The Me I Want to Be, week of August 4

[Jessica]

Good morning.

I thought I would start this week's thread. Maybe someone can volunteer for next week and we can go from there.

My topic is...positive thinking. I think many of us have voices in our heads that remind us of past failures or tell us we cannot change or improve our lives. This is a real problem for me, not just in terms of weight but in terms of other mistakes or wrong paths I've taken in the past. I think the trouble with the voices is we know they are self-destructive, but we listen anyway.

How do you turn off your voices, or redirect them from the negative to the positive?

I confess that I don't have many strategies. I try to tell myself that I cannot change the past and can only change the present, but that only works some of the time. I also try to identify the negative thoughts that zip through my brain and replace them with positive comments I've heard recently from my DH or clients or friends.

Any other ideas? Tips for positive thinking??

I hope everyone is starting a terrific week. Go forth and think positive!!!

Jessica

[greysangel]

Hi Jessica!

How's everyone doing??

It's hard to turn off the voices sometimes. Something that helps me is "forward thinking". Every day (or hour if you need to break it down some more) is a new slate. Yesterday has already happened..it no longer exists as far as having imput on my future. Today still does. I wake up in the morning and ask myself what can I do today to get closer to my goals? It sounds hokey, but forward thinking gets you places and it helps focus. Most of the time those voices come in when I'm not focused. Something has bothered me externally or I just woke up feeling blah and out of sorts. All of a sudden I lose my focus and the thoughts start reverting back to the screw ups of yesteryear and the 20s I wasted being fat. Ummm hello? Selective memory here? I mean some of it was painful, but I managed to have fun too Regardless though, it doesn't help you RIGHT NOW. Why would I choose to beat myself up over five years ago, when I'm doing so well today?

I'm doing well today. Two weeks down, 10 weeks to go and I'm feeling strong. I've had squeaky clean eating, energetic workouts and controlled free days...I'm going for gold this time. This weekend I wore a pair of capris that were too tight to wear in public before so something is going right. The motivation fuel is still burning and it just feels so good to have motivation back. I have high hopes for this challenge!!!

Take care and be strong everyone!

JeAnne

[pbutterfly]

Jessica - Thanks for starting the thread with such a great topic! I have much to say on it, but can't sit and type right now. As soon as I can, I will!

I've hurt my back. (AGAIN! This is happening every two months, for no discernable reason, and it's worse each time. Last time I saw the doc, and he wasn't very helpful, so this time when I can get there, I'm going to be FAR more forceful.) I can't sit or stand for very long at a time right now (though it's better than yesterday, as you can tell by the fact that I'm on here at all!). Hopefully it will continue to improve....

In the meantime, I'm thinking of you all.

Oh, and JeAnne looked FAB in the capris.

lynne

[pbutterfly]

ps. I'll volunteer for next week.

[Hkgall]

Hi Everybody!

Sorry I'm such a slacker - How did you do it so well JeAnne?!?!? I went out of town from Thursday to this morning and while I intended to tell ya'll that, I never had a second to spare! Oh well - Thanks so much Jessica for starting with such a great topic.

My mini-vacation this weekend was to Vegas with the girls... We had a great great great time, but ate and drank way too much. Went to the buffett at the Bellagio one night. I never want to feel the way I felt after that buffett ever again. That will definitely be my last buffett (except those of the sushi variety - those don't do me in and can be such a deal!). I think that's the lesson I was supposed to learn. 3 out of 5 of us on the trip were on WW - and we all talked about how good eating well made us feel compared to how awful the buffett made us feel. I used to get excited about buffetts - I'm a big fan of the variety. Now, I'm done with them.

Anyhow, now that that diatribe is over - this week I am "recommitting" to my weight loss. I've been hanging around the same weight for a long time now (the loss I had 2 weeks ago promptly disappeared last week), and I know why. I haven't been following the program to the letter the way I should. I don't get in my veggies or dairy consistently, and I journal and stay within points approximately 4 days a week. I'm not going to try and figure out why, I'm just going to look to the future and make changes starting now. Wow! It's a weight off of my shoulders just to type this out.

Beyond positive thinking, I like visualizing... Me with a thin face, no back or neck problems, crossing the finish line of my next 5K in 29 mins and 30 seconds. Me in my friend's October wedding with sexy "cut" arms. I'm smiling now!

To turn off the positive voices, I just say to myself "put down the bat"... That makes me smile and move on. No point in wasting my time being negative, the world does enough of that to us without our having to contribute!

Happy Monday -
Holly

[Jessica]

Hey, I hope my topic wasn't a downer. My other thread on cocktails got a lot more attention

My week has been OK except for a minor cookie incident. I am still maintaining my 8 lb loss. I was fine with that for a while since I have failed at maintenance in the past, but after six weeks I am ready for a new loss. I know the culprit is sugar--I need to be more diligent about desserts.

[SallyCC]

Positive thinking is a great topic for this thread. Last week at WW, our leader spoke about plateaus....the body kind and the head kind!! It was great to listen to everyone and how we "process" what we are going through in trying to live a healthier life. One thing that this leader did a few months ago was to ask people what positive things had happened in their life as a result of being OP. She told people to write down thier statements in the form of an affirmation and to read them every morning. I thought it was a wonderful idea then and have seen where this has helped me (just thinking about it) on those tough days.

My week last week was good.I feel refocused and motivated with the changes I've made. I think this food plan works better for my body...I've been in my point range but really increased the veggies/protein and am really focusing on good carbs.

Lynne...I hope your back is better. That is so frustrating to feel so out of control when our bodies don't "work with us"!! Just hang in there.

Have a good week all.
Sally

[greysangel]

Jessica - It's a great topic...I just think there are peeps on vacation and stuff like that No worrying!

Hope everyone is having a great day.

JeAnne

[Chefzhat]

JeAnne - congrats on the capris!! Isn't it great when something fits now when it didn't before?? It's like a little surprise gift.

Maintenance (meaning smaller servings) along with lower carbs, higher protein is going well for me. I still can't get over the 3 - 4 pound fluctuation in weight from day to day (I know, I shouldn't weigh every day, it's just habit, I only count each saturday's weight as the real thing).

Buffets are really hard! I haven't been to one in years, thank goodness, just hearing my mom come back from one moaning about how full she is keeps me from running to the nearest Country Buffet

PButterfly - my back is injured too - second time in 3 weeks. I'm treating now with my chiropractor. I'm miserable. Lay around too much because it hurts to stand. Get no exercise, and little stretching. Ugh.

Debie

[Jessica]

Lynne and Debie — I hope both of your backs heal quickly. Sending good back thoughts your way...

Sally — I am glad you had such a good week--it always feels like such an accomplishment.

Holly — buffets are such a challenge. I always feel like I have to get my money's worth. We avoid them but sometimes parties or weddings have buffet lines so I need to find better management techniques.

JeAnne — Hooray for the capri pants! I am sure you look sassy in them

[greysangel]

Jessica - you picked one of my favorite words...sassy For some reason it's one of those words that makes me smile.

The capris are a 14 and I had tried on one pair of 14s from the same store and they fit so I didn't bother trying the second pair figuring they would Needless to say when I brought them home two months ago, I could wear the one I tried and the other I could barely button after stuffing the buddha down into them. So yay!

Now I seem to be having this other problem. Things are fitted around the tummy and hips/butt, but now I have this gap in the back waist area...the front of the waist and sides fit fine, but it's like I could pack some artillery in my lower back area.

I think I have bubble butt now

j

[TLee4]

Originally posted by greysangel
I could wear the one I tried and the other I could barely button after stuffing the buddha down into them.

De-lurking to say that this image made me laugh out loud!!

Also, I have that same problem with the back of the waist. I don't get it!!


Terri

[Gracie]

Originally posted by greysangel
Now I seem to be having this other problem. Things are fitted around the tummy and hips/butt, but now I have this gap in the back waist area...the front of the waist and sides fit fine, but it's like I could pack some artillery in my lower back area.

I think I have bubble butt now

j

You don't have bubble butt, you have a WAIST!!! I have had this problem for years. My waist is much smaller than my hips. It means that I have to try all pants and skirts on all the time, or else I run a very great risk of having to return stuff. If things fit in the waist, they are too tight in the hips/thighs. If they fit in the hips/thighs, they are huge in the waist. It is really a challenge to find pants and skirts, no matter what size I am. When I find something that looks good, I stick to it, meaning the brand, the style, etc.

I am still challenged by food and not making great choices at home either at night after work or on weekends. Maybe I should work more!! I'm playing with the idea of doing the South Beach thing for a jumpstart, but I've never dieted so strictly having always done WW. Right now I'm just trying to keep a handle on the carbs, and portions, and good choices, and not wandering into the kitchen, and, and, and, and....

Loren

[pbutterfly]

Thanks for the good back thoughts - they're helping. (Well, so is the Valium... ) I went to the doc today, and he said that it's definately a muscle thing (which is good, I think). He's sending me to a physical therapist so that I can work on strengthening/fixing things. I'm thrilled. I feel like something's being done about it and like I'll learn something to help me along this path towards better overall health.

The other thing that I am thrilled about is that I am really, really frustrated at not being able to go to my yoga and Nia classes. It's new to me to be angry at NOT being able to exercise - that's a HUGE deal mentally for me!

Lying down is still far more comfortable than sitting or standing, though, so I've a ways to go before I can get back into the swing of things.

As for the topic. It's a great one. Postive thinking is one of the most important tools we can have, not just in weight-loss or health-seeking, but in life. It's essential to mental health. And, for those of us with low self-esteem or loud negative voices, finding strong, true, positive thinking is one of the hardest challenges on the journey. Two things that I have found helpful in working on my own positive thinking are:

1. Take a day and write down every negative thought about yourself that you have, from "I can't" to "I'm a slob" to "Why do I even try when I always mess up". If you're like me, you'll be amazed at how many there are. Look over them carefully. How many are actually true? Do you know you 'can't', or did you just not try for fear of failure? And if you truly can't, why does that inspire judgement? Are you really a 'slob', or did you just make one messy/lazy/whatever choice? Can you re-state the statement to be a simple, non-judgemental fact? And look for statements that have the words "always" or "never". They're rarely true. Find ways to talk back to your self talk, then do them each time you catch your negative voices over the next few days and weeks. Over time, the negatives get quieter and the postives louder.

2. A friend of mine, Deb, was working with another woman named Deb. She was talking outloud to herself while she worked, saying mean things like, "Deb, you're so stupid. You're such an a------." Suddenly she turned to her friend and said, "Oh, Deb, you know I'm talking to myself and not you, right?" A lightbulb went off. Why was it okay to talk to herself that way when she would NEVER talk to her friend that way?? Always ask yourself if you're treating yourself with the same love, respect, and positivity as you would a loved one. It's made a huge difference in my positive self-talk.


lynne

[heide]

A friend of mine, Deb, was working with another woman named Deb. She was talking outloud to herself while she worked, saying mean things like, "Deb, you're so stupid. You're such an a------." Suddenly she turned to her friend and said, "Oh, Deb, you know I'm talking to myself and not you, right?" A lightbulb went off. Why was it okay to talk to herself that way when she would NEVER talk to her friend that way?? Always ask yourself if you're treating yourself with the same love, respect, and positivity as you would a loved one. It's made a huge difference in my positive self-talk.

wow.

I don't know where to start. I don't think I use much negative self-talk, but I know the positive self talk is very very important. I think that if you really don't believe you can do this, going through the motions won't get you there. You have to tell yourself that you'll get there. That you can do it. That you're strong and healthy and are making the right choices to be what you want to be.

I play a lot of tennis. I'm not great but I get out there and give it my all. There are some women who I don't like to play with, because they constantly are talking about how they can't hit the ball, etc etc. The negative talk makes it true. They are so intent on excusing away their bad play, that they forget what they're doing on the court and play badly. There's another group that I play with sometimes that has a rule: Never say "sorry". If you make a bad shot, you just move on. Don't apologize to anyone. Just play.

The same goes for living a healthy lifestyle. Don't think about all the things you can't have. Don't fill your head with all the negative self talk so it drowns out the intention of making the right choices. And if you do make some bad choices, just move on. Don't apologize to anyone. Just keep going.

[heide]

Did I scare everyone away?

[pbutterfly]

Not scared, just still in pain. (It's getting better, but sitting's still not good.)

I totally agree with you about the importance of thinking "can" instead of "can't" and not dwelling on the mistakes and thinking you need to constantly apologize. I love the tennis group where you can't say "I'm sorry"! Of course you didn't mean to not hit the ball (or whatever!)! No need to apologize, just on with the game! That's a good philosophy for a lot of things.

I should add to my friend Deb's story -- Once she had that realization, she joined WW, and despite many, many slow-periods and struggles with the scale, remains positive.... and has lost 90 pounds!

lynne

[Jessica]

heide and lynne--you are both right. Negative self-talk doesn't solve any problems and it can distract you from your next goal. Deb is right--you shouldn't talk to yourself in a harsher voice than you would use on your loved ones.

Loren--Hang in there!!! I am having a rough time this summer, too. I don't really want to try another diet--I just want to regain some control.

I was one of the people who participated in the sugar-reduction thread a few months ago. I've really lost touch and fell back into my old habits, so starting today I am trying to cut out sugary foods again. It doesn't really work as a weight-loss strategy but I know I feel better without the sugar.

[greysangel]

Hey everybody! TGIF!!!!

Heide I can totally relate to the "sorry" thing. I used to be the apology queen. If I got into arguments with someone, I would apologize...even if I felt I was right. I used to apologize at work when something happened that was really not in my control and I even used to apologize when people banged into me on the street!

DH has really helped with this. He was really the first person in my life to not "abandon" me the moment something wasn't perfect. And he was the one that taught me that it's ok to disagree about something. You don't have to apologize to get back to being comfortable and it doesn't mean the end of the relationship if there's an argument or a disagreement! And though I lost some "friends" when I started standing up for myself and saying no once in awhile, were they really great friends to begin with?

Jessica;
It's unbelievable how evil sugar is lol. I'm even trying to stay away from it on my free days because it just makes me feel like cr@p and usually is the culprit in overeating. Even when I indulge in high fat foods, I don't overdo it like I do once I start with the sugar. Sugar makes me lethargic and also screws up my digestive process. I also feel it the next day when I'm working out...like there's a delay in my body reacting to stimulus. No wonder why we like it...it's like being legally stoned

I have had a good week. It was PMS week and I managed to stay away from temptation. Because of a concert last week and a picnic tomorrow, I went a week in a half with out a free meal/day...WOW!~ I plan to enjoy the picnic tomorrow without going crazy. It shouldn't be too difficult. I'm not a hot dog fan and I usually make better burgers than I get out But I'm looking forward to a beer or two! I will be taking pics next week and I really hope that what's going on inside is reflected on the outside as well. The rock hard challenge is...CHALLENGING! Next week it's circuit training instead of typical weights. pull ups, push ups, squats, lunges, crunches ...repeat cycle three times I'm scared...excited and scared!

Have a terrific weekend everyone!

JeAnne

[ebobbitt]

Hey! I find that it's easier to keep the negative thoughts at bay the more weight I lose and if I stay on program. Right now I'm doing pretty well because I've have been staying on program and I have been losing. Wednesday at my WI I was down 3.75 pounds! Now that was for 2 weeks but still I was quite happy. Oh, but those weeks where I haven't been on program and I've had a gain--that ugly little voice gets really loud.

[JulieM]

Jessica, I can really relate about the negative thoughts. They usually get me at night, after DH is asleep, and often it's about past bad decisions, embarrassments or some other thing I've done "wrong."

The best way I've found to reduce these, is to talk about them with someone who really cares about me, in my case that would be DH. Somehow, talking these things out loud helps your brain sort it out and put it away. If there's no one in your life like that, then write them out in a journal.

As for negative thoughts that are just general "I'm such a clutz" or "I'm so fat" type of things, just push them away as best you can and replace the thought with something good about yourself. Take time to write a list of good things about yourself to help you remember them and be able to call them up when needed. And don't allow "can't" to creep in. You CAN accomplish whatever you want to accomplish, even if it takes several attempts before you get all the way there.