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Thread: Ohio State Buckeye Jokes (rivalry with Michigan)

  1. #1
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    Ohio State Buckeye Jokes (rivalry with Michigan)

    A friend sent me these although I don't know why. I'm neither from nor an alumni of either state or institution.

    But I thought some people here might enjoy them!

    A guy in a bar leans over to the guy next to him and says, "Wanna hear a Buckeye joke?" The guy replies, "Well, before you tell that joke, you should know something. I am 6' tall, 200 lbs. and I am an Ohio State graduate. The guy sitting next to me is 6'2", 225 lbs. and he is an Ohio
    State graduate. The guy right next to him is 6'5", 250lbs. and he is also an Ohio State graduate. Now, you still wanna tell me that joke?"

    The first guy says, "No, not if I'm going to have to explain it three times"


    It was reported that the Ohio Football Coach Jim Tressel will only be dressing 20 players for the Michigan game ...the rest of the players will have to dress them selves

    Did you hear that the Ohio State University library burned to the ground? All five books in the library were completely destroyed.... the football team is really upset by the fire; they hadn't colored in two of the books
    yet!


    What's the only sign of intelligent life in Columbus?

    Ann Arbor: 187 Miles

    Q: What does the average Ohio State University student get on his SAT?

    A: Drool

    Q: How do you get an Ohio State Graduate off your front porch?

    A: Pay him for the pizza.

    Four college Alumni were climbing a mountain one day: An OSU grad, a Michigan grad, a Penn State grad, and a Notre Dame grad. Each proclaimed to be the most loyal fan of their alma mater. As they climbed higher, they argued as to which of them was the most loyal of all. They continued to argue all the way to the top when the Notre Dame grad hurled him self off the mountainside shouting "This is for the fighting Irish!" Not wanting to be outdone, the Penn State grad threw him self off the mountain proclaiming, "This is for the Nittany Lions!" Seeing this, the Michigan
    grad walked over and shouted, "This is for the Wolverines!" and pushed the Ohio State grad off the mountain

    Q: What did the OSU grad say to the Michigan grad?

    A: "Welcome to McDonalds. May I take your order please?"

    A young man hired by a supermarket reported for his first day of work. The manager greeted him with a warm handshake and a smile, gave him a broom and said, "Your first job will be to sweep the store." But, I'm a OSU graduate," the young man replied indignantly, "I even played football
    there!" "Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't know that," said the manager. "Here, give me the broom, I better show you how"

    Two Ohio State football players were hootin' and hollerin' while partying on campus when a bartender asked them why they were celebrating. The smart one said proudly that they had just finished a jigsaw puzzle and it only took them two months. "Two months?!" exclaimed the bartender. The Buckeye proudly replied, "Yeah, the box said 4 - 6 years!"

    A Buckeye football player was almost killed today in a tragic horse back riding accident. He fell from the horse and was nearly trampled to death. Luckily, the manager of the Wal-Mart came out and unplugged the horse just
    in time.--

    A little boy and his mother were walking through an Ohio cemetery when they came upon a headstone that read: "Here lies an OSU graduate and a good man." The little boy asked his mother, "Mommy, why did they bury two people in there?"-

    Coaches Jim Tressel and Lloyd Carr are walking down the beach talking about the rivalry between Ohio State and Michigan As they are walking, Lloyd trips over something in the sand. Upon closer inspection it turns out to be a genie's lamp. "Who disturbs me?" asked the genie. Jim and
    Lloyd both say they did. "You will each get one wish," said the genie. Jim offers to go first. "I want an impenetrable wall built around the entire state of Ohio so that none of those stupid Michiganians can ever get in. I
    want it as far down into the ground asit is high and I want it to be completely sealed in so that we can finally have our peace!" The genie grants the wish to Jim and his is instantly whisked away to his new paradise. The genie now tells Lloyd he'll grant him one wish.

    Lloyd says, "Fill it up with water."-

    Q: Why is ice no longer available at Ohio State football games?

    A: Because the senior who knew the recipe finally graduated

    Q: What are the three longest years of a Ohio State football player's life?

    A: His freshman year
    The term "working mother" is redundant.

  2. #2
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    Snicker snicker.

    (Go Blue!)

  3. #3
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    Replace all the Buckeye references with M and you'd have it about right!

    Go Bucks!!!
    You can't drink rum on the beach all day if you don't start in the morning.

  4. #4
    This is fair then.

    What kind of car does Jim Tressel drive?

    LLLLoyd Carr

    Michigan Player Finds Suspicious Powder

    Ann Arbor News Report: Football practice in Ann Arbor was delayed on Monday for nearly two hours. One of the offensive players, while on his way to the locker room, happened to look down and notice a suspicious looking, unknown, white powdery substance on the practice field. The head coach, Lloyd Carr, immediately suspended practice while the FBI was called in to investigate. After a complete field analysis, the FBI determined that the while substance unknown to the players was the goal line. Practice was resumed when the FBI decided that the team would not be likely to encounter the substance again.

    Buckeye Loyalty

    Four college alumni were climbing a mountain one day: an Ohio State grad, a Michigan grad, a Penn State grad and a Notre Dame grad. Each proclaimed to be the most loyal of all fans at their alma mater. As the climbed higher, they argued as to which one of them was the most loyal of all. They continued to argue all the way up the mountain, and finally as they reached the top, the Notre Dame grad hurled himself off the mountain, shouting, “This is for the Fighting Irish!” as he fell to his doom. Not wanting to be outdone, the Penn Sate grad threw himself off the mountain proclaiming, “This is for the Nittany Lions!” Seeing this, the OSU grad walked over and shouted, “This is for the Buckeyes!” and pushed the Wolverine off the side of the mountain.

    OSU vs Michigan game

    It is late in the OSU-Michigan game on an overcast day. Michigan has the ball on the OSU 3 with 2 seconds left and down 14 – 10. There is time for one more play.
    Lloyd Carr calls timeout. As the team is coming to the sideline, Lloyd looks to the heavens and says, “God- I’ve been a good man. A churchgoing man. I’ve tried to do what’s right and I’ve never asked you for anything. But, this is a big game and if I could get a little guidance, I would be forever grateful”.
    The clouds part, sun shines on Lloyd and he hears a voice bellow “I Right 39 Pitch Trap”.
    Lloyd can’t believe it! God himself gave him the play! It’ll work for sure.
    The team comes to the sideline and Lloyd excitedly gives them the play. The timeout ends and the teams come back on the field. Lloyd can barely contain his excitement – He’s going to win.
    Play resumes and the ball is snapped. The Michigan QB pitches to the back. For a split second, there’s a hole, which is quickly filled by A.J. Hawk, who tackles the Michigan back short of the goal line.
    Time expires and Ohio State players storm the field to celebrate. Lloyd is in shock – he can’t believe the play didn’t work.
    Lloyd looks to the heavens and cries, “God- why did you call THAT play?”
    God looks down, shrugs, turns to his right and says, “Woody – Why did we call that play?”



    That is a start. These are the ones that I've gotten so far this week. I'm heading to Columbus tomorrow and can't wait for the big game.

    Go Buckeyes!!! Beat Blue!!!

  5. #5
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    How I wish the game was in Ann Arbor and I could be there! Instead I'm heading up to Chicago to watch it at a bar with the Michigan Alumni Club.

    GO BLUE!
    <)>>< Candace ><<)>

  6. #6
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    Wager, anyone? Some Graeter's for some Zingermanns?
    --Mary Kate--

    "In all our woods there is not a tree so hard to kill as the buckeye. The deepest girdling does not deaden it, and even after it is cut down and worked up into the side of a cabin it will send out young branches, denoting to all the world that Buckeyes are not easily conquered, and could with difficulty be destroyed." - Daniel Drake, 1833

  7. #7
    Quote Originally Posted by MKSquared
    Wager, anyone? Some Graeter's for some Zingermanns?
    Oh. My. I may have to take you up on this one!

  8. #8
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    Oh yeah? Black Raspberry Chip? Coconut Chip? Pick your poison ...
    --Mary Kate--

    "In all our woods there is not a tree so hard to kill as the buckeye. The deepest girdling does not deaden it, and even after it is cut down and worked up into the side of a cabin it will send out young branches, denoting to all the world that Buckeyes are not easily conquered, and could with difficulty be destroyed." - Daniel Drake, 1833

  9. #9
    My wife's sister (married to a Michigan grad) to my wife (Ohio State grad):

    "I wish you could be here to watch the game with us... so we could see you cry."



    It's too bad Michigan doesn't stand a chance. They'll be so disappointed.

  10. #10
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    Twas the night before game time,
    And all round the shoe,
    Not a creature was sleeping,
    They were screaming Beat Blue.
    The banners were hung by the lamp posts with care
    In hopes that St.Troy would find Ginn through the air.
    Drunken and crazy and burning their beds,
    While visions of kick off danced through their heads.
    When all of the sudden there arose such a clatter,
    I sprang from the keg to see what was the matter.
    When there in the sky, in a Coupe DeVille sleigh,
    Was Woody Hayes decked out in scarlet and gray.
    He looked on the crowd that was gathered around,
    And said that he heard that a game was in town.
    I came here to watch it, and wish you good luck.
    Though it's not like you need it, cause Michigan Sucks!



    GO BUCKS - BEAT MICHIGAN!!
    Life is not the way it's supposed to be. It's the way it is. The way you cope with it is what makes the difference.

  11. #11
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    I'm finding all of these jokes hilarioius. With my screen name, you can probably figure out who I'm rooting for...

    GO MICHIGAN!!!
    Alicia

  12. #12
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    As a Penn State fan - I don't know who to root for. But ya know I'll be watching Saturday at 3:30pm!!!!
    Charisse

  13. #13
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    Quote Originally Posted by cniles
    As a Penn State fan - I don't know who to root for. But ya know I'll be watching Saturday at 3:30pm!!!!
    You do too know who to root for!!!! You better have your scarlet and gray on missy!

    Good luck to PSU, I saw where Joe is going to coach from the press box, I'm glad, I'm sure he was miserable last week.
    You can't drink rum on the beach all day if you don't start in the morning.

  14. #14
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    Quote Originally Posted by donleyk
    Replace all the Buckeye references with M and you'd have it about right!

    Go Bucks!!!
    You know, you just demonstrated something that bothers me about these type of jokes... the vast majority are so interchangeable... just insert the team you want to denigrate....

    The best ones are the type that are _unique_ to the school....

    For instance, jokes that, say, make fun of Northwestern or Michigan snobbery, or others that make fun of the Spartans little brother syndrome or such... let me see if I can find the Big ten "lightbulb" one....
    More calm, cool, scathing logic that drives women crazy...

  15. #15
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    Like this:

    How many Big 10 students does it take to change a lightbulb? Well ...

    At Ohio State it takes only two. One to change it, and one to throw the old bulb at Michigan students.

    At Michigan it takes five. One to change the bulb, two to talk about how Bo would have done it, and two more to explain how they did it every bit as well as any Ivy Leaguer.

    At Northwestern it takes two. One is the supervisor and the other will be your supervisor.

    At Michigan State it takes four. One to screw in the bulb, and three to figure out how to get high off the old one.

    At Wisconsin it takes six. One to change it, two to mix the drinks, and three to find the perfect J. Crew outfit to wear for the occasion.

    At Illinois it takes seven, and each one gets four semester credit hours for it.

    At Indiana it takes eight. One to screw it in, and seven to discuss how much brighter it shines during basketball season.

    At Minnesota it takes ten. Two to figure out how to screw it in, and eight to find an ugly enough lampshade to match their school colors.

    At Penn Sate it takes 100. One to change it, 49 to talk about how they do it better than Penn, and 50 who realize it's all a lie.

    At Purdue, it takes 12. One to change the bulb, five to take pictures, four fraternity pledges to get naked and run through the fountain screaming "They changed the Bulb!", and two engineers to run a study on the whole thing.

    At Iowa it takes none. There's no electricity in Iowa
    More calm, cool, scathing logic that drives women crazy...

  16. #16
    Go Buckeyes!!!

  17. #17
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    Quote Originally Posted by Escher
    Like this:

    How many Big 10 students does it take to change a lightbulb? Well ...


    At Wisconsin it takes six. One to change it, two to mix the drinks, and three to find the perfect J. Crew outfit to wear for the occasion.

    That's us all right! Not sure on the "perfect J Crew outfit" part but the rest of it is true.

    On Wisconsin!
    Erin

    "Eating peanut butter is a sacred act, not to be defiled by pork or its substitutes."

    -generic


    New favorite bumper sticker: "Go Green. Recycle Yourself. Become an Organ and Tissue Donor."

  18. #18

  19. #19
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    Quote Originally Posted by SandyM
    Rest in peace, Bo.
    Wow. Talk about an extra-emotional game tomorrow. Our first cats were named Bo and Woody since they never got along. Rest in peace...
    Alicia

  20. #20
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    Rest in peace, Bo.

    What a shame. I could hardly believe the headlines at lunch.
    You can't drink rum on the beach all day if you don't start in the morning.

  21. #21
    Quote Originally Posted by SandyM
    I just seen this myself. Sorry to see he is gone.
    "Everyone is kneaded out of the same dough but not baked in the same oven." - Yiddish Proverb

  22. #22
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    WOW!!!! Bo passing away a day before the big game - that is just weird.

    Love the jokes! I unforunately will be missing the game tomorrow :mad:

  23. #23
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    His loss is definitely felt in Columbus.
    --Mary Kate--

    "In all our woods there is not a tree so hard to kill as the buckeye. The deepest girdling does not deaden it, and even after it is cut down and worked up into the side of a cabin it will send out young branches, denoting to all the world that Buckeyes are not easily conquered, and could with difficulty be destroyed." - Daniel Drake, 1833

  24. #24
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    What a day in heaven - Bo and Woody watching the game together.
    Life is not the way it's supposed to be. It's the way it is. The way you cope with it is what makes the difference.

  25. #25
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    From what I heard - and I haven't seen the interview - Bo was asked earlier this week, "If you could watch Saturday's game with anyone, who would it be?" His answer? Woody.

    It was a fabulous game - both teams played SO well, very few penalties - fun game to watch. I also LOVED how much they showed of the band - a ton of Script Ohio, lots of shots of the band cheering ... Yay.

    Way to go, Buckeyes.
    --Mary Kate--

    "In all our woods there is not a tree so hard to kill as the buckeye. The deepest girdling does not deaden it, and even after it is cut down and worked up into the side of a cabin it will send out young branches, denoting to all the world that Buckeyes are not easily conquered, and could with difficulty be destroyed." - Daniel Drake, 1833

  26. #26
    It was truly a great game, and I was cheering for the Wolverines! I liked the commentator who said that that was the game to watch - more so than the Rose Bowl. It really was the #1 vs #2 teams, and it was a nail-biter of a game. Both teams played so well. (She says while modeling good sportsmanship to her children... )
    Laurie

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