Thank you all for taking the time to answer. I feel better and have a plan!
#1 I'm not going to force issue - no fighting at the table. It really ruins the meal. Now I just have to get my husband to buy into this approach.
#2 I'm not going to take it personally (I feel my spine tighten when she says "what's in it?)
#3 continue to do the stealth veggies (I learned to do this when my husband said he didn't like onions - so now I grind them up and he loves the taste as long as he doesn't know the onions are in it - like father like daughter?)
#4 I'm going to encourage her to TRY the veggie at least, if she doesn't like it -fine.
#5 I'm going to work on us going shopping together. Searching for recipes (if she wants) -letting her test taste and rate a variety of veggies cooked a variety of ways - we'll turn it into a game.
Thanks again for all your help!
"It takes courage to push yourself to places that you have never been before... to test your limits... to break through barriers. And the day came when the risk it took to remain tight inside the bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom."