Would you let your child read . . .

[clairea]

My 9yo DD reads (and comprehends) on a very advanced level. This is good, but sometimes creates some difficulties in finding books that are challenging but still appropriate for her age.

Yesterday she came home with Anne Frank: A Diary of a Young Girl. Her teacher suggested it, but asked her to discuss it with us first and find out how we felt about it.

How I feel is, well, conflicted. I am not a fan of censoring what kids read, and I think this is a very important book. On the other hand, 9yo seems pretty young to be confronting some of the issues in this book. I mean, she still believes in Santa Claus and the Tooth Fairy. My kids generally know about the Holocaust (DH lost some family), but not any specific details.

I'm just curious about what others would do. Do you think this is an appropriate book for a 9yo, or would you wait for a few years?

[CoconutKisses]

I think it really just depends on the child and her maturity level. Some 9yos can handle these types of things and some just aren't up there yet and would get very upset at such a book. However, I would definitely talk to her more about the even before she starts reading to make sure she really understand what she is getting into

[Kathy B]

I think there is a big difference between censoring what kids read, and helping them find age appropriate books. 9 years old....4th grade? Having her wait a couple of years to read it seems reasonable to me.

She may be able to comprehend it, but it does deal with some scary things, and she may NOT be able to process it and put it into perspective, even with adult help. Once she has read it, there is no way to rid her mind of the story and possibly frightening images if it turns out to be very upsetting for her.

And....what harm is there in having her wait? It is certainly a book worth reading, but I wouldn't be in a rush to have her confronted with such topics at her age. There is plenty of time.

Just my two cents.

[Gracie]

My DD was right there where yours is. I found the American Girl series books very helpful for that "in between" age. The reading is easier but if you also know the premise for each of the American Girls (slave or WWII ration times, etc) it promotes some good discussion about how times have changed and in many ways have not changed.

Another series she knows but may not have read herself is Harry Potter. It's more advanced in the reading itself and so will challenge her in a different way than the historical fiction.

Speaking of historical fiction, a lot of those novels by Anne Rinaldi and Irene Hunt have appropriate content, take superior reading skills and can also promote some good discussion.

[1grl1by]

So both of my kids read it at 9 or 10. But they read it in a class room setting where it was discussed in context of learning about WWII.

I think they read Number the Stars first, so that gave them a preview.

[avariell]

I don't think she is too young for the book - especially if you/your husband and her teacher are willing and ready to answer questions and open a dialogue about the book.

[blazedog]

The book itself isn't filled with gruesome details of the Holocaust so I'm not sure what would be objectionable.

I think the book is one of those deceptively simple books -- one can enjoy it as a child and then come back to it as an adult and derive additional insight -- and admiration for her as a person and writer. Francine Prose has written a recent book on the diaries.

I read it initially in 4th or 5th grade and I don't think anyone even remarked about it. I think I started a diary after reading the book which didn't go far.

Catcher in the Rye and The Second Sex were more eye brow raising to my teacher but my parents let us read whatever we wanted.

[cakebaker]

Absolutely let her read it. She sounds mature and already has some knowledge of that tragic time in History.
My daughter read it with her class in 5th grade, loved it and brought home some important questions to ponder and discuss.
Another option: read it together, chapter by chaper and then discuss after each chapter or read out loud to one another. That way it will give you food-pardon the pun-for thought to gain insight into her level of understanding.

[BucknellAlum]

I just reread this over the summer. My DD wanted to read it, so I read it too. (She is 12). I am not sure whether 9 years old could handle it. It is not just merely for the awful facts of the Holocaust, although that certainly comes in to play. In the edition I read, there is an epilogue that tells what happens to all the main characters, and of course, most of them die horribly right after the book ends. That would be difficult for her (I don't think my DD read that section).

As I read the book, I found it extremely emotional, because it so vividly illustrates, thru the example of just one girl, what the Nazis did to millions. But I suspect the older you get, the more emotional impact that may have because you are even more able to think abstractly about the whole concept.

There are other things in the book to consider. She writes very frankly about her budding sexuality. I know earlier versions may have limited some of these passages. She also has a terrible relationship at times with her mother and writes some very unkind things (she is only 15!) about her mother and one of the other women hiding with them.

So, you may want to scan thru the book yourself and see if you think she can handle all parts of it. I am surprised it would be on a 4th grade reading list 1grl1by, unless maybe it's an abridged version or something. Number the Stars is definitely a good book too.

[TKay]

I have a ds who's 9, and I think he'd be ready for it. I guess the question is, is your dd interested in reading it? If so, I say let her read it. If she's only looking to read it because her teacher suggested it, that's a different story. Maybe you could skim it quickly and make sure any specifics are appropriate (and not too scary) before you let her read it? If she's already generally aware of the holocaust and you are not opposed to answering questions about it, it might be time.

Only you know your dd. In your gut, you know what's best for her. Good luck whatever you decide.

[Gracie]

Sorry Claire, I guess I didn't answer your question! I would let her read it and I would discuss it with her casually - like "so where are you in the book now?" and "what do you think about X?"

[avariell]

Originally Posted by BucknellAlum

There are other things in the book to consider. She writes very frankly about her budding sexuality. I know earlier versions may have limited some of these passages. She also has a terrible relationship at times with her mother and writes some very unkind things (she is only 15!) about her mother and one of the other women hiding with them.

I think your suggestion of reading through the book first and/or with her is great. For me personally (and I realize everyone feels differently about this stuff), opening the dialogue about stuff like sexuality is important at an early age. I cannot remember a time when that topic was taboo with my parents, and I read plenty of racy material at a young age. My mom didn't limit my reading at all that I remember. I know I had read every Sweet Valley High book I could find by the time I was in the 4th grade, and some of the horror genre fiction I read would terrify me today.

Also, I am 100% positive I thought and said and wrote down lots of horrendous things about my mom in my early teens. And reading about other kids' experiences probably helped me to feel more normal in the midst of all that turmoil. And I am not saying this was easy on my mom - I know I tortured that woman. I am sure Laura could come in here and pipe up even more about how her greatest fear is having a teenage daughter as mean as I was to our mom... heh. But we got through it, and now we are as close as can be.

[BucknellAlum]

Originally Posted by avariell

I think your suggestion of reading through the book first and/or with her is great. For me personally (and I realize everyone feels differently about this stuff), opening the dialogue about stuff like sexuality is important at an early age. I cannot remember a time when that topic was taboo with my parents, and I read plenty of racy material at a young age. My mom didn't limit my reading at all that I remember. I know I had read every Sweet Valley High book I could find by the time I was in the 4th grade, and some of the horror genre fiction I read would terrify me today.

Also, I am 100% positive I thought and said and wrote down lots of horrendous things about my mom in my early teens. And reading about other kids' experiences probably helped me to feel more normal in the midst of all that turmoil. And I am not saying this was easy on my mom - I know I tortured that woman. I am sure Laura could come in here and pipe up even more about how her greatest fear is having a teenage daughter as mean as I was to our mom... heh. But we got through it, and now we are as close as can be.

Oh, I agree - books/TV shows are sometimes great ways to introduce topics like sex, etc that we need to discuss with the kids. Her writings/feelings are pretty normal for a 15 year old, I just wanted to point out that that subject matter was in there, in case that would be a concern.

Same thing about the comments about the mom. Very typical for a teenager, but pretty harsh.

I didn't say earlier, though, that it is remarkable what a wonderful and gifted writer/observer she was for only 15. The book is worth reading again to marvel on that.

[TKay]

Originally Posted by avariell

Also, I am 100% positive I thought and said and wrote down lots of horrendous things about my mom in my early teens. And reading about other kids' experiences probably helped me to feel more normal in the midst of all that turmoil.

This is a good point. This book might bring up some teaching opportunities that have nothing specifically to do with the holocaust. You might have a chance to discuss things like feeling anger (or even hatred) toward someone (like your mother), and knowing that that's a normal emotion and doesn't mean you don't love the person. This is something I work on with my kids all the time. Just because I am angry with you doesn't mean I don't love you. And just because you're angry with me doesn't mean you don't love me. As for the sexuality and its part in the book, I don't really remember that. So maybe I had one of the earlier versions. But I would say that's also a good opportunity for discussing and teaching. All of the things going on personally with Anne Frank were normal. They just took place in an extraordinary circumstance.

Maybe I'm getting too off-topic here. Apologies. Avariell's post just sparked those thoughts for me.

[clairea]

Thanks for all the input. I would love to hear what others have to say too.

We have already decided not to have her read it right now, I just wanted some open dialogue before putting our decision out there. I don't have any problem discussing any of the topics in the book with her, but she is a very sensitive soul and, as DH said, the very fact that she would understand the book is the very problem. Our feelings were similar to what KathyB said -- she just may not be ready to put all of this into perspective, and once this is in her mind there is no way to get it out. She didn't have her heart set on this book at all, she just brought it home as a teacher suggestion. She will pretty much read anything and everything she can get her hands on.

I did remember the discussion of sexuality as well. We read it in, I think, 7th grade. This is another one of those subjects that we discuss openly, but for a child who hasn't even started puberty I suspect it might raise issues that she really doesn't understand. I wouldn't hold off reading the book over that, though.

Gracie, thanks for the book suggestions. She blew through all of the Harry Potter series this summer. I'll definitely check out the other authors you mentioned.

[TKay]

Sounds like you and dh looked at things reasonably and considered this book with open minds. Like I said, only you know your child and know what is right for her. Glad you feel comfortable with your decision.

I'm one of those people who would rather err on the side of keeping children innocent as long as possible. They have all of their adult-hood to ponder life's more difficult subjects. I think since your child is so sensitive, you're likely making the right call (not that you were waiting for my approval!).

Thanks for bringing up the subject. It's always good when I can see how other parents handle these decisions.

[EmilyD]

Claire,

I was also a prolific and advanced reader. My sister is 3 years older and by the time I was in 1st grade I was reading the books she brought home from school. I had the comprehension to understand what I was reading, but I know a lot went over my head as well (I read Gulliver's Travels in 2nd grade and still remember being surprised in high school to find out that it was a satirical treatise -- I thought it was a fantasy!). I still struggle with knowing what's age-appropriate for friends' children as I often buy books as gifts.

I had the same thoughts about the original book -- the combo of the historical context, the budding sexuality, and her struggles with her mom could make it a lot for a sensitive child to process. I think reading this book in school, especially an abridged version, would be a different experience than reading it by yourself. I would at least co-read it were I in your shoes. But I think redirecting her to other selections is the right choice now, especially considering she wasn't the one who made the selection.

anyway, here are some classics, books, authors or series I enjoyed growing up, some of which you might not have considered or heard of. I'm listing from recollection so I might not have all the titles exactly right.

• Little Women, and the others in the series (Little Men, Jo's Boys)
• Anne of Green Gables series by L.M. Montgomery
• Emily of New Moon -- another series by L.M. Montgomery
• The Westing Game -- by Ellen Raskin
• From the Mixed-up Files of Mrs. Basil E. Frankweiler (not 100% I have that name in title correct)
• The Secret Garden
• Black Beauty
• Treasure Island
• The Wizard of Oz
• Alice in Wonderland
• Peter Pan
• The Borrowers -- there are a few in this series
• Orphan Train -- a series of 4 or 5 books about children who go West during pioneer days after their widowed mother can no longer support them. Tells of their adventures pioneering and how they work to reunite (if I remember correctly)
• The Boxcar Children -- a series about the adventures of children who are living in a train car, during the Depression?
• Bobbsey Twins -- mysteries and adventures with two sets of twins
• Roald Dahl -- wrote Charlie and the Chocolate Factory, James and the Giant Peach, the BFG, Danny Champion of the World, Witches, Mathilde, and several others. You might want to read the first of these together to see how she reacts. They have a bit of dark, British humor to them, and often feature lonely children who lack proper grownup influence. But I loved all of these as a kid.

[clairea]

Emily, thanks for that long list. She has read most of those, but there are a few that we aren't familiar with so it will give us some new ideas. We are fortunate to have a very helpful librarian at the elementary school who is really good about helping find books for her (either from our school's library, or providing the information so we can find them on our own).

I really do appreciate everyone's thoughts. DH thought it was a no-brainer that she shouldn't read it yet, but as I said I was a little more conflicted about it. I had concerns about her reading it, but I also wasn't sure if I was just being too sheltering. This has really helped me think through the reasons why I don't want this particular child to read this particular book right now. If DS had brought home the same book at the same age, I might have reached a different conclusion -- different kid, different issues.

[Beth]

Originally Posted by clairea

This has really helped me think through the reasons why I don't want this particular child to read this particular book right now. If DS had brought home the same book at the same age, I might have reached a different conclusion -- different kid, different issues.

I didn't get a chance to reply yesterday, but I think you came down the right way -- considering your child and the issues that are most relevant for that child. And I agree that it's tough to find good reading materials for kids who read a lot and read well.

[ljt2r]

If you feel strongly about limiting her exposure I would speak to the teacher about not initiating such ideas. Because I promise you if I were your daughter I would now be reading it in the library. And I was the definition of a good kid (and yes one who got along with her mom--Josie does not exaggerate, *I* may need books like Anne Frank if my daughters are ever as hard to deal with as my sister was <for our mom>) but the idea of a book being recommended by a teacher and then forbidden? No chance, I'd have read by the time you next respond to this. And then been unable to discuss with you, too, knowing it was forbidden.

Count me as one that thinks that kids should read anything they want. However, also count me as one--and I am surprised no one else has said it--who thinks that if a book has a chance of being controversial that way maybe the teacher should talk to the parents first.

[HRJ]

This has been an interesting discussion. Claire, I can understand how this was a tough one -- your DD sounds like she is right "on the edge" of being able to handle this material, but not quite there.

I am the education chair of my synagogue's Hebrew School, and I've had a lot of very thoughtful discussions with our professional Education Director about the "right age" to introduce the Holocaust in our curriculum, and how to do it. I've also done some research of my own, and one thing that's struck me is how the thinking on when/how to introduce the subject has changed so much since I was young, among both Jewish and secular educators.

The current thinking, in general, is that the specifics of the Holocaust are best introduced no earlier than 4th grade, because of the intellectual and emotional complexity of the subject. (Obviously, there are some kids who can handle it a little earlier, and some who still need to wait past 4th grade.) A
generation or so ago (in the '60s and '70s), it was introduced earlier -- but that was a different time. And in Israel today, the Holocaust is introduced as early as preschool -- but that is a different place.

So, anyway, I guess what I'm saying is that it sounds entirely appropriate for you to want your DD to wait a little bit to tackle "Anne Frank."

BTW, I do agree with Laura, that it might have been better for the teacher to ask you before sending the actual book home. Although it doesn't sound to me like you're "forbidding" her to read it, just saying it's not a good book for right now.

Helene

[clairea]

Originally Posted by ljt2r

If you feel strongly about limiting her exposure I would speak to the teacher about not initiating such ideas. Because I promise you if I were your daughter I would now be reading it in the library.

I know, I had a really big issue with the whole thing being handled this way. There aren't many books that I would say no to, but given that the teacher had a question about it I don't understand why she didn't talk to us first. We will be discussing that with her. I don't *think* DD will be rushing to read this particular book behind our backs, because she said it sounded "creepy" from the description on the back and she seemed a bit relieved that we said no to reading it right now. She is very hesitant to read anything that might scare her (so, I know, explain the love for Harry Potter, but I guess that is so clearly fantasy she can deal with it). If another book were to come along that we had an issue with, though, I can see her doing exactly that because, like you, that is exactly what I would have done. I really can't think of another book that would cause us to have the same reaction (and we have been through this before with DS, who is older) -- most issues I am willing to let her read about and we will discuss, but the pure evillness of the Holocaust just seems like too much for her right now.

Helene, thanks so much for your perspective.

[ljt2r]

You know, re-reading my earlier post, I feel like I wanted re-emphasize a point I made which maybe did not come across well. To me there is a big difference between stopping a kid from reading a book that she found and wanted to read and stopping her from reading something that is recommended to her that she is clearly showing hesitation over. Sounds like you may also have made her feel better about not wanting to read something that was making her nervous anyway.

ETA to me there is a HUGE difference between reading something scary that could happen (or has happened) and reading fantasy. I agree w/ your daughter.

[Canice]

Originally Posted by clairea

I did remember the discussion of sexuality as well. We read it in, I think, 7th grade.

I realize this question has been resolved, but I do think it's worth pointing out that a new edition was released a few (well, less than 10) years ago with many previously omitted entries restored, including significantly more specific talk of sexuality (and the writer's physical exploring of her body). I believe her father specified that the more complete edition could be published only a given number of years after his death.

[ljt2r]

Originally Posted by Canice

I realize this question has been resolved, but I do think it's worth pointing out that a new edition was released a few (well, less than 10) years ago with many previously omitted entries restored, including significantly more specific talk of sexuality (and the writer's physical exploring of her body). I believe her father specified that the more complete edition could be published only a given number of years after his death.

FASCINATING. I had NO idea! Now I want to read it except I really don't for the other reasons, having read it and bawled already...

[beacooker]

Ugh - this thread made me want to re-read the book, but the newer edition, so I went to Amazon to find it. I saw this review, which I sure hope was a tasteless stupid joke:

I really liked reading this book.
But I skipped over the majority of the
boring war stuff that she tends to ramble
on and on about. The beginning of the book
would probably be the best part.

[tbb113]

I must be in the minority. I have tried to read this book a number of times when I was a preteen through high school and could never finish it. I would get bored with the subject

That said, I would not prevent my child from reading something that they wanted to read and I wouldn't expect them to read something for pleasure they are not enjoying.