Question for moms of boys re: circumcision

[LaraW]

OK, this is something that I have been losing a lot of sleep over. DH and I found out that we are having a boy, and so of course have been talking about whether or not to have the baby circumcised.

I can't really see a reason to do it - it seems like an unnecessary procedure and after doing some research it seems pretty inhumane as well. I feel like circumcisinng a baby is telling him that we didn't love him the way he was and so we changed him.

DH is circumcised, and feels like a boy should look like his dad and has also talked about the social issues of not being circumcised. He thinks it is no big deal. I, on the other hand, have lost a lot of sleep and already shed a lot of tears over the thought of a baby strapped down to a table having a sensitive area cut.

So, did you have your son circumcised? What was your thought process? Was it a big deal? How do you care for a circumcision after the fact? How quickly do they heal? Will our son forgive us if we do it?

Thanks

[sneezles]

Yes, I had all 3 boys circumcised but after reading your post I feel a bit guilty...I don't recall there being any problems with the healing and DS#3 was in the room with me right after and he was fine (he was a day old when it was done). I was more uncomfortable with learning how to clean an uncircumcised one...

[EmilyK]

Lara, we didn't really struggle with this decision so much, but I'll still share my thoughts about it with you. I've heard of kids having troubles later on in life and having to be circ'd as a toddler and thought THAT would be worse than a newborn. DS was born at 2 am and they came later that day to do his circ. An hour before, they applied a numbing cream and gauze to the area. Then, they took him to the special room and put him on the table. (DH went with him, I didn't.) They gave him a concentrated sucrose drop on his tongue (which has a "drugging" effect). It took literally a couple of seconds and it was over. The area was a little raw, but we just kept putting big blobs of KY on it and the front of his diaper to keep it from sticking. He didn't act any different at all. DH said the only time he cried when they took him back there was when they put him on the table. It was all healed up within a couple of days. I really don't think it was that big of a deal...

FWIW, I think the % of kids who DON'T get circ'd is much higher now than it was 20 years ago. You can ask the hospital what their procedure is for doing circs, just to be sure how they handle it. I lost a lot of sleep BEFORE I found out that they numb the area and do the sucrose drop - I would never have had it done if he felt them cutting him. Hope this helps... good luck with your decision.

[clairea]

We had DS circumcised. DH is Jewish, so it was never a subject that was even open for discussion. I remember it being very hard when they took DS to do it, but I don't remember him seeming particularly traumatized by the event. Caring for the circ wasn't that much harder than caring for the cord -- seems like we just had to keep some vaseline and a gauze pad over it for a few days to keep it from getting irritated by the diaper.

I don't think DS has any trouble "forgiving" us, since I don't think he realizes we did anything (he is 8yo). I think he would be much more troubled if he looked different than most of the other boys he knows. It is a very personal decision, though. Raising kids is both the most agonizing and rewarding experience I have ever had!

Claire

[gertdog]

Lara, we didn't have Ryan circumcised mostly b/c we just didn't view it as medically necessary, and DH felt that trumped wanting to have Ryan look like his dad. It was interesting- my OB was surprised that we weren't opting for circumcision, but when we went to our first pediatrician checkup, the doctor said "Good for you that you didn't do it!" so it appears that opinions within the medical field vary.

I should also say that while DH and I did the research on this together and discussed it several times, I was prepared to defer to DH if he had very strong feelings about having DS circumcised (though I was relieved that he didn't!)

[leebee]

Oh, honey, first of all, just relax! This is a highly personal decision. And, every decision you make about your child is a big deal. But you can't second-guess yourself to death. When we had our first child, my husband and I discussed this at length. Like you, I was reluctant to subject my child to something that was unnecessary. I finally told DH that I would weigh his feeling on it a bit more heavily than my own, because I felt he could relate a little better. He thought that since he himself was circumcised it would be easier if his son looked more like dad. We also lived in Iowa at the time, and circumcision rates were higher than average, so DH also felt that "fitting in" was important, especially when it would come to being an age when being different is hard. At any rate, after much soul searching, we decided to do it. It was done out of our room by our own doctor, and he wasn't even crying when they brought him to me 10 mins later. I was, though! It healed very quickly (about a week, and there was a tiny bit of blood for a couple of days) and required very little care, other than keeping him clean and applying some ointment (can't remember exactly what they gave me). If you ask your husband if he forgives HIS parents or thinks they didn't love him the way he was born, what's his response? Since my son has been like this virtually his whole life, I don't imagine it will be a problem. Congratulations on having a son! My son is a delight every day and is happy and healthy. Yours will be too, regardless of your choice.

Edited to add: when talking this over with my doctor (who was also pregnant) she sort of indicated that it was largely medically unnecessary, that any benefits could be reached via lifestyle choices, etc. But then she told me if she was having a boy, they would circumcise him, based on the same reasons I stated above.

[Chelle D]

Lara - We too did not have DS circumsized. I could not find a reason for it. I think that it is a personal choice for everyone, but I don't think there is any truth to the arguement that there is trouble later in life for an uncircumsized male. More people in the world are not circumsized than are. My ob told me that other than Israel, the US by far circumsizes the most of any other country. My DH is from Europe so there is no trouble with DH and DS being "different" but I really don't think that's a big deal either....it's not up for comparision anytime that I can think of!

Again, it's a personal decision. Talk to your Ob and your peditrician.

[tbb113]

I don't think I can really add to this since both of my boys were circumcized for religious reasons. Therefore, they were older (8 days for Alex, even older for Michael since he was a preemie and to small at 8 days). There are conflicting scientific studies about it...some say its healthier, others so it isn't. Cervical cancer is lower in women whose partners have been circumcized. Truthfully, the baby isn't going to know/remember what you do to them at that age. I was in the room both times. One son had a local anthestic injected, the other didn't (different person performed the circs).

You need to do what you, your husband and possibly your peditrician feels comfortable with. Your son will be fine either way (baring unforseen consequences that can happen either way).

On the subject of other boys...truthfully, I think there is a WHOLE lot less nudity in locker rooms than when we were kids. I don't think my son (who is 16) has ever showered in PE. So other than for swimming...I don't think he has been naked in front of his friends. I could be wrong...but I think I'm right.

[buffygirl]

We chose to circumcize Rex mainly for the reason of looking like daddy. The doctor did the procedure when he was 1 day old. In our hospital, it was doctors only in the room. They brought him to us 15 minutes later and he was snoozing peacefully. Taking care of the circumcision was nerve wrecking (as is nearly everything you do with your first baby!), but he was all healed within a week.

Truly it is a personal choice. There is no right or wrong answer so just think it through and you'll get to what is right for you as parents. You will love having a boy

Kim

[GingerPow]

Upon much reflection and conversation with my pediatrician, I opted to not have my son circumcised. I also watched a film of an actual procedure on PBS, as it happened while I was pregnant and that made the decision easy.

As it turned out, my son's pediatrician and her partners did not perform circumcisions because they felt that there is no medical purpose to it. Had I wanted it done however, they would recommed a doctor to do it. I had already made up my mind, and they confirmed it.

The uncircumcised ***** is not unclean. The skin does not retract, and should not be forced because it protects the area. This occurs naturally at an older age.

It is a widely accepted procedure in the U.S., and when people immigrate here from other countries, where this is not a routine procedure, people have their sons circumcised to make them "more American."

This can be quite a hot topic, people tend to feel strongly one way or the other. I do not think you should base your decision on what other people have decided for their children. Naturally, talk with your pediatrician and do some research. There are many websites on the 'net with information, just Google it and there's quite a bit to read, pro and con. It is ultimately a decision you make with the best interests of your son at heart. Good luck.

[magdon]

We didn't have our son circumcized mostly based on the fact that DH is not circumcized because his father (a doctor) thought it was unnecessary. I don't think it was ever an issue for him growing up. And honestly it was nice to have one less thing to worry about when he was a newborn. Our ped was fine with it.

[Andrea_2]

We did not have DS circumcised, and never even considered it. I don't think it is at all necessary, and I could just not do that. I also had to watch circumcisions being done once in school, and that is something I'll never forget.

[fancyn]

we didn't really struggle with this decision so much, but I'll still share my thoughts about it with you. He didn't act any different at all. DH said the only time he cried when they took him back there was when they put him on the table. It was all healed up within a couple of days. I really don't think it was that big of a deal...

Same here. It wasn't a big deal to me...but I know how I liked my p***ses! It's a matter of personal preference and family values. Either way, I think it is accepted now! I love my little boy...Congrats!

[MrsReber]

My DS is circumcised. We just had it done. I guess I thought it over some, but it really wasn't a big deal to us. I was a little nervous about cleaning and changing diapers, but it healed so quickly that I barely remember how long it took. We wanted him to look like dad, too. That's what DH is used to so we went with it.

H's nephew is not circumcises. He went through a lot of trauma during birth so SIL decided not to put him through anymore.

It's a personal decision. Guess overall, we're not much help!

[Molli526]

We had Charles circumcised. He really didn't have much reaction to it. The numbed it and it was over quickly. We put ointment on the tip so it wouldn't stick to the diaper, and even that was over in a few days. If #2 is a boy, we will have him circ'd as well.

[Laura]

My situation is different in that DS had to be circumcised because he had medical condition called hypospadia and they used the foreskin as part of the reconstruction process. It was done when he was 9 months old. I did not find cleaning him prior to his circumcision any more difficult than after, and I think most guys would figure it out. That said, I would have had him circumcised anyway for the "look like your dad reason," but since his dad and I split up shortly after he was born, I guess that reason kind of went out the window.

[oceanjasper]

I know someone who was not circumcised as a child and had to be circumcised as an adult due to some kind of medical complication. It was not fun for him. When his son was born, he chose to circumcise him. I know those cases are probably rare, but I am pretty sure that will cross my mind if I am ever in the position to make a decision about circumcision.

[Couperine]

We decided to circumsize Ethan for many of the previous reasons other people did; my husband is a pediatrician and he didn't think twice about wanting his boy circumsized. The circ takes no time at all to do, and DS did very well after. We used vaseline and 2x2 gauze pads for a week or two, and everything was fine. No matter what you choose, you're still going to have to get comfortable manuvering your baby to make sure he gets clean when you bathe him. Good luck with your choice; it was a non-issue to us, but there are so many things to worry about while you're pregnant that it all can be overwhelming.

Nancy

[LA98]

Like Laura, my DS had hypospadias and had his reconstruction done at 6 months using the foreskin. I remember thinking at the time, what if we'd been really, really opposed to circumcision? As things tured out, we had no choice in the matter. Prior to his birth, we were positive we would have it done and it was not an issue for us at all.

[Grace]

I know someone who was not circumcised as a child and had to be circumcised as an adult due to some kind of medical complication. It was not fun for him. When his son was born, he chose to circumcise him. I know those cases are probably rare, but I am pretty sure that will cross my mind if I am ever in the position to make a decision about circumcision.

This happened to my FIL too! Ugh. I think it would be MUCH easier as a one day old than as a 60 year old, both physically AND emotionally.

[mlynn]

Lara--

congratulations on the upcoming birth of your son.

We had DS circumcised only because my husband wanted them to "match." (Although frankly, they've never compared them, so I doubt DS would notice the similarity. ) I'd spoken to our doctor before hand, and he told me that the procedure was medically unecessary (except in exceptional circumstances like those mentioned here) and that was generally done for societal or religous reasons. DS slept through the procedure and was completely healed by the time we went for his one week appointment. I think we just put some Vaseline on the area to keep it from sticking to the diaper, although even that wasn't totally necessary since DS healed so quickly.

I believe that if you and DH have strong feelings either way you should do what your gut tells you. In reality, you DS probably won't care either way. I do think there aren't any real social stigmas attached to being uncircumcised these days--I believe the rate if 50/50 or so.

I hope you and DH can come to a decision you both feel good about.

MLynn

[BeachBum]

I can really sympathize with how you are feeling as I too had many, many sleepless nights. I'm ashamed to say I even spent quite a bit of time praying for a girl so I wouldn't have to deal with this decision at all.

I did a lot of reading on the subject, and what I concluded is that it was only a "cosmetic" procedure and the only reason to do it was because everybody else was.
I could find no "evidence" that it would need to be done later in life, caused cancer, was dirty etc. Making the decision to cut off part of his body just seems wrong to me--(especially knowing that one of the reasons it became popular to do so was to prevent masturbation. ) (Although I don't want to think of my baby having sex, I found several studies that convinced me that the foreskin has a purpose during lovemaking).

As for the "looking like dad" I figure dad's got hair so no p#nis is going to look like dad's for a long time. By the time my boy has hair, I sure hope he and his dad aren't showering together etc.

"Everybody else is doing it" has never seemed like a good reason to do anything, but I do think that is too easy an out in this situation. I know that being teased as a child can really be devastating. Hence the quandary.

My husband grew up in a time where everyone was circ' and he felt like DS should be too. Although the circ' statistics are changing nation wide, our small town isn't. After numerous talks we could at least acknowledge that there were good arguments on each side. DH ended up feeling as conflicted as I did.

In the end, DH knew it mattered to me more. He was ok with either choice but knew I would have a lot of guilt if we circ'. It just didn't seem like a decision I wanted to make for someone else--(first do no harm). We decided to leave our son intact. I just couldn't bring myself to have cosmetic surgery (with risks) preformed on my baby. (I personally know 3 men with botched circs, which scared me too).

When I looked it at and removed the *possibility* of him being teased, I was left with no reason to do it. I decided that there is no guarantee that he will be teased, he might be a band geek instead of a jock and that possibility wasn't enough to make me do it.

There is a lot more I could say on this subject, but I'm sure it is all stuff you've heard before.
I just want you to know I've been there and know how gut wrenching it can be.
So I guess I'm one less "everybody" that is doing it.

[ChristineVA]

I know someone who was not circumcised as a child and had to be circumcised as an adult due to some kind of medical complication. It was not fun for him. When his son was born, he chose to circumcise him. I know those cases are probably rare, but I am pretty sure that will cross my mind if I am ever in the position to make a decision about circumcision.

Actually, it is not all that rare. Way back in the 1980s, I was an administrative assitant for a maintenance squadron in the Air Force. Because I worked for the commanding officer, I knew everything that was going on with those guys. In the 4 years that I had that job, there was more than one person that had to be circumcised when he was 18, or 20, or 21. It was not due to uncleanliness or anything negligence on their part. I think in some males, the foreskin may be too "tight" if that makes sense and then causes problems later.

[angelamaria]

i felt exactly how beachbum did and had the same arguments. dh on the other hand wanted him to be the same. we are both physicians and during residency had to do circs. luckily here the pediatricians do them. i hated doing them, the babies felt pain (although back then we didn't use any local anesthesia and now pretty much everyone does). regardless, all i could think was "if some unspeakable complication happens how will i ever forgive myself bc it is after all a totally elective cosmetic procedure done on a baby". you can google circ complication and see what i mean.

that being said it was important to dh and i gave in. everything is fine but i still feel guilty about it.

here the rate is around 90-95% but in washington state i think it is around 55-60%. hth.

[NoWaves]

I have a 6 year old son who is not circumcised. Like you, I researched the issue before he was born and felt it came up pretty balanced on both sides. So we opted not to circumcise him, feeling there was not enough reason to put him through it (although I'm sure it is something that would not have been a big deal if we chose to do it).

Now six years later, I'm still not sure if we made the "right decision". Obviously there are lots of men who are and lots who are not - both seem to get along just fine. With our son, he ended up having a condition where the tubes coming out of his kidneys were too short (VC reflux) and so urine could get back upped from the bladder and make him prone to urinary infections. He has a foreskin that is very "tight" and it was very unpleasant when he had to be catheterized to take a urine sample, for yearly tests to see if his reflux went away, etc. Now he has grown out of the reflux and he doesn't get any more infections. But if we had it to do over again I'm not sure what we would decide. About the tight foreskin, the urologist told us how to encourage the skin to slip back more easily (cortisone gel and pushing it back daily for a couple of weeks).

As for the teasing issue, our son has not encountered any yet, as far as we know (in preschool and kindergarten, there were open stalls and my son is quite immodest, so I'm sure other kids have seen his "privates.")

Hope this helps, rather than making it all the tougher.
Remember, whatever you decide will be fine, really.

[lisas3575]

here the rate is around 90-95% but in washington state i think it is around 55-60%. hth.

Angelamaria, can you help me find circ statistics (AMA? Pediatric medicine?) for the different states/regions? I've tried to Google it and can't find anything unbiased or institutional (or not X-rated ).

Lara, thanks for starting this thread, we're undecided too and all the discussion has been insightful. We're in a little different place than you-- neither of us feel really strongly one way or the other, so it makes it hard to know what the "right" decision for us is. I really think that either way, it will work out ok-- there are pros and cons for us for both options. NoWaves, it sounds like your experience is kind of where we're at.

[mommycook]

We had my DS circumcised for all the reasons everyone else has stated. I was mostly concerned about him looking like dad and all the other kids. My DH watched the whole thing and DS slept through most of it. I thought it was more difficult to care for and diaper the healing belly button than the p***s.

When DS was little I was good friends with a group of women that all had little guys DS's age. I would often change their diapers when we all got together and wouldn't you know it, out of 6 boys mine was the only one that was circumcised. Now DS is almost 9 and I don't think he has ever compared his to my DH or even seen what other boys look like. We probably could have gone either way and DS would have never known any different.

As a parent you are always, always, always worried about making the wrong decision.....and there are always, always, always new decisions to make. Which ever you decide to do, he will be fine and you will be fine. So many decisions seem SO BIG at the time. I have not even thought about the fact my DS was circumcised for years....I am too worried about making sure he wears his helmet when he skateboards to protect THAT head from getting injured and looking different !!

[RunnerKim]

I was reliaved the first time around when we had a girl and I didn't have to deal with the circumcision issue. Not so "lucky" the second time. We could come up with no good reason (for us) to do it and thus didn't do it. Both my OB (family practice, so she's my regular doctor too) and Jamie's pediatrician were happy with our decision - my OB actually said more than that because she hates to do them and she would have been the one to do it. I think if we had said we wanted it done then neither doctor would have said much of anything about it. I think Oregon is probably like Washington State and has a much lower rate of doing them. DH was more comfortable with the decision than I was (he is circumcized but feels there will be many differences between he and his son, generally and specifically in that area that that isn't likely to make any difference in any real way). I felt the social/family pressure more - both sides of our family circumcized their boys - but so far no one has made a comment about it to us. However, I asked myself if this was a procedure done to girls how would I feel and there's no way in $%@$#@ that I'd tolerate something like that being done on my daughter so why should I for my son.

Lara - it seems like a huge deal right now but no matter what you decide it's really not going to be something you think about very often at all (at least I don't).

Kim

[JenZen]

I'll add my two cents even though I think all of the issues have been addressed ...

We live in a very conservative county, and I think the circ rate is 95% for boys around here. The national rate is waaaaaaayyy different, with more and more people deciding not to do it.

We never considered not having Gabe circumcised ... it was just the way DH and I had been taught. I did research it a little, but knew as soon as I got pregnant that we would have the circumcision done if we had a boy.

I think Gabe was 1 day old for the procedure. He wasn't even fussy afterward, and it only took 15 minutes or so. We just had to coat the area with jelly for about a week afterward. It healed nicely, and he didn't seem to mind.

If we have another boy, we'll do the same.

Jen

[aprilbride]

Chelle's post could be mine:-) Same circumstances....my DH is British and circumcision definetely is not a general practice in Europe. Aside from that we couldn't come up with one good reason for us to do it, so we didn't. DH felt very strongly about it, I on the other hand could have been swayed towards doing it simply because I worry that there'll be teasing going on later on, but that just didn't seem like a good enough reason in the end. Our pediatrician was very supportive which is one of the reasons we picked him.

Congrats:-)