Vent!

[Kiwismommy]

I have been married to my wonderful husband for 42 years and all along I have known that he doesn't have a "foodie" appreciation. We have a daughter and son. Both married with two kiddies each. DS and wife are more adventurous with food. DD and Hubby, and kiddies not so much.

Hubby and I are on our own. Today I Googled that I had a chicken breast (BS) and came up with a great recipe from Martha Stewart. Sorry, I don't know how to link. Basically brown breasts, remove, brown mushrooms (I added onions), simmer, add white wine, simmer, add ch. broth and parsley (I added thyme ), simmer, add chicken, simmer?

Such a delightful mix of subtle flavours!

DH didn't comment. I asked how he liked it and he thought it "wasn't bad"... Was there wine or something in it?".

He would prefer it without the wine...the little bit of wine that had lots of time to simmer off...!

Does anyone else feel my frustration? I have many binders of recipes. I have many saved on recipe sites. I'd love to take part in the Cooking Light weekly thread. But my family is so...lacking on food diversions.

This meal tonight was mild...no outstanding tastes...so I thought....grrr...back to my old school 30 meals

[Angelina]

Well...he didn't say he hated it, right?

Honestly, if I was you, I would just start cooking whatever I want. You have done your share, you have raised the kids and now it's the two of you. Time to have fun in the kitchen! If he doesn't want it, he can make himself a sandwich.

To paraphrase Monica from "Friends", sometimes I just tell my husband "You are going to eat it and you are going to like it". Granted, he's not too picky and will try different things, but sometimes I just want to make something a little more out there. If you know it's good, trust yourself. It tastes good, and that's it.

[Canice]

Wow, that would be rough! That's a pretty basic (though no doubt tasty) dish for anyone to take exception to. I won't cook for picky eaters, but given that I live alone and most people I know are pretty food-obsessed, it's not something I have to deal with. That would drive me nutz!

[Joanie B]

I salute you for your restraint, my dear. This summer DH was on a roll snitting about darn near everything I was serving. I don't even recall what his specific snits were about. Probably too many salads/veggies. He thinks every home salad should have the variety of a Ruby Tuesday salad bar!! I wasn't serving him tofu or poi . One night he was more annoying than ever with his sighs and eye rolls. I snatched his plate off the table and dumped it right in the trash. He ate a quiet bowl of cereal later. He has no sense of adventure in food but again, not creating Thai or Indian here. Agree with do your thing. The cereal bowl can be at the ready!

[ClaraB]

I think I differ a bit in my opinion. I share your frustration in cooking for an unappreciative audience, but I think you also have to respect the fact that your DH doesn't have as adventurous a palate as you, and after 42 years, that's not likely to change . Presumably he has other redeeming qualities that make up for his pickiness . Maybe you can try for a compromise and make half the meals foods he likes and half foods you want to try. If he does any cooking at all, maybe he can prepare some of the meals....

[Canice]

Though really, all she said was that it was frustrating to her. Since this is a cooking board, I say it's just the place to say, "Aaaaarr!"

[Peweh]

A couple of years ago I'd reached my limit on trying to get creative with boneless skinless chicken and told DH I'd be making some other things, he was welcome to try them or fend for himself. I suggested he pretend he was on an airplane and that that food was the only thing he was getting served... it's amazing what he will eat when he thinks he's on an airplane, LOL!! Seriously I didn't make any bizarre things i know he hates but it did open his mind to trying new things and we've introduced some new proteins into our repertoire. Hope this helps!!

[Home Chef]

My husband will eat pretty much anything and the things I know he does not like I avoid for him and make them for myself on his meeting nights.

For some other things that I think he'll like but know he wouldn't choose, I've just been pretending that he never said he didn't like them.

For example he says he doesn't like squash. I made butternut squash risotto, had a little bacon, he had 2 servings. He wasn't sure about kale, I made a big salad, purple kale, green lettuce, he loved it.

I make a lot of different things and I know when he asks what we're having and he says "that sounds interesting", that he really isn't sure. But more often than not he likes it and he's at least willing to taste.

We always have cheese and crackers but luckily it hasn't come to that.

[margeslp]

I credit my husband in the early years of our marriage to my development as a gourmet cook. He liked hot and spicey. He just added crushed red peppers to anything too subtle. I could try anything. Our children grew up trying anything. This left me able to challenge my creativity.

I have noticed that some friends who hate to cook have husbands with a very limited palate and wives feel like they are just heating food.

[RiverFarm]

Kiwismommy, that would drive me nuts, too, although at least he's eating it. I agree with those who say to go ahead and make things you'd like to eat, as well as satisfying his preferences at other times. My DH loves almost everything I cook and is quite appreciative; I don't know what I'd do if he weren't. I was raised in a steak-and-potatoes-and-salad household and he was raised in an Italian home, and we both like to experiment with foods so it works really well. My DGD who often eats with us is very picky, though. When she's here I try to serve things she likes but it's very discouraging to spend a lot of time on a dish and find she doesn't enjoy it and will barely eat anything. Yes, there's always PB&J, but you do want your effort and kitchen mastery to result in happy eaters!

[Tutalady]

When we got married, I told my husband I would learn to cook the things he grew up liking but that he was going to have to learn to like the things I grew up liking too. That has worked for us for 42 years..........every so often he asks me when we are going to have my Grandmother's Liver Dumplings again!! And I now like meat and potatoes or Taco Salad too! It does help when people are willing to meet each other halfway!

[Kiwismommy]

Thanks for letting me vent and for sharing your stories also. I will go on doing what I have done...knowing his limitations and continue trying new recipes within these limitations. I really thought I did that last night To be fair, he did eat it and didn't say anything negative about it until I asked.

I do make myself meals that he won't eat when he is out or away. Generally that involves seafood and garlic!

[Shugness]

Kind of along the theme with Peweh's post, I'd have to ask him if he'd rather be eating Chef Boyardee or a Hot Pocket, because those are in the pantry/freezer and he can heat that up if he's not content with the meal you've provided.

My husband is more willing to try new foods than average men, but he was a bachelor for a long time though and lived off of Chef Boyardee and Dominos, so he appreciates more than most men do having a home cooked meal. I have coworkers who are married to "meat and tater" kind of men and it'd drive me crazy the restriction they have when it comes to what they can cook.

[mcgee]

Gosh, and I complain because DH doesn't like mushrooms.

[peachesncream]

My DH will eat anything.

But he doesn't enjoy vegetarian meals. If I ask his opinion of a vegetarian dish he'll say "This would be really good, with some meat!". I just let it go. I keep making vegetarian meals once or twice a week. They are healthy, and I enjoy them. That's enough justification for me.

In your situtation, I might compromise - half the time cook according to his limited tastes and the other half, fix whatever I wanted. Ditto for family. Mix it up. Some stuff they like, some new things as well.

I wouldn't let a picky eater (or eaters) dictate the menu 100% of the time.

[RiverFarm]

That's funny, McGee!

One thing my DH didn't like was brisket. When we lived with my parents briefly as newlyweds many many years ago it seemed to him that that was all she cooked, and since it wasn't part of his ethnic heritage he couldn't see the appeal; he felt it was greasy, tough, stringy, and tasteless. Of course I didn't think it was any of those things!

A long time afterwards I tried making brisket myself, and he complained, "Why do we always have to have brisket?" It tickled me to be able to say, "I haven't served it for four years!"

He has finally come to terms with it but I never make it anyway.

[Kay Henderson]

I can understand your frustration. For many years my recipe collection was a major hobby and DH was a most appreciative audience. Then, about 10 years ago, he developed multiple and sometimes severe food allergies and sensitivities. I mourned for years.

I have a few thoughts.

You've been given some excellent advice, particularly dividing your cooking between dishes you like or would like to try and those you know he likes.

One thing that's been moderately interesting is to work on a highly skilled rendition of the simple food we eat -- for example, a perfect roast chicken.

You might consider serving sauces on the side. He may have more sensitive taste buds than the average person and a teaspoon of sauce over chicken or whatever might taste good to him whereas most folks would enjoy much more.

With some people, "wasn't bad" is as good a compliment as the cook is likely to get. Sometimes it is useful to take victories where one can.

We frequently eat out for breakfast and lunch, less so for dinner. On these occasions, I indulge my desire for more highly spiced food.

Lastly, my DH and I have been married about the same number of years (forty for us this past December) as you. Occasional deaths of people of DH's and my generation (we are both 67), remind me that we will not have each other forever. We have had a wonderful life together and consider ourselves very lucky.

Good luck to you!

Kay

[catbatty]

I am not sure why wives feel they have to do the cooking and then why they feel if they don't please folks with their cooking, that they keep ON doing the cooking. It's Greek to me. I get the feeling that boys grow up with mama feeding and doing chores for them, then once it isn't socially acceptable to live with mama, they go find a substitute mama.

I say: marry a guy who knows how to take care of himself; one who has had some time to become self-reliant. THEN, there is a chance that he will be a partner about food...rather than a spoiled little kid.

I'm sure these unappreciative type guys have other redeeming traits. There must be women who WANT to cook and please their husbands, so they do it all the time and it somehow becomes an expected 'duty.' But as one who has been married for 26 years to a guy who lived alone for a decade or two after 'mama' did everything for him... I can't relate to breaking my neck to do a chore that he could just as easily do (and does), rather than me always trying to make him happy when he eats. I just don't get it. My husband does most of our cooking because he likes to cook and I adore his food. If I didn't adore his food, then I'd feel some duty to share more of the cooking load. Ladies: tell them to cook if they aren't thrilled. Or cook for yourself and let them make selves a peanut butter sandwich. Stop waiting for their approval--if they aren't the type to be generous with it. (BTW: each of us tells the other any tweaks we think are needed but ALWAYS appreciate the cook's efforts. But it's BOTH of our jobs to cook and eat; neither is a slave to the other.)

[karen w]

I love my DH. He eats almost anything and loves everything that I make. He is adventurous and would prefer non meat meals over meat. My kinda guy. My problem is that there are also three kids involved in the equation, each with their own tastes. I have realized that I can usually never please all of them at any one meal and on those nights that I do....bonus! Many nights, I will cook stuff that DH and I like as the kids prefer meat and with there busy schedules (they are all teens now), they are often not home for dinner or home at different times. On those nights, I usually have them try our meal and make them one alternative. If they don't like that, then they are on their own to grab a sandwich or cereal etc.... At least that way, I am not a short order cook making 5 meals a night. And there are also many nights that I make something with the kids in mind...usually something like steak. If DH and/or I don't want that ( I don't eat beef much at all anymore), I usually have enough in the freezer to pull something out for us like some frozen veggie lasagna, soups etc...

Karen

[Kiwismommy]

Lastly, my DH and I have been married about the same number of years (forty for us this past December) as you. Occasional deaths of people of DH's and my generation (we are both 67), remind me that we will not have each other forever. We have had a wonderful life together and consider ourselves very lucky.[/INDENT]

Kay

Well said! This is exactly how we feel about each other!

I get a little frustrated once in awhile about dinner, but I count my blessings and can't imagine life without this wonderful man!

Thank you all for your wonderful suggestions. I appreciate them all.

Danita

[Home Chef]

I was laughing about this thread this morning because I didn't have anything planned for dinner for tonight. I know there is something in the freezer. So I went out, found a container, of course no label, when will I learn, brought the container in.

Told my husband "I'm pretty sure we're having soup tonight, not sure what kind, almost positive it is soup, we must have liked it or I wouldn't have a container of it frozen."

His response "hope it's that potato leek soup" He's very easy going!

[heavy hedonist]

I understand your frustration very well, and i'm on the side that says you need to cook more interesting (to yourself) foods more often-- but mix it up. You can't force a new palate on someone, no, and too constant a stream of changes will likely cause added resistance--

but you can bring someone along slowly, adding a new dish or two a few times a week, preferably alongside something known and comforting. In fact, sometimes this approach, which respects the other person's feelings, gradually makes them see that their old tastes are kinda boring. I can tell you it worked on my ex, and has worked on many children I took care of, along with friends & family that were weirded out, at first, when I went vegetarian almost 20 years ago.

And sorry to give advice after a vent. Hope you can smile over a fun meal soon.

[fldivegirl]

Well said! This is exactly how we feel about each other!

I get a little frustrated once in awhile about dinner, but I count my blessings and can't imagine life without this wonderful man!

Thank you all for your wonderful suggestions. I appreciate them all.

Danita

My sentiments exactly..... one of the things my DH and I enjoyed together was cooking. I miss that so do enjoy them (DH) while you can.