New Funeral Trends????

[Soupandstew]

Over the last couple of years I have attended a number of funerals and noted some disconcerting trends.

First, at several funerals the printed service bulletin told not just the lifestory of the deceased (born in wherever, graduated from XYZ college, loving brother of whoever) but also the lifestories of the survivors (survived by beloved son Joseph, CEO of ABC Corporation, and grandson Bill, founder of Whatever Company). Perhaps I am naive, but it seemed a little tactless of the relatives to promote their success in the business world in Granny or Gramps funeral literature.

Second, I sent in-lieu-of-flower donations as requested and did not receive a single thank-you. I have had my share of loss and understand the mind-numbing, energy-sapping nature of things BUT I also know that pre-printed thank you notes are part of most funeral packages. While Emily Post probably wouldn't agree, I'm good with a pre-printed "The XYZ family thanks you for your kind donation in memory of their loved one" card or an email. That way at least I know the recipient organization got the $$ and notified the family. Perhaps if you can't acknowledge donations, you shouldn't ask for them.

Okay, end of rant.

[jmarie]

I'm wondering if maybe they weren't notified of the in-lieu donation.... You know, I have no idea if the senders of in lieu donations for my mom and dad were thanked, or not, because they come so long after the funeral, that I am already back home and have no idea who, if anyone, sent in lieu. That will remain a mystery for me. A friend had a tree planted in Israel, in honor of my mom. I did receive notification of that and sent her a note, thanking her.

Haven't seen the story of survivors (or the deceased, for that matter) on the service program, so can't comment about that.

[zwieback]

That's what I would guess, that they weren't notified of the donation. I once made a donation to the requested charity and I was the one who received the "a donation was made in xyz's memory" letter from the charity.

As far as the obit bulletin, I would imagine that is what the deceased requested. Some people, especially when they know they are dying, write their own obits or approve what is written before it is actually printed. Or, they're just filling out a form from the funeral parlor.

[Shugness]

That's what I would guess, that they weren't notified of the donation. I once made a donation to the requested charity and I was the one who received the "a donation was made in xyz's memory" letter from the charity.

That very well may be the case - I just realized that when I was volunteering with the greyhound adoption group, if someone made a donation in memory of someone, or even a dog that had been adopted from us, we sent a thank you letter to the person who made the donation, but never thought to let the family of the deceased know a donation had been made in memory of their family member/pet. I guess it wasn't thought of because it didn't happen that often. BUT - I do know the local Hospice keeps up with the donations and lets the family know who donated what. Some charities/non profits just might not be thinking to let the family know, and the family isn't thinking to ask.

[Andrea_2]

I recently made a donation to a college fund for the children of someone I didn't know well personally, and the bank made a point of telling me that the family would be notified of all donations. I did receive a prompt thank you card from the woman's husband. Seems strange that the family wouldn't be made aware of donations if they are made in the name of that person?

Haven't seen the bulletin thing. That does seem odd.

[charley]

When my mom passed a few years ago we requested donations be made to her church. They sent me a letter each time one was made, so I could send an appropriate thank you.

[clairea]

Whenever I have made memorial donations I have been given an opportunity to name the family member(s) who I would like notified of the donation. I list the person or people I know fairly well.

When DHs sister died, the charity receiving donations did the same thing. They sent notices of all of the donations to her husband, and then also to us or DHs dad if the donor requested. We wrote thank you notes for any donations we received notice of.

I have never seen the life story on a funeral program, only a listing of survivors including their spouses and children and maybe where they live.