Was I wrong? pls help

[matt]

I am in strange bind. One of my roomies choses not to eat dinner it has been like this for last 3 years or so. She has this zany idea that the things i make for dinner have made her break out. I was very upset when i heard this from another person. She has a major sweet tooth. Tonight I made stuffed shells from the March issue. I also decided to make some nice choclate brownies, I had decided to not offer her any. I have been thinking to myself if i did the right thing. I am tired of feeling that I was enabling that to continue. Was I wrong or right?

[TamiKnight]

Matt, you're always so considerate of others and sweet to think of how they are feeling. Have you asked her about what she told others about breaking out? Sometimes stories get back to people in a slightly different version than they were originally told. Remember the game Gossip, where everyone takes turns whispering a sentence to the person next to them, and by the time it gets around the circle, it's completely different from how it started?

If it were me (which may not be right for you, and that's okay), I'd gently ask her about what had been said, then just let her know that she's welcome to anything I fix. However, I would also say that I wasn't going to offer it to her to risk making her uncomfortable if she feels the food isn't agreeing with her in some way. That way, you don't feel mean, and she doesn't feel awkward about turning the food down.

Just cook for people who really enjoy it, and try not to worry about those who, for whatever weird reason, don't. You could, for instance, send me some brownies!

[HejazSunKat]

Matt, first off is she talking about getting a zit or hives or anaphylactic shock or what? Whatever she's referring to I don't see it as your fault. From what I have read it is a fallacy that certain foods (like chocolate) cause acne and if she is talking about some other type of reaction I don't think you could be blamed if she has neglected to tell you that she has a food allergy. I'm sure you were hurt by hearing this information by a back door instead of having her come to you directly. If you had any, throw that guilt right out the window.

I don't know what your arrangement is with your roommates so I'm not quite sure how to answer your question. Do you take turns cooking for one another on different nights? If that is the understanding then I'm sure it is also understood that anyone who lives there may sit down at the table and partake without being specifically invited every time. If you have made arrangements between you that you will take turns with the cooking then I think food preferences and allergies should be taken into consideration when it is your turn to do the cooking. If you have to cook to your audience you might make something different than you would make just to please yourself. If it's looser than that, like "Hey, I feel like making stuffed shells tonight and anybody who wants some is welcome to eat" then it is up to her to ask you how the dish was prepared or if it includes ingredients she wants to avoid.

Without knowing more about the situation I don't think you did anything wrong. You're too nice a person for that.

FWIW...Even if I did get a zit I would consider it a small price to pay for a delicious meal cooked for me by a friend...

[donleyk]

Hi Matt.

I just have to say ditto to the other comments. You're too nice a person for this situation to get you down. It is very thoughtful of you to offer what you've cooked and I would appreciate it.

What time is dinner?

Take care.