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Thread: Why being snubbed really hurts

  1. #1
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    Why being snubbed really hurts

    This is from the ABC web news page.

    Now I know it wasn't my imagination.

    WASHINGTON (Reuters) - The feeling is familiar to anyone who has been passed over in picking teams or snubbed at a party -- a sickening, almost painful feeling in the stomach.

    Well, it turns out that "kicked in the gut" feeling is real, U.S. scientists said on Thursday.

    Brain imaging studies show that a social snub affects the brain precisely the way visceral pain does.

    "When someone hurts your feelings, it really hurts you," said Matt Lieberman, a social psychologist at the University of California, Los Angeles, who worked on the study.

    "I wouldn't want to be quoted as saying that physical pain and social pain are the same thing, but it seems that some of the same things are going on."

    The study may also show why it hurts to lose someone you love, researchers said.

    Lieberman, graduate student Naomi Eisenberger and colleagues set up a brain imaging test of 13 volunteers to find out how social distress affects the brain.

    They used functional magnetic imaging -- a type of scan that allows the brain's activity to be viewed "live." The 13 volunteers were given a task that they did not know related to an experiment in social snubbing.

    Writing in the journal Science, Lieberman and Eisenberger said the brains of the volunteers lit up when they were rejected in virtually the same way as a person experiencing physical pain.

    "It would be odd if social pain looked like the exact same thing as someone-breaking-your-arm pain," Lieberman said in a telephone interview. "What it does look like is visceral pain."

    In other words -- like being punched in the stomach.

  2. #2
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    And that is exactly what it feels like....that you are being punched in the stomach. Neat article.
    Joyce
    You may have had a lot of unfair things happen, but when you look back over your life, remember something good that has happened for you. Replay the good memories. Joel Osteen

  3. #3
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    Thanks Joan!

    Interesting reading!!
    "There are two means of refuge from the miseries of life: music and cats." - Albert Schweitzer

  4. #4
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    Thanks for posting this! How interesting.
    --Mary Kate--

    "In all our woods there is not a tree so hard to kill as the buckeye. The deepest girdling does not deaden it, and even after it is cut down and worked up into the side of a cabin it will send out young branches, denoting to all the world that Buckeyes are not easily conquered, and could with difficulty be destroyed." - Daniel Drake, 1833

  5. #5
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    No wonder my friend can't eat! He was ready to propose to his girlfriend and she broke up with him. I've recommended yoga, maybe we need to talk him into getting a massage to help relieve the physical issues...

  6. #6
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    Intriguing!!

    Puts verbal/emotional bullying in a different light, doesn't it?

    Somehow 'well at least they weren't hitting each other' just sounds diffent now.
    Anna
    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
    A fruit is a vegetable with looks and money.
    Plus, if you let fruit rot, it turns into wine,
    something Brussels sprouts never do.
    P. J. O'Rourke, humorist
    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

  7. #7
    After years of volunteering in scout troops, Bible school, school, camps, etc. I have witnessed numerous examples of this social snub at a young age--and it was devastating for the children.

    I have always been amazed at how many pre-school, kindergarten and early primary games involve one child "choosing" another, who chooses another who chooses another who chooses...EVERY TIME a child is NOT picked (it's great and a relief to BE picked, but...) he's disappointed for one more round of the game. What's the fun of that??

    Even if he IS chosen late in the game--the message is still there: Nobody wanted you until there was not much choice left. Again, what's the fun of that? I have always wonder why adults who plan these games aren't sensitive to these issues. It is not hard to alter games or choose other ones that are equally entertaining without this "who's liked best" issue.

    It's sad for a child to learn to expect social disappointment so early in life...and be hurt by it every time.

    An interesting article--thanks for posting.


    Shar

  8. #8
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    Interesting article. It brought back memories of being a shy, bespectacled, awkward child who was always last to be chosen for the team.
    Life is all about a$$; you're either covering it, laughing it off, kicking it, kissing it, busting it, trying to get a piece of it, behaving like one, or you live with one.

    Maxine

  9. #9
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    I was thinking about this subject the other day, because DD got me to watch One Tree Hill on TV, and the snooty woman in charge of the sports boosters was very condescending to the single-mother character. It set my teeth on edge - why are people so cruel?

    Anyhow, I'm glad this thread wasn't about someone being "snubbed" on the board (ie, feeling left out because no one responded to their post). Whew!

  10. #10
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    Great article. I have always been skepticle about the saying "sticks and stones may break your bones but words can never hurt you" Well it turns out they can.

  11. #11
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    Originally posted by sharris315

    Even if he IS chosen late in the game--the message is still there: Nobody wanted you until there was not much choice left. Again, what's the fun of that? I have always wonder why adults who plan these games aren't sensitive to these issues. It is not hard to alter games or choose other ones that are equally entertaining without this "who's liked best" issue.

    Shar
    You just reminded me of something we had to do in junior high PE class; every Friday they would combine the boys and girls and have a "dance" where 2 people (usually a cheerleader-type and a jock ) would start and then they would dance together for a minute or so and then have to pick another partner from the group. It was totally humiliating for the geekier types (myself included ) who were always left over at the end. To this day I don't know what was the point and what the teachers were thinking :mad: .

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