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Thread: Super Bowl Commandments

  1. #1
    Join Date
    Jan 2004
    In front of my computer

    Super Bowl Commandments

    The 10 commandments of hosting the ultimate Super Bowl party

    When throwing a Super Bowl Party there are some important things to remember.

    I. Thou shall know the basics.
    As host of a Super Bowl party, you should know the following information:

    Kickoff: CBS at 6:25 p.m. EST

    AFC champion: New England Patriots

    NFC champion: Carolina Panthers

    Regular season standings: Carolina: No. 16 in total offense; No. 8 in total defense

    New England: No. 17 in total offense; No. 7 in total defense National Anthem singer: Beyonce Knowles

    Halftime performers: Nelly, P Diddy, Kid Rock, Janet Jackson

    II. Thou shall Abide by the rules of football.

    1. After a kickoff, the ball is live. Either team can grab it once it has gone 10 yards. If food is dropped on the floor, it is also live. Try and get it before the dog does.

    2. Soccer is called football in the rest of the world. If this is what you expected to see, sit quietly and wait another three years for the World Cup to roll around.

    3. A yellow flag thrown on the field means a referee disagrees with something a player has done. A beer bottle thrown at the TV means a fan disagrees with something a referee has done.

    4. Even if you know who the team's kicker is, don't refer to him by name. Just call him the kicker. This way, people won't think you're a know-it-all because you can pronounce 'Presntapoptknckt.'

    5. The guy sitting next to you who bet his mortgage on the team that is down 21 points will be happy to answer your question about why his team just punted on fourth-and-inches. You just have to be persistent.

    6. The halftime show is the only acceptable time for the channel to be changed. If you're that hard up to hear Britney, N*Sync, Aerosmith or Up With People, go to the mall and let the fans enjoy another 52-14 drubbing.

    7. The host is the only one with a guaranteed seat. All others must fend for themselves. Those with the weakest bladders should pick a spot way in the back.

    8. Blame it on the dog or whoever falls asleep.

    9. Children who are brought uninvited should be put to work cleaning the carpets after the game regardless of how late it is.

    10. No leaving the party before the game is over. Anyone caught doing so will be forced to host the event for next year's game. '

    Practice talking the talk

    YES: Tom Brady has really emerged from Drew Bledsoe's shadow.
    NO: That quarterback's butt looks like it was poured into those pants!

    YES: The Panthers' turnaround from last year's terrible season has been amazing.
    NO: I'm rooting for the team with the kitty on the helmet.

    YES: I can't get enough of these hot wings and chili fries. NO: Is there an Atkins menu available?

    III. Thou shall not count calories.

    The traditional Super Bowl party is probably the least fussy, most unpretentious party you can host all year. So, there is no point in holding back. Go all out and serve everyone's favorite high fat, finger-licking snack foods.

    Frito Pie

    3 cups Fritos Original corn chips
    3/4 cup Texas yellow onion, diced 1/4' or less
    1 cup Mild Cheddar cheese, grated
    2 cups chili
    1. Preheat oven to 350 degrees.
    2. Spread 2 cups of Fritos in a baking dish. Sprinkle half the onion and half of the cheese over the Fritos. Pour the chili over the onion and cheese. Sprinkle the remaining onion and cheese over the chili. Top with the remaining 1 cup of Fritos.
    3. Bake for 15 or 20 minutes, until cheese is bubbly. Serve hot.

    IV. Thou shall not skimp on the TV.

    Your TV's going to be the center of attention, so anything less than a 30-inch screen is laughable. Rent a big screen for the day if you have to. Set up that 13-inch near the buffet, so guests won't miss a play during a case of the munchies. Tote that portable TV outdoors to accomodate the smokers and park an old radio in the bathroom for the nauseated.

    v. Thou shall provide an endless supply of beer.

    Don't waste your time with mixed drinks and Jell-O shots ' beer is the official drink for Super Bowl Sunday. If you're celebrating in Savannah, you must plan ahead because you can't buy alcohol on Sundays. To limit traffic in front of the TV, disperse small coolers throughout the viewing area.

    vI. Thou shall hide the remote.

    There will be no reason to 'flip' on Super Bowl Sunday. First of all, you don't want to miss the big play. Second, the billion dollar ad campaigns often offer more entertainment than the game. And according to the MTV exec Van Toffler, the MTV/CBS/NFL/AOL halftime lineup including Janet Jackson, P. Diddy, Nelly and Kid Rock is 'sure to be a powerhouse halftime that will appeal to all football and music fans.' O.K., music 'powerhouse' maybe a little strong, but there is a good chance Janet will be scantily clad.

    VII. Thou shall keep the game interesting.

    Everyone hopes for a down-to-the-last-second exciting game, but a host must be prepared for a boring blowout. This game may add a little spice to the night's festivities.

    100 Squares

    Objective: Each player gets a spot or spots on a grid. The goal is to have your spot on the grid match the last digit of each team's score.

    How to play: Make a 10-by-10 grid on the paper, so you have a square block of 100 cells. Write the name of one team across the top of your grid and number columns 0-9. Then write the name of the other team along the left side of your grid and number rows 0-9. Divide the 100 squares by the amount of guests and they can claim that many cells on a first-come basis. Have each player place his or her name or initials in each cell for identification. Take the score at the end of each quarter and use only the final digit for each team. Then, plot the score on the grid. For example, if the score is New England 17, Carolina 3, you would go down the 7 column and across the 3 row. The name in that cell is the winner for that quarter.

    The Prize: 100 squares is often played as a pool. Guests pay a dollar for each square and receive a percentage of the pool for winning at the end of each quarter. To avoid a night at the hoosegow, award non-monetary prizes (foam footballs or a case of beer) after each quarter.

    Shooters Pick a penalty and each time that call is made, you have to do a shot. Use your imagination for this one, but be careful choosing a penalty if you want your guests to see the end of the game. A face mask call is probably safe, where as 'off sides' or 'holding' may leave your guests seing double.

    Trivia Which team holds the record for the most points scored in one quarter in the Super Bowl? Trivia is always a crowd pleaser for die-hard fans, but you may exclude your less-informed friends.

    Viii. Thou shall Set the stage.

    If you feel compelled to decorate, think team colors, footballs, team jerseys, goal posts, pom poms and pennants. But don't knock yourself out. Most eyes will be more impressed by the clear reception on your television. Party supply stores offer football pi'atas, streamers, hats, plates, napkins and other paper goods. But do you want to spend that last 10 bucks on a football-shaped napkins or a sixer of Sam Adams?

    iX. Thou shall keep the kids at home.

    Unless you plan on throwing 'G-rated bash, invite adults and only adults. Football often brings out the more 'expressive' side of fans. So unless you want to expose innocent children to 'expressive' language and drinking, encourage your guests to splurge for a babysitter. If children do attend, set up a kid's room away from all the action.

    X.Thou shall 'keep it simple.

    It's a SUPER BOWL party, so forget the fine china, canapes and chardonnay. Concentrate on these three essentials: cold beer, salty snacks and an obscenely huge television. Don't be afraid to ask for help. When a guest wants to know what he should bring, have a list ready ' you can never have enough ice or drinks.

    Compiled by Meg Beckum and Ryan Honeyman

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Oct 2000

    Too Funny!

    Thanks for posting, my DH will love it also!!
    "There are two means of refuge from the miseries of life: music and cats." - Albert Schweitzer

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Jan 2001

    Go Pats!!!!

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