Entertaining Dilemma

[Trishinomaha]

My husband is working on painting our kitchen cupboards and last week a casual friend came over to help one night after work. They started talking football ( our state college team is very big around these parts) and one thing led to another and my husband invited this guy over to watch the game this coming Saturday. It is a pay-per-view game and won’t be on network. Well it turns out our friend thought this was an invitation for he and his wife to come over and watch the game with us. My husband was thinking more of two guys watching the game together. I tend to wander in and out when there’s a game on unless it’s a really good game. Here’s the deal – first my husband didn’t realize this was a night game and will start at 6 PM, second and most worrisome is that the wife likes to drink (as do I) but she becomes pretty loud and obnoxious when she’s had too much. I can’t imagine spending four hours socializing with this couple. Any ideas for gracefully getting out of this? I hope I don't sound like an awful person but I am really dreading this Saturday if I can't find a way around this.

[LaraW]

Is there any way to just "run out" of alcohol early on, so she doesn't have too much to drink? Just a thought. I don't know that there is any way to un-invite them, but you definitely don't have to let people behave obnoxiously in your house. I would either not have any alcohol available or just a small amount htat will run out early on.

And, you don't have to stick around in the room if you don't want to. I would not really feel compelled to if I was not interested in the game.

[SusanMac]

I agree that breaking the date at this point would be tough. Plus, do you really dislike her company? Or is it just the drinking thing? I'd tough it out for this one night. Good suggestion to have just a few beers on hand, and plenty of hearty food.

Now, how to prevent anyone from making a halftime beer run is another issue!! I'm sure they'll be good guests and bring along some food or beverages to share, as well.

One other option is to see if the game is playing at any local bar/restaurants? Then you could move the date there. If anything gets strange, it's much easier to bow out of the evening.

[blazedog]

It is possible to dis-invite by claiming other plans because it is now a night game.

You could go out to dinner and a movie with a girlfriend. Your husband could tell his friend that you won't be there and the wife can choose to come or not come as she chooses.

You can have the couple over and wander in and out exactly as you would have since presumably she is there to watch the game.

[newtricks]

That sounds like a bummer but I'm also a little confused by your confusion. If the friend helped your dh paint don't you sort of owe them a "thank you" anyway? That's probably what the guy thought was going on and of course he would think his wife was invited. And I know this is different for everyone but dh and I don't go out for "casual" nights with friends on Saturdays. If there's a social occasion in someone's home it's usually a couple's thing.

All that to say, there's probably not a "graceful" way to get out of it. Is there another couple you can invite to dilute the situation a little?

[jellyben]

I would either come up with a plausible excuse or I would put on a happy face and try to have a good time. I know I would feel pretty bad if I was invited to a couple's home and the wife didn't spend much time with me. Even if you didn't think she was coming, they think she was invited, so popping in and out of the room might seem a little rude.

[donleyk]

Yep, make it a party (say another 2 couples) so you will have a perfectly good reason to be popping in and out. Then you won't feel you have to entertain just the wife.

[bobmark226]

Looks like you'd better start shaking the dust of your old pom-poms, Trish!

Bob

[aggie94]

I don't think your husband can rescind the invite entirely without coming off as a complete tool. What he can (and should) do, though, is tell the husband that there might have been a misunderstanding and that you are not planning to be there, so while the wife is welcome to come, she may be bored sitting there watching the game with the guys. In that event, I think it's unlikely they'd both come, but it would probably require you to make other plans out of the house for the evening while the guys watch the game.

[Shugness]

I've been in this position before, because your husband and that guy are friends, you and his wife should be friends too, right? Problem is once you establish a little get together like that it might set a new trend of the "lets go do this together as couples!". So, having said that, I think there is something on your calendar you totally forgot about happening that night.

Your husband should call his buddy and chit chat for a bit then casually drop in there something to the effect of "Oh, by the way, I almost forgot to tell you - Trish isn't going to be able to make it for that game, she has a family function she has to go to...don't know if your old lady still wants to come over if she'd be the only woman, but she's more than welcome to if she wants to".

If you're not comfortable with that then the next best thing is make it a bigger sized party with more couples.

[Trishinomaha]

OK - I've thought this through and Barbara is probably right - I am being ungrateful since he offered to help paint. Actually I've known his wife's family for years and their get togethers (which I attended many, many years ago) tend to revolve around drinking (her sister owns a bar). The couple does a lot of things with her family and I think the friend is looking forward to the opportunity of having somewhere else other than the family's place to watch the game. I'll just plan a good hearty filling menu and maybe that will help. I am "getting my pom poms ready" Bob and will put a good face on it. I'll let you all know how it turns out. There is one thing I CAN tell you however - husband will always remember to ask me if we have any plans first before making plans for us - I do for him.

[funniegrrl]

If you are afraid the drinking will be a problem, then why not just not have any alcohol? I know to some people that sounds really weird, that of course you have to have beer with football or whatever, but I often entertain and just serve tea or whatever. I like alcohol, but it's never, ever obligatory.

[Robyncz]

Could you invite another couple so it's not just the four of you? That might diffuse things a bit.

[Canice]

Man, I would hate to be the person invited as a buffer to an unpleasant event.

[bobmark226]

Originally Posted by Canice

Man, I would hate to be the person invited as a buffer to an unpleasant event.

Oh, but I bet you'd at least bring some great cheese for snacks

Bob

[oct2189]

Trish, I think your solution is the best one. I agree that the friend interpreted the invitation as a "thanks for the help". Likely he invited his wife since she supported him going to your place one evening instead of coming home, particularly if they have kids. If you bail or invite another couple and make it a goup event, you may be faced with another "payback" event at some point in the future! YIKES

[SusanMac]

I would bet that none of the guys involved in this evening spent this much time planning or evaluating the situation :-)

[Trishinomaha]

Originally Posted by SusanMac

I would bet that none of the guys involved in this evening spent this much time planning or evaluating the situation :-)

Susan - this is rich. I bet you are so right-

[HejazSunKat]

If your husband isn't comfortable giving the "Oh, sorry, I should have talked to Trish first, she's got a prior engagement and won't be home" talk to his friend then I'd suck it up and get through it - being as gracious a hostess as I could. If this lady has trouble controlling her intake though I would probably conveniently run out of wine then put the coffee pot on and serve some dessert at some reasonable point in the evening.

[Beth]

The folks who tend to drink the most also seem to be the ones who show up with more. Just in case that observation impacts your planning.....

[SusanMac]

Although, given your description....maybe the obnoxious problem only occurs when drinking with the family! I know I drink more when I'm visiting family :-)

[Trishinomaha]

Actually - I've decided to make lemonade out of lemons here. I've got a tentative menu planned and I'm kind of looking forward to cooking for them. They know I love to cook so I'm sure they'll be looking for something homemade and yummy. I'll let y'all know what I finally ended up serving and how the evening went. (Now that I'm getting into the spirit of things - they'll probably cancel )