office a few years ago, so I complained to the office that handles the region. I received a personal call from the postmaster general for that station and was given his personal cell phone number in case I had any other problems! Apparently they post office takes customer complaints pretty seriously. Unfortunately, unfriendly and rude clerks are becoming more and more the norm at the post office and other government run agencies.

I also agree with ChristyMarie that being overly kind and friendly sometimes shakes them out of their attitude. Alternatively, simply asking them if something is wrong can open a dialogue where you can say something about it, hopefully in a kind way.

If we all simply ignore it and go with the flow, the flow will continue to be unpleasant for everyone!

So sorry these people are getting to you to the point of tears! ((((jmarie))))

[jmarie]

Thanks to you all. I appreciate your advice. I have to go back to the court house Friday, so I will determine at that point my course of action. I have SO many reasons to be blessed, that I don't need to be allowing hateful people for whatever reason to be stressing me out.

I understand what they have to put up with...and as for my job, I choose to make it enjoyable..... even on the days that the kids hand me lemons, we still somehow make lemonade, by the end of the day or week.(length of punishment by sitting in front seat) I CHOOSE to forget what happened the day before and greet my students with a smile, the next morning. I CHOOSE to be nice as opposed to being grumpy and miserable acting... I am the first and last person these children see of their school day.... I have the ability to make or break their day....So, no I don't get why someone who has had a bad day gets to take it out on the next customer who walks up. Everyone needs a smile. no matter how happy or sad you are. Maybe it takes a lot to amuse me.

[amarante]

Personally I would let it slide since it's only an occasional interaction that you have with these people. I wouldn't want to take the time or trouble or let it infect my life after I've left that person to do more than just shrug it off. If I were working with that person constantly or their attitude was preventing me from accomplishing what I needed to do, it would be different but I would go crazy if I followed up with every person who annoyed me in casual interactions.

I know I have been a beeyutch on occasion when dealing with customer service people or other front line people when I have been trying to correct something endlessly to no avail and then the last person has to do with me when I feel like my head is going to explode from frustration at dealing with the situation because the people weren't smart enough to understand the issue or didn't have the authority to remedy it.

But back on public service, I have had good luck with my post office people for the most part although post office people do have a reputation. I must admit it is frustrating as heck to be on line and one of them goes on a break or mysteriously disappears for a bit unlike Trader Joe who often send out a new cashier when the lines get long but then I realize that they have to adhere to whatever staffing and schedules are set down so I just chill out and listen to my ipod.

It's been a long time since I've dealt with motor vehicle people although their surliness is the stuff of legend and stand up comedians. At least in Los Angeles, you now make an appointment and a lot of stuff can be done on-line so the past few times I've been to the DMV I was shocked at how - almost pleasant - the experience was.

[bob1212]

According to me, you should forget about what they did to you or the way they treat you. Start behaving in a very friendly way. Have friendly chat with everybody. This might kill the hatred in them against you and they may start treating you in a friendly manner. Otherwise, ignore peoples who are making you feel bad.

[jmarie]

Start behaving in a very friendly way. Have friendly chat with everybody.

First of all you're a spammer. Secondly, this is what ticks me off, you are nice as can be to these people and you STILL get walked on. Do you think I'm going in acting like an arse and expecting them to be nice in return. REALLY?

Best advise, always from a spammer.

[wallycat]

Here is another place to practice the Buddhist equanimity.
Buddhists say that we are all alike and have the same angst, love, pain and joy. Perhaps when you interact with someone hateful, do not hate them back, think about a time/day when you felt down and out and unintentionally lashed out at something/someone. We all experience it. If you accept that they can have loving kindness, then you accept this is one off day they are having.
To get upset over someone elses bad day does not make your day better, nor theirs.
This too shall pass.
If this same person is always surly when you go there, instead of resenting them, Buddhists would say to have compassion for them because clearly, their struggles are harder than yours. Is it fair that they do this? No. Is it compassionate to accept that their anger is not specifically directed at you, but rather at a bad fate/experience they are having??
Do not let their anger and sorrow become yours.