Dividing My Mom's Personal Belongings.

[jmarie]

I plan to make it as easy as possible. Because of all of the antagonism towards me in the past, the brother who is in my corner is going to be the spokesperson for our little group of two and I will just back him up.
Another brother told me a few years ago, when he was trying to get my mom to sign over her house to my sister; "You are the black sheep of the family, when you moved an hour down the road, you gave up all rights to have any opinion of what goes on over here."
Well, I shoved back and she didn't get the house. Black sheep, yeah right. specially after mom told me "Don't let her get this house....Don't let her."
I think things will be done reasonably. As I said before, I got some ideas for my brother to present as to how this will be done. You all gave me some good ideas. I appreciate you, more than you will ever know. Thank you, again.

[BucknellAlum]

You all are making me glad i am an only child, for about he first time ever

[jmarie]

Having siblings is only bad when one likes to stir the pot and is truly mentally ill and the biggest liar you ever saw and will stand square looking you in the face calling YOU a bold faced liar.

The family does not get together because they do not want to deal with her. If she has it in for someone, she will go to a function and deliberately run away, if that person approaches, in a very noticeable manner and deliberate way, making the person she was talking to feel bad.

Myself, , I am no longer going to tolerate her meanness because mom is no longer here to be the brunt of my sister's anger. Mom was the only person I was ever concerned about. Things will go nicely, people will be nice, or I will call and have a deputy sent over until things are finished.

That part of my plan is in place. The rest of your ideas will come when we get there. We can do this or this or this, unless someone has a better idea that they think will work for us, and then I will be open to that.

But who is in charge if selling the house? I know the executrix. gets 10% of the sale amount, so wouldn't she be in charge of dealing with and the selling the house? She claims to have purchased a house, and when she moves, is turning off the power and locking the door and leaving. I think that is something that should be decided that day, as well?

[amarante]

But who is in charge if selling the house? I know the executrix. gets 10% of the sale amount, so wouldn't she be in charge of dealing with and the selling the house? She claims to have purchased a house, and when she moves, is turning off the power and locking the door and leaving. I think that is something that should be decided that day, as well?

The executor/trix is in charge of handling the estate and all matters pertaining to it including selling the house.

The executor MUST act with fiduciary care towards the estate so as to maximize the assets and not permit the assets of the estate to be wasted.

There is of course the "reasonable business person's" standard of care so that an executor is not responsible if the stock market declines and so shares held by the estate are less in value. In other words, there isn't second guessing reasonable business decisions.

However, abandoning property as you have said your sister intends to do would be considered a breach of fiduciary interest as that is not something any reasonable person would do. They would either rent it or prepare for sale. Moreover, there is a duty to keep the property in good shape so I am not sure that closing it up without heat/electricity/burglar protection would be adequate.

If she walks away from it, you should go to the court and seek to have her removed as executor since she is breaching her duties as the executor. Given what you have written about your mother, I assume the house is the chief or only asset of the estate and therefore, your sister's only real duty would be to deal with it as a reasonable business person would - not abandon it.

[jmarie]

Thanks amarante. I appreciate the information!

[Kevlar]

It makes me so sad to read about so many unhappy families. I truly count my blessings for two wonderful sisters whom I love dearly. We were able to distribute our mom's things very amicably.
Joyce, I hope that things will go smoothly for you.
K

[Beth]

Joyce, Amarante covered much of iwhat I was going to say, but I also wanted to point out that you should be able to check country property records to see if any sale was recorded. There should be bank records backing up any sale and receipt of money as well. You don't have to take her word on real estate -- it has to be recorded.

Also, walking away from a house isn't that simple. There are still taxes and responsibilities that go with owning property.

Sigh. I hope things settle down and go smoothly for you.

[LaurenP]

My Grandfather had very little, just a few items that were important to him. He put tape on the back of these items with his childrens or granchildrens name. I got an old radio of his and a pair of scissors of Grams. That was 40 years ago. What a thoughtful man.

I am one of 5 children and my Mom had a few thing she wanted us to have and did not specify how to distribute. We got together, went through picture, picked out ones we wanted and made copies of many of them so that we could all enjoy. Other items,we put our name on thing we would like. And talked out the duplicates. We don't always agree on things, but we are always there for each other. There were no hard feelings.

Now we are helping my Dad with dementia. Not everyone lives close enough to help, some have other problems, but we all do what we can and it works. Not always as well as we might like but it works.

Memories are IN YOU. The things are just things. Go on and deal with/enjoy life.

Have a nice day, have a good life!

[wwhirledpeas]

I think mine is different than those previously mentioned.

My friend did something good - and all her siblings are still speaking to each other.

1) All the participants first set prices on all the items not junk. If there was a disagreement, the median price between highest and lowest was set.

2) They took the cash out out the Monoply game and divided it.

3) They drew straw to set the order of choosing.

4) Each chose and paid the cost of the item out of play money.

Everyone got an equal value. In her case the most valuable item actually went to the 3rd person to select because the first and second person felt it was more important to have a number of items.

Whatever you do, don't do what I did that was cause for my only bother and I not to speak to each other for 20+years....we decided to live together in the estate house till we could work it out. Stop laughing.

I am so sorry you lost your mother.

[jmarie]

Everything went well. My sister decided that everyone should just pick and choose and that if more than one wanted anything, there would be a lottery.

There were several things that I stated that I would like to have and she said that she would like them, so we would have a lottery. I didn't want to lose to her, so I said, "Nah...you can have it."

I went over with a list in my mind and I picked out that list first, and no one objected. YEA!!!! My oldest brother didn't fare so well with her, he lost two or three lotteries with her.

Papers to commit to selling the house will be signed by two siblings in a couple of days and the house could be sold as early as 1 month.

I was very cordial to my sister and she was to me. Things went so smoothly that one brother called me and thought maybe we had worked things out. Nahhhh.... Ain't gonna happen. But nonetheless it wouldn't have happened without your good thoughts and prayers.

Thanks for walking me through this thought process.

God is good.

[Beth]

Joyce, I am happy for you -- both that you got the things that were most important to you and that it went smoothly beyond that.

We were working on clearing my dad's house this past weekend. It became a 4 day process and I still have a few things to clear out and paint to touch up. It went about as well as it could have too. We close on his house a week from tomorrow.

[LakeMartinGal]

Joyce and Beth -- so sorry you are dealing with all of this! Joyce, it sounds like it went the best way possible for you. You were the bigger person in that situation, and it (mostly) went your way! Kudos to you!

Beth, I'm glad things are going as well as you could expect.

[mcgee]

Glad to hear it went well for you.

[jmarie]

Beth, my prayers go with you. Yesterday was SO hard. I was going through my mother's jewelry and I just cried as I remembered her wearing it. I most likely won't wear most if it, but still brought it home. She was such a stylish person in her day. There were pictures of her and me that I absolutely didn't remember, but we were having so much fun! And I am wearing her ring, even as I write.

Karen and Beth, and for anyone else going through this, I pray that it goes well for you. It can be easy or it can be hard and I am just thankful that it went easily. I am glad that I was able to walk away with what really mattered to me and those were the things I had given her that she appreciated and used, and now I can use them and see them and remember her.

Again, God bless you all.

[vbak]

joyce, I'm glad that things went well for you. It's so difficult to go through their possessions. Beth, thinking of you and how difficult it must be to clean out your dad's home. I think that one of the most difficult things for me was realizing I was it. I was no longer the daughter/child.

[jmarie]

[QUOTE=vbak I was no longer the daughter/child.[/QUOTE]

THAT was truly difficult for me. It hit me the day we buried mom.

It never occurred to me that I might even feel that way or that thought would ever occur. Truly difficult....and yes, I have good memories, but it ain't the same as knowing you will never talk again on this earth.

Love 'em (as much as you can) while you've got them, because once they're gone....

[karen w]

Joyce, I am so happy things went well for you. I hope it does for me as well but I am still at the point where I have many concerns. I will just have to see how things play out and I am not sure when it is going to happen. Anyway, glad you had a happy ending (as happy as this kind of thing can be!).

Karen

[Beth]

It is different for me, and I feel a little at odds in the same discussion with Joyce since my parents are both living.

They are still here, but things have changed so much. My mom is deep enough into Alzheimer's that I won't have a meaningful conversation with her again in this life and haven't for some time. She is here, but I miss her terribly and how I have ached and yearned to talk to her as I've gone through these things with Dad. She had his number, and I didn't think to ask what it was before it was too late. So we were moving my Dad and clearing the house, but I was missing her and it was her memories that got to me.

I was also stunned when I saw an ID badge with my dad's photo on it from just last year. He has aged a lot in that year or so. I kind of wish he had moved sooner and seen it more as freedom and not so much as one foot in the nursing home (he is in independent senior living but can move into assisted living on another floor in the same building if that time comes and they have one floor with memory care where I hope my mom will soon be). He didn't seem to go into it that way, but I think he is starting to see it now.

This morning, Dad called and told me he nearly called me in the middle of the night. That alert goes off and I asked him what had been wrong. He told me a lengthy somewhat disjointed story, but the bottom line was that he had the new sheets I got him on the bed, liked them and slept well (he apparently wakes in the early morning even when he sleeps well). He also told me that last night he was thinking that his apartment was feeling like home now and that it was a very nice place to live. That was HUGE!

Karen, I hope you are pleasantly surprised. ((( )))

[jmarie]

Beth, I am so sorry. Somehow, I missed the entire situation about your mom and dad. I understood about your dad, but missed your mom, I should say. I wrote in my journal last night how very blessed we were that mom's mind stayed with her all the way to the end. My heart breaks for you for that very reason. I saw the HBO Documentary on Alzheimer's and it literally broke my heart.
I'll be praying for you, Beth, every day...for strength. You are right.....what your dad told you this morning WAS huge. I could hear your sigh of relief as you wrote that.

Karen, I will be praying for you, as well. I so dreaded yesterday...now that is past.....So, I hope this, too, happens for you, so that you can get on with your process of grieving.

[Beth]

Thank you, Joyce. Alzheimer's is so cruel, but my mother has done so much better for so much longer than I would have ever expected (my MIL went quickly). She has remained sweet and happy. I consider the time and her nature both to be blessings. I am afraid that if it had been my dad that got Alzheimer's he would have been one of the angry ones, and that would have been miserable.

I really need to sleep, but I'm not sleepy. Bet I will be later. LOL

[Leslie Ferguson]

I'm glad things are working out and I pray those with issues still outstanding are better soon.

[swedish cook]

I'm happy for you Joyce.