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Thread: Has anyone ever had to get a restraining order?

  1. #1
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    Question Has anyone ever had to get a restraining order?

    Feel free to answer via PM if you'd rather.

    Hopefully it will not come to that, but I may need to do this. I have no idea where to start. Call the police? The courthouse?

    There is no physical violence going on, but there is verbally abusive harrassment at the workplace by an estranged family member. Can you even get a restraining order in that case? Or are they solely for matters of physical violence?

    All advice is appreciated.

  2. #2
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    Suzy,
    I don't have any information for you, but I sure hope that things get better! My friend's husband did this at her workplace, when she got the nerve to leave him, and so they just fired her. (Yes, they are still married :mad: going on 20 years of this crap.)

    Bad things can come of situations like this...Is your supervisor aware of this? Please call the Police Department and tell them what is going on so they can discuss your options with you.

    God Bless.
    Joyce
    You may have had a lot of unfair things happen, but when you look back over your life, remember something good that has happened for you. Replay the good memories. Joel Osteen

  3. #3
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    You should contact your HR department -- At places where I've worked, the HR Department has alerted security to prevent someone from entering -- even provided escort to the car -- This was partly to protect the individual employee and partly to prevent a workplace massacre.

  4. #4
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    Yep, I agree with Blazedog. Back when I was in HR, we had a domestic violence issue with one of our employees. We had coordinated plans in place for what to do if her husband were to show up at work looking for her after she left him. She carried a cell phone and had a designated hiding spot should he have showed up. Luckily, we never had to use our plans!

    We also arranged to have the police come by on a more regular basis so they'd be close if needed.
    Erin

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  5. #5
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    Sorry you're going through this ...

    The HR ideas are great. As for an actual restraining order, I would call the police and just ask for advice, they can tell you the steps you need to take in your area. A restraining order is a court order, you'll have to file a petition of some sort, but the police should be able to tell you where to start. It could be you need to make a complaint about a particular incident first to get the ball rolling, for example.

  6. #6
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    What state do you live in (Ummm...I could guess Idaho, but then I'd be assuming...)? I believe this will vary state to state.

    I looked into it because of someone's harassing emails and phone calls which persisted after I asked the person not to contact me anymore. There was never any physical violence and it wasn't a case of "domestic violence" (though I was gonna go apesh*t on somebody's a$$ if it didn't stop).

    In CA you can get an order to stop civil harassment. This will order the person to stop all contact. You can fill out the forms online and take them directly to the courthouse.

    All I ended up actually having to do was tell the person this is what I was doing and I faxed the completed forms to them to prove I was ready -- never actually had to file them (which involves a few hundred-dollar court fee).

    Hope this helps. It's quite easy in CA, hopefully it will be in your state too.

  7. #7
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    here in NH you fill out paperwork in the courthouse. It then goes before a judge and the judge decides whether it is warranted or not. Not sure how other states do it.

    Kristi
    co-founder
    Planet Marshmallow
    www.planetmarshmallow.com

  8. #8
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    Thanks for the responses. This is happening in WA state and actually not to me, but to my DH by another male family member. My DH's boss knows about it but there are only the two of them working at their shop so there is really no "HR" dept. I'd like to have an order for this person to stay away from their place of business and stop harrassing him, but I did not know where to start.

  9. #9
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    I'm also in Washington and had to do this several years ago. First off, HR Department. I'm a supervisor with my current job and we just had all the classes regarding FMLA, Violence in the Workplace, etc. They can make sure that he's not allowed on company premises, and will call the cops if he is. Mine was calling my office all the time and threatening me through the people that answered the phone. "Tell her I'm on my way to #$%^ her up..." type of thing.

    Second, go down to the courthouse and get the paperwork to file a No Contact Order. You'll have to file, then he's served, then there will be a court date set if it's approved. My harasser never showed for his court date, but the order was granted anyway because I had two witnesses there that verified the past violence and the threat of violence to me.

    My order was filed through the Kent Regional Justice Center in Pierce County. Not sure where you're at, but don't delay in doing this. Good luck.
    ~ "The right shoe can change your life...."- Cinderella ~

  10. #10
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    Hi Jewel!!

    thanks for your info specific to WA. As I said, however, they are a very small independent business so there is no HR. And there has not been any violence and I really doubt there would be. Just harrassing and abusive language by someone from my family who is trying to get to me by making my DH upset (and it's working :mad: ).

    What I think I might do is write a letter along the lines of:
    "Do not go to 'John's' place of business again or contact him in any way. If you do, I will be forced to get a No Contact Order from the courhouse."

  11. #11
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    Honestly, there was no HR Department where I was working at the time either. I was managing a Nutri-System branch and he was calling over and over and over again, as soon as we hung up the phone he'd dial back. I simply had to call the cops and have them come out, and the officer took my report, then called HIM and asked if he'd been calling me. He said yes, and they told him Telephone Harassment was the same as Physical Harassment. They advised me to get the restraining order.

    Let everyone in the business know what's going on, and advise them to hang up when he calls or to call the cops if he shows up. Get that order quickly so you can at least establish a paper trail. The order itself won't protect you much, but you have to start somewhere!!
    ~ "The right shoe can change your life...."- Cinderella ~

  12. #12
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    oh, dear, i'm truly sorry to hear of your family's troubles. yes, i've been through this, too, but it's really a new one on me---and in no way do i mean to demean your DH's circumstances; to the contrary. M-F harrassment i can grasp; this probably happens more than people realize, b/c it doesn't get talked about.

    where we live, rural so nj, all it takes is a visit to the local country courthouse, 'family court' division, and there are simple forms and persons to help fill them out, to get a TRO--Temp. R.O. if the 'evidence' is compelling enough, judges are on call 24-7 to sign the orders. when the courthouse is closed, the police can still get this done any time, day/night.

    after the TRO--which requires that the alledged abuser remain at a specifc distance at all times from the victim--there is another hearing, usually 2 weeks later. i have no clue how this would be enforced in a work situation, other than to believe that, if the FC judge finds merit in the complaints, and signs the TRO, i suppose the abusive person would be suspended from his/her job, pending a final RO.

    my heart really aches for you and your DH, truly. more i could say...if you need/want more personal thoughts, pls PM me.

    ETA: in the family matter i was involved in, there was no physical violence, but something called "terroristic threats," (like, "i'm going to break your f'g jaw,") which is sufficient. sounds like what you're talking about....

    again, i'm so sorry; it's a nightmare cloud to live under. at least, now persons have some legal recourse, and i truly hope that you will find some hope and comfort in that.

    suzanne
    Last edited by Aubergine; 07-01-2006 at 08:05 PM.
    What one understands is only half true. What one does not understand is the full truth. ~ Zen saying

  13. #13
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    jm, i emptied some of my mailbox, so resend your PM--or maybe it will now magically appear. suz
    What one understands is only half true. What one does not understand is the full truth. ~ Zen saying

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